


Make Her Fall for You in a College Semester

by Raunchy_Robdelia



Series: Modern Emblem Robin X Cordelia [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Airports, Alternate Universe - College/University, Amnesia, Arguing, Bunny Girl, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Christmas Smut, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epilogue, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Halloween Costumes, Party, Pillow Talk, Pregnancy, Rejection, Relationship(s), Running Away, Sneaking Around, Stairs, Swimming Pools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:16:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8521672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raunchy_Robdelia/pseuds/Raunchy_Robdelia
Summary: Chrom and his sister stumble upon an amnesiac man named Robin. They throw him a bone and let him enroll at the local college, Ylissean University. Robin meets many new friends during his first semester, including a reclusive girl named Cordelia who has harbored feelings for Chrom since kindergarten.





	1. Free College Tuition for Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac causes Frederick to be wary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Bold dialogue means it's a text message)

* * *

The only thing that floated through the man's mind was a name: Robin. "Is that my name? More importantly, where am I?" Robin thought, his senses loosening as he felt his conscious self go adrift in a pitch black void. Suddenly, a voice called out.

"Hey mister, are you alright?" The voice seemed to latch onto him, and Robin opened his eyes. He found himself staring at a blue haired man, and a blond haired woman stood next to him as sunlight poured into his eyes.

"You know, there are much better places to take a nap than on the ground, right?" The blue haired man said as he held out his hand. "Whatever, just take my hand." He helped the white-haired stranger off the green grass and watched as he dusted himself off.

"W-Where am I?" Robin asked in a groggy tone.

"Well…" The woman said as she held a gray rectangular object. "It's currently... 1:00 in the afternoon, today is September first, 2012, and you're currently just outside of Ylissean University, which is in the aptly named town Ylisse. My name's Lissa, and this man is my brother Chrom." She said as she gestured to the blue haired man. Lissa wore a pale yellow sundress with white leggings and a short sleeved shirt underneath; her blonde hair was up in playful pigtails.

"We're currently enrolled at that university, and our older sister, Emmeryn, is the head of the college board. You look lost, so we could take you to her if you want." Chrom said.

"That sounds good." Robin yawned as he stretched his arms up.

"Say, where'd you get that snazzy coat?" Lissa pointed to his sleeve as she started walking with Chrom while Robin followed.

"What coat?" Robin patted his shoulders and discovered that he was indeed wearing a coat. "Oh, this." Robin took off the coat and noticed how the purple trim blended into the slightly darker purple that was the main color.

"I've got a better question, do you know who you are?" Chrom asked.

"I don't. All I know is that my name is Robin."

"Robin, huh. Gotta admit, it has a nice ring to it." Lissa said.

"So what is that rectangular object you're holding?" Robin asked.

"Oh, this?" Lissa showed Robin the object. "You don't know what a phone is?"

"What's a phone?" Robin tilted his head in confusion.

"Well uh…" Chrom tried to think of an explanation. "If you have a phone, and someone else has a phone, you can talk to them through it. You can also browse the internet, play games, and do a bunch of other things with them."

"What exactly is the internet?" Robin asked, more confused than before.

"This might take a while…" Lissa said as she started to explain technology to Robin. This continued for about ten minutes before they arrived at the campus. A blonde man wearing a tank top waited for them at the main gate.

"Lissa, do you have any idea how worried I was about you? You could've told me you were going off campus." The man said.

"Easy there Vaike," Chrom warned. "Lissa might just snap if you say that special word…"

"Are you saying that I'm delicate?" Lissa gritted her teeth, and Robin could tell that she was on the verge of exploding into an uncontrollable rage.

"No, no, I'm not saying you're delicate. Just please be careful next time." Vaike held his hands up, and Lissa kissed him.

"Thank you for not using that word. Robin, I don't think I introduced you to my boyfriend, Vaike. Vaike, meet Robin." Vaike held out his arm.

"Nice to meet you," Robin said as he shook Vaike's hand.

"The pleasure's all mine," Vaike said. "I'm known as the muscles guy. If you need anything lifted, I'm your man."

"Lissa! Thank goodness you're alright!" Yelled a blond girl wearing a dress, as she sprinted towards Lissa.

"Maribelle! Why is everyone worrying about me?" Lissa asked in a confused tone.

"Because every instance where you get lost or go missing, something disastrous happens." Said a red-haired woman wearing a robe and glasses behind Maribelle.

"What!?" Chrom yelled. "Miriel, that's preposterous. Name one time something bad happened to Lissa whenever we go wandering."

"You mean that time Lissa tripped and got a concussion? Or that time she tumbled down a mountain and spent a week in the E.R?" Maribelle said with a smirk.

"Well… uh… that was completely out of our hands." Chrom's tone was an indication that he was slowly losing his confidence.

"Chrom, you really need to learn how to accept when you're wrong." Another woman came up behind him and dragged her fists along the top of his head. She wore a purple-ish sundress and had long brown hair.

"Gah! Sumia, you need to stop doing that!" Chrom jumped in surprise.

"Whatever, who's the new guy?" Sumia asked.

"Alright everyone, this is Robin. Lissa and I found him while we were wandering, and he can't remember who he is. We're bringing him to Emm so he can get enrolled and join our sorority.

"Wait what? I never said I wanted to enroll." Robin backed up.

"Well, I figured you'd want to join our group." Chrom looked at him with worriment.

"Fine fine, I'll see if I can enroll." Robin sighed. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"Greetings Robin, my name is Miriel, and I enjoy literature greatly." The woman with glasses waved her hand.

"Well, 'Robin'," Maribelle made air quotes with her fingers. "If that even is your real name, I don't trust you for a second." Maribelle refused to make eye contact with him.

"I don't blame you." Robin shrugged. "I don't mean you or your friends any harm, though."

"If Lissa trusts you for more than a week, then I'll have no choice but to trust you as well." She answered back, arms folded.

"Hello, my name's Sumia." The brown-haired girl from before walked up to him, hand outstretched. "I'm really easy to get along with, but I might-" Sumia barely finished her sentence before she tripped over a rock. "Stumble... occasionally."

"Well, we better get going," Chrom said as he helped Sumia to her feet. "Come on, Emm's office is this way. Everyone else, go to the usual hangout place. We'll be back in an hour." Chrom grabbed Robin by the arm and led him to the administration building. Lissa kissed Vaike on the cheek and hurried after them. From inside a nearby building, Cordelia rested her binoculars on the brown desk and sat down in front of her table. She was lucky enough that her dorm had a prime view of the central courtyard, which is where Chrom was bound to be. Her phone buzzed; Sumia was texting her.

 **"how are u doing?"** Sumia had messaged.

 **"Fine, thank you for inquiring."** Cordelia replied before she went back to staring out the window. Chrom wasn't there, but Sumia was. Sumia looked towards the window of her dorm and saw Cordelia gazing sullenly out said window.

"Oh my God, is she really spying on Chrom again? I need to put a stop to this, once and for all." Sumia mumbled to herself quietly as she walked towards her dorm.

A couple minutes later, Robin sat in the spacious office of Chrom's sister. "You do realize how much trouble I'd be in with the board if I grant this stranger with no identification whatsoever a scholarship, right?" Emmeryn put her hands on her temples.

"Come on, sis, do it for me. He looks smart enough to get straight A's." Chrom said as he stood up from the brown chair. Robin sat calmly in his chair while Lissa twiddled her thumbs.

"Alright, I have an idea." Emmeryn held up a piece of paper. "This right here is our campus acceptance test. If he passes, I can try to admit him to our university."

"Okay, deal." Robin stood up. "Where should I take it?"

"In that room, right there." Emmeryn pointed to her left, where there was a dimly-lit small gray room with a single window and a desk. Robin grabbed the paper and walked into the room, sitting down in the small chair. He read the first question.

"Who was the creator of the automobile?" The question asked. Immediately after reading it, a name floated through Robin's mind. "Karl Benz." That sounded like the answer, so he wrote it down. All of the other questions followed the same pattern, and he finished the test in two minutes. He exited the room, and lightly placed the test on Emmeryn's desk.

"Impossible. That test should've taken you an hour!." Emmeryn's eyes widened as she put her reading glasses on. "What the? I can't believe it! All these answers are perfect! Your response to question number twenty-one is better than the example sheet!"

"Thank you. To be honest I wasn't confident on that particular question."

"Robin." Emmeryn put down the test. "We can't afford to not have you enrolled. Do you still wish to enroll?"

"Yes," Robin answered, his face beaming.

"Welcome to Ylissean University. Chrom can give you the tour, and show you your dorm. You'll receive your schedule tomorrow, and classes start tomorrow at 9:00 AM sharp." Emmeryn shook Robin's hand and handed him the key to his dorm. "There is a slight chance that our other staff members won't accept, but it's small regardless."

 

Later that day, Chrom stood in front of Robin's dorm. "Well, that ends the tour. Your roommate should be here soon, so I suggest you wait for a bit. If he or she wants to join our group, we always accept." Chrom handed Robin a map of the college that had a spot circled in red marker and walked away. Robin opened the door and admired how spacious the room was. It was like a line of symmetry went down the middle as both sides were identical. There was a kitchen counter that connected both sides, two fridges, two king size beds, and two big tables for what he assumed was writing. After he sat down on the bed, the door opened and an orange-haired man walked in.

"Hey there, my name's Gaius, but you can call me the Sweets Master," The man said as he lugged a brown suitcase to the other bed, opening it to reveal an avalanche of candy. He wore a black leather jacket and had a black bandana on his head.

"That's a great deal of candy…" Robin was dumbstruck that Gaius could carry that much weight.

"No kidding. Those stairs at the entrance caused me to fall more than I'd like to admit. So what's your name?" Gaius asked.

"Robin." He answered back.

"What's your favorite band? Mine's Smash Mouth." Gaius raised his eyebrow in a quizzical manner.

"I don't know anything besides my name."

"Wow. You don't remember anything? That's weird. You're weird. I like you. If you haven't noticed, I also like candy. Want some?" Gaius held out a candy bar.

"Sure." Robin took the bar and ate it.

"Tastes good, doesn't it?"

"It sure does," Robin said as he felt the chocolate melt in his mouth.

"Soooo… wanna be friends?" Gaius asked.

"Sure, but it's a little early don't you think?" Robin arched his eyebrow.

"Well I know nobody here, and I figured I should start with my roommate."

"Alright then, let's be friends." Robin shook Gaius' hand.

"Say, what's that lump in your coat pocket?" Gaius pointed to Robin's pocket.

"What lump?" Robin said as he felt a phone-sized object in his pocket. He pulled it out and it was indeed a phone.

"Oh sweet, is that an iPhone?" Gaius asked as he pulled his phone out (A blackberry with a candy wrapper case).

"I guess it is," Robin said as he admired the case, which looked like a yellow book with a lightning symbol on it. Robin went through the set-up procedure with his phone while Gaius watched over his shoulder. Immediately after he was finished, his phone started ringing. "Who could this be?" Robin said as he put the phone to his ear.

"Hello, is this Chrom? This is Cordelia speaking." Said a feminine voice, high in pitch and sounding quite nice.

"No, this is Robin. I do know a man named Chrom-" The voice cut Robin off.

"I-I-I." The voice struggled to get the words out. "I love you Chrom! I've loved you since kindergarten and I haven't stopped! Please, tell me you return my feelings."

"As I said, I'm not Chrom. You must have the wrong number or something."

"Wait, you're not Chrom? Oh my... I'm so very, very sorry!" The voice hung up.

"Who was that?" Gaius asked.

"Some woman named Cordelia had the wrong number and called me by accident," Robin said as he put the phone down. Chrom's message rang through Robin's ears. "By the way, I'm technically part of a college group, and the leader said you can join if you want."

"Perfect, let's go there now," Gaius said as he stood next to the door. "I'm just gonna follow you because I do not understand this campus' layout." The two walked towards the spot Chrom marked on the map. Meanwhile, Cordelia put her phone down and covered her face with a nearby white pillow.

"How did it go?" Sumia asked as she sat opposite Cordelia on her bed, checking her phone.

"You gave me the wrong number. I called some man named Robin by accident and confessed my love to him." Cordelia moaned.

"Wait, did he say he knew Chrom?" Sumia asked.

"Yes, why exactly does that matter?"

"Oh my God, you just called Mr. Amnesia himself! The handsome mystery man whose very looks cause all to swoon!" Sumia teased Cordelia.

"Please stop," Cordelia looked at Sumia, tears streaking her eyes. "Need I remind you this was your idea."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I still think you should ask him out, though." Sumia stated as she stood up.

"It simply wouldn't work out. He's the head of a house, and I'm just a nobody." Cordelia pressed the pillow further into her face.

"Oh, come on. Just ask him out and see where it goes."

"Are you sure about this?" Cordelia removed her head from the pillows.

"Absolutely, in fact, you could join our house, too."

"I'd like that. I'll ask him out tonight, and here's hoping he loves me back." Cordelia stood up and grabbed her brown suitcase.

" _This is not going to end well_." Sumia thought as she helped stuff clothes into the suitcase. Cordelia finished packing her things and walked with Sumia to the house as the afternoon sun shined outside.

 

Meanwhile, Emmeryn walked into the campus meeting room while carrying a stack of papers, making eye-contact with her coworker, Frederick, as he sat in his chair.

"May I ask what the hell you're doing, accepting students who have no background whatsoever?" A man with red hair asked as he sat in his black chair.

"If you'd let me explain myself, Gangrel," Emmeryn responded, rolling her eyes as she set the stack of papers on the table. "I think our academy would greatly benefit from enrolling Robin."

"How so?" Frederick asked, taking another sip of his decaffeinated coffee. "Gangrel has a point, you know. We can't just go around and admit people who, for all intents and purposes, popped into existence this morning."

"These are the results from Robin's application test." Emmeryn handed copies of the paper to Frederick, Gangrel, and a man with long white hair.

"How the hell did he do so well?" Walhart stared at the parchment in disbelief, his mouth agape.

"Exactly," Emmeryn smirked as she sat down in her chair, watching in delight as the other members became dumbfounded.

"He got every single question right." Gangrel stated, placing the paper on the desk. "That's never happened before."

"There isn't even a logical answer to question 49! It's an opinion disguised as a question, and he still got it correct!" Walhart placed stood up, pacing back and forth with his hands behind his back. "He's exceedingly smart, but we still know next-to-nothing about him!"

"Here's my proposition: We enroll him for one year, free of charge, but we persuade him into winning that regional quiz contest. If he accepts and wins, we'll get a great deal of profit and he can stay enrolled. If he refuses, we have no choice but to let him go." Emmeryn stood up, placing both hands on the table and leaning forward.

"Sounds good to me." Gangrel looked over the paper again, a smile creeping along his face.

"I don't know," Frederick took another sip of his coffee, downing the remaining half. "I still don't trust the fact that he has no background."

"I agree with you, but the pros simply outweigh the cons. All in favor of admitting Robin to Ylissean University, say 'I'." Emmeryn raised her hand. "I."

"I." Walhart's hand shot up like a rocket.

"I." Gangrel spoke with glee as he raised his hand.

Frederick let out a sigh. "I."

* * *

Special thanks to Lily F. for inspiring this story.

So what will happen to all these lovable bastards? Will Cordelia actually ask Chrom out? Will Robin join the group (painfully obvious spoilers: he does)? Will Stahl wear a jockstrap? Find out all this and more in the following chapters.


	2. Put Down that Pasta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac eats pasta and learns the mysteries of the female mind.

* * *

Robin walked into the large house and was dumbstruck at how lavish it was. It consisted of a gigantic living room with blue walls, plenty of bedrooms, and a pretty spacious kitchen to boot.

"Welcome back, Robin. I see you brought a friend." Chrom said as he offered to carry Gaius' suitcase. Gaius shook his head at Chrom before he walked into the living room.

"Damn this is a nice house…" Gaius stated as he drooled over the exquisite furniture.

"Being related to the head administrator has its benefits," Lissa said as she walked over, a brown bag of pretzels in hand.

"If you two are serious about joining, you gotta learn the secret handshake," Chrom said as he waved his hands wildly in the air before simply shaking Robin's own. "Now repeat it." Robin did his best to replicate the handshake with Gaius and almost got it down. "Eh, close enough. Welcome to the team, boys. Pick any room you want that's vacant, but you might have to share if more people join." Chrom sat down on the beige couch.

"Well, see ya later, roomie," Gaius said as he lugged his suitcase upstairs. "If anyone needs me, I'll be eating candy in this room."

"Well, Robin, are you going to pick a room or not?" Lissa asked as she put pretzels in Vaikes mouth.

"I will, I will," Robin said as he looked through the available rooms. He settled on one closest to the end of the main hallway of the first floor. The room had almost the same features (minus the kitchen counter) as his dorm but with more space and a larger desk to boot. Robin curled up in the spacious bed, shutting his eyes as he fell asleep from exhaustion.

 

Robin's eyes fluttered open as sunlight poured through the nearby curtain. He turned his head and glanced at the clock to see that it was currently five PM. He exited his room to see that all the members (including Gaius) were lounging around in the living room.

"I still think we need a name for our group," Vaike said.

"Yeah, something like... " Chrom looked around the room and saw a picture of a sheep on the tv. "The Shepherds."

"That's… actually not a bad name." Maribelle raised her hand to protest but put it down.

"Alright, all opposed to the name speak now, or forever hold your peace, or something," Chrom said. No one raised their hand. "All right, Shepherds it is. Hey, speaking of words that start with S, where's Sumia?" Chrom asked.

"Lemme check." Lissa pulled out her phone. "Huh, she's bringing Cordelia to join the Shepherds, and they'll be here in fifteen minutes." Lissa put down her phone.

"Cordelia? I kinda know her." Robin stated groggily as he sat down.

"Oh, I see you're up," Chrom said as he put down the television remote. "How do you know Cordelia?"

"Well, first I discovered this phone in my coat pocket, thanks to Gaius." Robin pulled out his phone. "Cordelia called my number thinking it was yours, and then proceeded to profess her love for you."

"Wait, she loves me?!" Chrom's cheeks turned bright red.

"Apparently." Robin shrugged before yawning.

"But the thing is… I like her as a friend, not as a girlfriend." Chrom glanced to his side awkwardly.

"Chrom, this girl you've known since kindergarten is obsessed with you. Why not just make her feel happy? You know what happened to her recently." Lissa tried to calm Chrom down.

"I know she's had a rough life, but my heart just doesn't like her romantically."

"It's his decision guys." Gaius stood up and raised both hands. "If he doesn't like this Cordelia chick, it's his business."

"Thanks, Gaius." Chrom gave Gaius a smile before the doorbell rang. Chrom walked to and opened the door, and a burly man in his thirties entered the room. "Hey, Mr. Basilio, what can I do for you on this fine day?" Chrom asked.

"Nice to see you too Chrom, and please, call me Basilio. Anyway, I'm here because I have an offer for you. My niece Olivia just transferred her, and she's pretty shy." Basilio stepped to his left to reveal a pink haired woman behind him, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts.

"H-hello everyone," Olivia said meekly, the ponytail that kept her hair waving in the wind.

"I was wondering if she could join your hou-" Basilio was cut off by Chrom.

"We changed it to 'The Shepherds'. And yes, she can join." Chrom's cheeks blushed again. Olivia made eye contact with him and refused to break it.

"You don't know how much this means to me," Basilio said as he shook Chrom's hand. "I thought I would have to bribe you or something."

"No problem Mr. B," Lissa said as she shook Olivia's hand. "My name's Lissa, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask them." Lissa attempted to help Olivia settle in, but Olivia couldn't tear her eyes off the handsome blue-haired man standing before her.

" _That jawline could probably save lives_." Olivia thought to herself as she stared at his muscular figure.

"Thanks again for this," Basilio said as he exited the house, and Olivia sat down next to Chrom on the sofa.

" _God she looks beautiful._ " Chrom thought as he admired her long pink hair.

" _God this is not going to end well._ " Lissa realized as she watched the two lovebirds stare deeply into each other's eyes.

"So uh… do you want me to help you pick a room?" Chrom coughed into his shoulder nervously.

"I'd like that," Olivia smiled as she clutched her suitcase. Chrom stood up and walked with Olivia up the stairs to help her pick a room.

"Well then." Gaius made sure Chrom wasn't in earshot. "Can anyone else spell r-u-s-h-e-d?"

"Yeah, seriously? He just found out his friend loved him, and now he's flirting with someone he doesn't even know." Maribelle folded her arms.

"Who exactly was that man?" Robin watched as Chrom entered the room next to his, Olivia following close by.

"Oh, that's Basilio. He and Flavia are the gym teachers here, but Emmeryn knew him before he got the job." Vaike answered.

"Ah, I see." Robin sat down. Lissa pulled her phone out and started texting Sumia.

" **We've got trouble."** Lissa had messaged Sumia.

" **what happened?"** Sumia replied.

**"Some shy girl named Olivia just joined the group, and Chrom's already in love with her."**

**"oh god no. we're gonna have to break this to cordey gently"**

"Who are you texting?" Cordelia asked as stood outside the house with her luggage and Sumia.

"Uh, nothing!" Sumia hurriedly crammed her phone in her pocket. "Don't go in there yet! They need some time to make the house look nice." Sumia desperately stalled for time.

"Alright, just let me know when it's fine for us to enter," Cordelia stated as she waited patiently.

 **"okay i stalled for time and we're right outside the house"** Sumia texted Lissa.

 **"Hang on, I got an idea."** Lissa put down her phone. "Hey, Robin, you said Cordelia called you by accident, right?"

"Yeah." Robin was busy reading a book he found off the nearby shelf before he looked up.

"Well, she's outside the house right now, and you're currently the most eligible person to tell her about Chrom. Could you go wait with her, and/or break it to her gently?"

"But why me?" Robin stood up and slipped his feet into his brown shoes.

"You really think Sumia wouldn't bungle this entire thing?" Lissa raised her eyebrow at him.

"Alright, I understand," Robin spoke as he stood near the door.

"Okay, let me give you my phone number first." Lissa read her phone number out loud, and Robin added it to his contact's list.

 **"Robin's gonna distract Cordelia and tell her about Chrom. I'm sending him out in 3,"** Lissa texted Sumia.

 **"got it"** Sumia replied, a warm breeze wafting by her face.

 **"2, 1, INCOMING!** Go go go!" Lissa pointed to the door as Robin stumbled outside.

"Gotta go, sorry!" Sumia yelled as she grabbed Cordelia's suitcase, scrambled into the house, and shut the door behind her. Once she was inside, she breathed a sigh of relief as she leaned against the wall.

"Wait, what just happened?" Cordelia stood up and looked around, perplexed by the tall white-haired man standing before her.

"Uh… hello there. My name's Robin." Said the man, a hint of nervousness in his tone. Robin noted down her features, such as her red sundress and her long red hair.

"Wait, I recognize your voice." Cordelia slowly realized she was talking to Mr. Amnesia.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you called me by accident." Robin chuckled before realizing she was almost as tall as him.

"I'm so very sorry about that." Cordelia sighed as she covered her face with her palms.

"Don't be, we all make mistakes." Robin attempted to comfort her.

"Well, the thing is, I can't really... afford... to make mistakes." Cordelia sat down on her knees.

"How so?" Robin sat down next to her.

"I'm known as 'Little Miss Perfect' because I'm a prodigy at everything, which designated me as the local target for ridicule in grade school. Sumia was my only close friend growing up, but my parents supported me the best they could with the bullying and Chrom. But that all changed on the night of my fifteenth birthday when our house caught fire." Cordelia paused, and Robin could tell this was a touchy subject for her.

"Oh…" Robin interjected, his brown eyes wide with shock.

"It gets worse, much worse. My parents would have made it out, but my leg got caught in the falling rubble. They sacrificed themselves to pry me out, and ever since then I've lived with Sumia's family. Her parents used the last of their money to afford scholarships for Sumia and myself, and I cannot disappoint them." Cordelia angled her head to the ground.

"That's a... very somber story," Robin said as he felt a twinge of sadness.

"I just feel so hopeless and alone all the time… What if I disappoint Sumia's parents? What if I continue to make no friends throughout college?" Cordelia started sobbing as she sat down on the pavement, bringing her knees to her chest.

"Hey, don't be sad." Robin cautiously scooted closer to her and patted her on the back. "You've had a really tough life, and you're carrying the weight of your whole world on your shoulders. But I promise you, it'll get better."

"You really think so?" Cordelia raised her head to look at him, her black eyeliner running down her face.

"Yes." Robin wiped her face with his sleeve.

"Thank you," Cordelia mumbled silently as she wrapped her arms around Robin's frame. His cheeks turned bright red and he felt a spark of an emotion that he didn't quite comprehend.

"I know you'll fit in with the rest of the Shepherds," Robin reassured her as Cordelia leaned on him. "And we can be friends if you want."

"I'd like that," Cordelia replied before her thoughts began to center around Chrom. "And maybe Chrom will…" A glimmer of hope shone in Cordelia's red eyes as she let go of Robin's chest.

" _I really need to tell her._ " Robin thought to himself. "About that, Chrom actually…" Robin stopped mid-sentence.

" _You absolutely cannot tell her. Do you want to be the one who shatters her heart?"_ A mysteriously distorted voice inside his head spoke, and time itself seemed to stop. " _Besides, you already know that you love her._ "

" _What!? That's ridiculous! Why would I fall in love with someone I just met?"_ Robin replied to the voice with his thoughts.

" _Take a good look at everything about her. Now look at her beautiful face, look at her personality, look at her tragic life, can you honestly say you don't have feelings for her?"_ The voice responded back.

" _...No."_ Robin thought meekly _._

" _Exactly. You know deep down you love her, so don't be the one who breaks her heart."_ Robin could feel the voice leaving.

"What were you saying about Chrom?" Cordelia asked, her bright smile melting Robin's heart.

"Chrom is uh… taking a nap right now, so you're gonna have to wait to ask him."

"Oh, alright. Why don't we go inside then?" Cordelia asked.

"Great idea," Robin said as he pulled out his phone. "I just need to ask Lissa a question." " **Alright Cordelia and I are going back inside the house. I told her that Chrom's sleeping."** Robin texted Lissa.

" **Got it. We told Chrom about this, and we'll hide him in his room."** Lissa replied. After a brief minute, Lissa gave him the go-ahead.

"Alright, we can go inside." Robin stood up.

"Understood." Cordelia stood up as well and walked beside him to the door.

"Ready?" Robin turned to look at her.

"Ready." Cordelia looked at him with a smile on her face. Robin opened the door and walked inside behind Cordelia.

 

Later that day, Robin had helped Cordelia pick a room on the second floor, and was currently sitting at the black counter in the kitchen eating spaghetti-os when Sumia approached him.

"You like her, don't you?" Sumia said with a light smile as she pulled a chair next to him.

"Who do you think I like?" Robin raised his eyebrow and put down the pasta.

"Cordelia. It's almost as obvious as her love for Chrom. Why else would you refuse to hurt her feelings?" Sumia replied smugly, her light smile turning a bit more devious.

"S-so what?" Robin's voice squeaked. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, dear God no. I can't tell you how happy I am." Sumia held her hands in front of her. "This is exactly what she needs."

"Oh, that's a relief." Robin resumed eating the spaghetti-os. "Do you have any advice for getting her to like me?" He swallowed the last of the red soupy noodles.

"Well, first we need Chrom out of the picture, which should be solved by our mutual friend Olivia. Next, you need to get really cuddly with her when she finds out about Olivia, I'm talking 'I got you this stuffed bear.' cuddly." Sumia would've continued for hours before Robin interrupted her.

"I mean personality-wise."

"Oh uh, just be yourself I guess? Also don't be a jerk, she hates guys that are jerks."

"Thanks for the advice," Robin said as he walked back to the couch where Chrom and the gang already were.

"You know what we should do?" Chrom stood up.

"Party?" Gaius pulled a party hat out of his coat pocket. Robin wondered what else was kept in that coat pocket.

"I love you already." Chrom sat back down as he pulled his phone out. "Alright, it's currently… six o'clock. How about in two hours we start the party?" The entirety of the Shepherds agreed. "Alrighty then!" Chrom said as he heard a rustling noise from above. He looked up to see Cordelia standing on the balcony, her head resting on her hand as her joints stiffened in fear.

" _Damn! He noticed me!"_ Cordelia thought to herself as her ears grew hotter and hotter.

" _Damn! She's been spying on me!"_ Chrom thought to himself. "Oh, uh… I didn't see you there Cordelia. How long were you staring at me?"

"A-about an hour sir," Cordelia replied meekly, a faint pink dusting her soft cheeks.

"Please, drop the formalities. We're all friends here, right?" Chrom glanced at Olivia for support; Olivia shrugged her shoulders.

"F-f-friends?!" Cordelia's cheeks matched her hair. She looked at Robin for help; he gave her a thumbs-up as he smiled.

"You heard about the party, right?" Chrom asked.

"Oh, yes, I absolutely love parties. Yes siree, Partydelia they called me back in high school. You couldn't even stop me from going to so many parties." Cordelia rattled on, trying to keep the conversation going as long as possible.

"Alright, I hope you'll grace us with your presence," Chrom said as he turned around.

" _This gives me an idea,"_ Cordelia thought as she scurried back to her room, shutting the door behind her and grabbing her phone. " _I wonder what his favorite kind of flowers are._ "

* * *

I'll have you know, spaghetti-os are the food of champions. If you want to beat Lunatic+ AND The True Arena, eat nothing but spaghetti-os.


	3. Countdown to Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac kisses sleeping woman and regrets everything.

* * *

Right when the clock struck seven, Chrom realized he needed party supplies. "Hey Robin, could you go get stuff for the party? There's a store fifteen minutes from here, and I was thinking you could bring Corde-" Chrom said before Robin cut him off.

"Even you know?!" Robin's eyes went wide with despair. Chrom pointed behind his shoulder to Sumia, who grinned as she leaned against the wall.

"News travels quickly my friend. I suggest you use every minute you can with her before the party, as there is no way she won't find out about me before tonight ends." Chrom spoke with a tone full of warning.

"Got it, should I go tell her about the supply run?" Robin asked.

"Already on it." Sumia pulled her phone out and texted Cordelia. A minute later, Robin could hear footsteps on the stairway.

"Shall we get going, Robin?" Cordelia asked as she slid her shoes on.

"After you," Robin said as he held the door open and Cordelia walked outside with Robin close behind.

"Follow me, I know something we can use to arrive there sooner," Cordelia said as she led Robin to a sleek red car that had wings painted on the side. "I always loved myths about pegasi, so I figured 'Why not decorate my car like one?'." Cordelia smiled as she sat in the driver's seat.

"This car is beautiful…" Robin was dumbstruck at how clean the black interior was.

"I try my best to make it look good. Hop in." Cordelia turned on the engine while Robin seated himself in the window seat.

An hour later, at a nearby grocery store, Robin sighed as he put the final bag in the trunk. "Well, I think that's everything,"

"Agreed," Cordelia pulled her phone out to check the time. It was currently eight o'clock, and they had just enough time to make the second stop Cordelia needed. "On the way back, do you mind if I stop at a floral shop to get some flowers for Chrom?" Cordelia asked as she got into the car.

"No, but why do you need flowers for him?" Robin got into the car as well.

"I've decided it's time to stop standing around idly and tell him how I feel, so I figured blue roses would do nicely." Cordelia started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Alright, that sounds good." Robin's mind started racing. " _Oh God, she's screwed._ " He thought to himself as he remembered Chrom's warning. " _But this is exactly what Sumia said would work, so here's hoping it isn't too devastating._ " Robin thought as he lost track of time by staring at Cordelia while she wasn't looking. He did this for five minutes until Cordelia pulled into the parking lot of a flower shop.

"Alright, I'll head in and acquire the flowers, you stay here." Cordelia exited the car.

"Got it," Robin said as he pulled his phone out.

**"We're gonna need the party started before we get there. Cordelia's bringing flowers and planning on telling Chrom how she feels."** Robin had texted Sumia.

**"ok, ill c if i can start the party, and maybe i can get chrom and olivia to make out"** Sumia responded. Robin put down his phone and brainstormed ideas for comforting Cordelia after the storm. He had finally decided on what he considered the best course of action when Cordelia opened the car door.

"You should smell these roses." Cordelia handed Robin a bouquet of blue roses while she smiled. Robin put them up to his nose and felt the pollens tickle his nostrils.

"These smell wonderful. You made the right choice buying these." He set the flowers back into the bag.

"Thanks." Cordelia started the engine. "You know, this sounds bizarre considering we just met, but I really do consider you a close friend. Thank you for helping me this afternoon." Cordelia said as she drove down the road back to the campus parking lot.

"Anytime, and it's good to make friends with wonderful people like yourself," Robin said, a grin on his face.

"Oh," Cordelia's cheeks and ears began to match her hair. "Normally I hate flattery, but I'll make an exception for you."

 

Meanwhile, back at the party, Sumia had convinced Chrom that they had enough food in the fridge, which allowed the party to kick into full swing. Lissa and Vaike drunkenly made out on the couch while Miriel watched in slight discomfort as she read her book upside down, and Maribelle was watching Stahl (who had never met Robin due to sleep schedule) attempt to break the record for most chips eaten in a single minute. Sumia's true focus, however, was the orange haired new guy, who she had to admit looked pretty cute. She slowly walked over and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"Hi there, I don't think we've met. My name's Sumia, what's yours?" Sumia said as she clutched her glass of water.

"Gaius, but you can call me The Sweets Master." Gaius leaned his back against a wall.

"Alright S&M," Sumia grinned as Gaius realized that S&M could be interpreted as sadomasochism.

"Oh, goddamnit." Gaius let out a groan as Sumia laughed hysterically.

"You practically walked into that one!" She almost spat her water out from giggling. "So I'm assuming you like-" Gaius cut her off.

"Candy. All I value in this Earth is candy." Gaius pulled a Snickers bar out of his pocket. "Want some?"

"Sure, I guess?" Sumia grabbed the Snickers bar and proceeded to eat it. "Dang, this tastes good." She said licking the chocolate and peanuts off her teeth.

"Now you know why I like candy so much. So… wanna be friends?" Gaius asked as he held his hand out.

"I'd like that," Sumia smiled and shook his hand. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, S&M."

"The pleasure's," Gaius winked at her. "All mine. Now if you excuse me, I have to-" Gaius paused, his eyes wide. "Oh my God, you need to see this." Gaius grabbed Sumia firmly by the shoulders and turned her around.

"What, Chrom's sitting on the couch and Olivia's… oh." Sumia realized that Olivia was in the process of gyrating her hips.

"I really like you…" Olivia spoke with a dreamy tone as she shook her waist in front of the sitting man.

"I really like you too…" Chrom's eyes grew to the size of planetoids, and he could feel something else growing as well. Robin and Cordelia had just exited the car when Robin's phone buzzed.

**"GET CORDY TO THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY, THIS IS JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS!"** Sumia had texted Robin, the caps-lock signifying extreme importance.

**"Got it."** Robin replied with one hand as he held the party bags with his other. "We should hurry, the party's already started." Robin walked at a brisk pace towards the house, the rock slate clacking against his shoes.

"Understood, I'll carry the flowers." Cordelia locked the car door and walked behind Robin. The cold air of the night blasted her nerves before they arrived at the front door; Cordelia opened the door. "Chrom! There's something that I need to get off my chest!" Cordelia yelled, as she held the flowers out, her gaze drifting around the room until it settled on Chrom, who was receiving a lap-dance from that pink haired girl. The sound of glass breaking filled her ear as she could feel her heart metaphorically shatter into trillions of pieces.

"C-Cordelia!" Chrom stuttered as he stood up. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out this way!" Cordelia looked at him, tears starting to fill her maroon colored irises.

"I'm s-sorry you two," Her voice croaked. "Please get back to what you were doing. You deserve happiness more than me." Cordelia slowly trudged up the stairs and gently closed the door to her room as she walked inside. She flopped onto the bed like a dead fish and sobbed into her pillow. "I _'m a failure._ " was the only thought that went through her mind. Her phone buzzed.

**"I'm so sorry about this. (this is Robin btw)"** Robin sent the message as he stumbled up the staircase.

**"Please don't try to help me. I deserve this for trying to make someone love me."** Cordelia responded, tears escaping her eyes.

"Too late." Just as Cordelia read the message through her blurry eyes, she heard a knock on her door.

"Robin, please don't see me like this…" Cordelia moaned.

"The only way I can help you is if you let me in." Robin knocked on the door again.

"I don't need help, I just want to be alone for the rest of my life." Cordelia threw a pillow at a nearby wall.

"Look, if Chrom's not interested in you, he's making the wrong decision. Any man that loves you is a lucky man in my book." Robin tried to reassure her through a wall, his tone genuinely passionate. " _I'm gonna need more four-leaf clovers._ " Cordelia opened the door, looked him directly in the eyes, then flopped back onto her bed while sobbing. Robin shut the door behind him. "Heartbreak is awful, and I wish I could just stop the pain, but I can't. If Chrom isn't interested in you, just move on, and find other people." Robin said as he patted Cordelia on the shoulder.

She raised her head, staring at him with tear-soaked eyes. "I can't begin to describe how much this help means to me," Cordelia stated as she hugged Robin. "Thank you."

"Are you ready to rejoin the party?" Robin asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I think so," Cordelia said as she wiped her eyes before walking back to the party with Robin in tow.

 

It had been a month since the school year started, and Robin discovered he had most of his classes with Chrom, who had almost the same classes as Cordelia. Robin and Cordelia became incredibly fast friends, but Robin's true feelings were never revealed. On this particular night, Cordelia came over to Robin's room for help with the homework. Robin looked up from his book to discover she had fallen asleep at his desk. "Shouldn't you be getting sleep?" Robin asked. Cordelia snapped upright and looked around.

"You're right, it's late. I should get going." Cordelia struggled to get out of the chair, her voice weak. "Oh, dear me, I'm too exhausted to move. Could you…"

"Already one step ahead of you," Robin said as he walked over to Cordelia's side. He slid one hand underneath her knees and another behind her back as he lifted her off the chair. He exited his room and started to walk towards Cordelia's room as she rested her head on his shoulder.

" _This is very, very comfortable._ " She thought to herself, as she moved her head closer to Robin's purple-clad shoulder. He walked up the stairs, his shoes making soft thumps on the carpeted steps. He checked to see if Cordelia was asleep before he entered her room and kissed her on the forehead. Cordelia's heart skipped a beat. Robin sat her down on the bed and leaned in close to her.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear before exiting her room. Cordelia's mind was reeling. She made sure it had been a minute since Robin left before she quietly screamed into her pillow like an excited school girl.

"Oh my goodness, he loves me!" She had faked sleep the entire time she was in Robin's arms and was currently hyperventilating. " _Oh God, oh God, oh dear God. How long has this been going on?_ " Cordelia thought as she put the puzzle pieces together in her head. " _Of course, why else would he volunteer to stall me, and ask me to go with him to get party supplies?_ " Meanwhile, Robin lied in his bed pondering if he made the right decision kissing Cordelia like that.

" _How exactly do I tell her my feelings?_ " Robin had pondered this question for a month and still had no answers.

" _Oh my God, he's probably scared that if he asks me out, it'll end up like the party._ " Cordelia paced back ad forth in her room, unable to stop thinking about him. Eventually, she reached for her phone when she made up her mind about the situation.

**"Hello."** Robin's pulse quickened as he realized Cordelia sent that text.

**"Oh, you're up."** Robin texted back. **"Were you awake when I put you in bed?"**

**"Do you really love me?"** Cordelia sent the message and eagerly awaited his response.

**"If you want an honest answer, yes. I've been in love with you ever since we first met, and I haven't been able to articulate how I feel for you."**

**"Oh."** Cordelia bit the left side of her lip and gripped her phone tightly as she began to text the next message.

**"Let me guess, you're going to laugh at me and tell your friends about how much of a bumbling idiot I am?"** Robin sent the message and braced himself for the 'Let's just be friends' text.

**"Quite the opposite actually. I really like you."** Cordelia could hear her heartbeat in her ears.

**"Well uh, would you be interested in dating? I saved up some money so we could go to that fancy restaurant near the campus."** Robin couldn't believe how lucky he was.

**"I'd really like to date you, Robin. And you don't need to woo me with dinner dates."**

**"Thank you for making my night Cordelia."** Robin texted as he put his phone down and shut his eyes.

**"No, thank YOU for making my night."** Cordelia fell asleep and thought about how awkward explaining tonight to everyone else would be.

* * *

I've always liked the idea of Cordelia walking in on Chrom getting a lap dance from Olivia. Probably because it's a nice twist on the standard "Sumia does the do with Chrom, which devastates Cordelia" trope.


	4. Pots and Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local family becomes pudding.

* * *

Cordelia heard the sounds of silverware clinking as she woke up, and felt a pair of soft hands gently push her shoulders back down to the mattress.

"Good morning sweetheart. Don't move, or you'll ruin the surprise." Her mother said in a caring tone, her loving smile practically being put into words.

"I guarantee you'll love it." The gruff yet affectionate tone of her father filled her eardrums. The warm sunlight filled her eyes as she opened them, discovering that she was in her old bedroom. The familiar pink walls seemed to welcome her into a serene environment, a nostalgic warmth building in her body. Cordelia realized she was lying in her bed, a metallic tray resting atop her.

"Happy fifteenth birthday!" Her mother smiled joyfully as she pointed to the blue cake on the tray.

"Oh, you two!" Cordelia wanted to hug her parents but did not want to ruin her cake.

"Now before you dig in, your mother and I have a question." Her father lifted the tray off her lap before she could eat.

"Why did you abandon us?" Her mother smiled eerily, her face flickering and becoming distorted. Her long blond hair burst into flame as her skin fell off her body.

"I didn't- oh my God!" Cordelia yelled in shock as her room transformed into a smoldering pile of rubble. Her parents had melted into a puddle, their arms outstretched as they clawed towards Cordelia.

"You're a failure." They chanted repeatedly, their heads sinking into the puddle of blood and skin. "Failure, failure, failure!"

"Ah!" Cordelia screamed as she bolted upright in her bed. She observed her surroundings, a wave of relief washed over her as she found herself inside the Shepherd's house. She rolled over on her side and attempted to soothe herself, but had no such luck. " _That was just a dream, that was just a dream. I'm not a failure,_ " Cordelia repeated that message through her head, but it wasn't enough. " _They sacrificed themselves for me, and for what?"_ She couldn't fight back any longer and began to cry into her soft pillow. The creaking of her door opening filled her ears, and a figure tip-toed next to her bed.

"Are you alright?" The familiar voice of Sumia asked as she got down on her knees, her head propped on her arms.

"S-Sumia?" Cordelia sniffled as she wiped her eyes, barely able to distinguish her from the dark. "Why did you come here?"

"I heard your crying and I wanted to help," Sumia smiled as Cordelia rolled onto her back with a sigh.

"It's nothing, I just had a nightmare is all."

"About?" Sumia pried while her expression became rather concerned.

"Well, it started with me waking up in my old room..." Cordelia described the nightmare in vivid detail, even stating the color of the birthday cake.

"Dear God," Sumia gasped as her eyes widened with shock. "If I ever had that awful of a dream, I would be crying nonstop!"

"Now you've rediscovered why I'm a failure. They sacrificed themselves because I got careless and trapped." Cordelia rolled on her back as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh, for crying out loud. You're not a failure! You're smart, you're beautiful, you're funny, you're freaking perfect at everything and…" Sumia's voice trailed off as she mentally weighed the pros and cons of discussing Robin.

"And?" Cordelia pressed her for details.

"You got Robin to go head over heels for you." Sumia blurted out as she swiftly covered her mouth. "I shouldn't have said that."

"We started dating tonight, but that's very good to hear."

"See? If you were a failure, Robin wouldn't love you." Sumia continued to smile as she stood up.

"Thank you for the moral support," Cordelia whispered in her ear as she sat upright, wrapping her arms around her sister's frame. The pair held each other until they realized it was almost four in the morning.

"Well this has been really nice, but it's pretty late." Sumia released Cordelia from her iron grip and walked towards the doorway. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Cordelia said jubilantly as she lied on her back.

 

The next morning, Robin stared at the pages of his book until a hand tapped him on the shoulder. "Hm?" Robin asked as he turned around to see Sumia, who was wearing a purple t-shirt.

"So uh… Cordelia had a nightmare last night." Sumia twirled her finger through the bangs of her brown hair as her eyes darted around the room.

"Is she alright?" A look of concern appeared on Robin's face.

"Oh yeah, she's fine, thanks to yours truly." Sumia pointed to herself with her thumb. "But that's not why I'm here. So you two are dating, huh?"

"Yes, although the circumstances were… odd, to say the least."

"Tell me everything." Sumia sat down on the chair opposite the main couch as Robin described the events of last night. "Aw, that's so adorable!" Sumia exclaimed as she smiled. "So I was thinking you could make breakfast for her, so you guys can start off on a high note."

"What exactly should I make?" Robin gave her a quizzical look.

"Do you want me to just list off her favorite foods?" Sumia asked.

"I would appreciate that greatly." Robin scrolled to the notes section of his phone and was ready to add to his notes about Cordelia's likes and dislikes.

"Alright her favorite foods are french toast, steak, and…" Sumia pondered Cordelia's favorites for a minute before she snapped her fingers. "Red wine."

"Okay, so I'll make french toast and serve it to her?" Robin asked one last time as he stood up.

"Precisely." Sumia pointed at the fridge. "Stahl bought loads of them yesterday, so you just need to use the toaster. I'd recommend two buttered slices."

"Thanks for your help." Robin waved to her as he walked towards the kitchen. He returned after five minutes with a platter full of french toast. Sumia gave him a thumbs-up as he walked up the carpeted staircase, entering Cordelia's room after knocking. He set the plate down atop Cordelia's lap. Cordelia stirred and Robin held her down gently so she wouldn't flip the plate. "Good morning Cordelia," Robin smiled as he placed the silverware on the plate.

"You're awake early," Cordelia yawned as she lied in the position she slept in.

"I figured we should start our relationship the right way." Robin finished setting down the plate and removed his hands from Cordelia's shoulders. "All right, you can sit up now." Cordelia sat up slowly while she opened her eyes to see that Robin had made breakfast for her, a plate in the center holding the food.

"Oh, wow! You really shouldn't have." Cordelia smiled and realized what was on the plate. "Is that?" Cordelia pointed to the dish in the center, her eyes focusing on what looked to be her favorite kind of bread.

"Your favorite, french toast." Robin delicately placed his lips to her forehead. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything," Robin said with a satisfactory bounce in his voice. He shut the door behind him as he walked out of the room. Around five minutes later, Cordelia finished her breakfast of french toast.

" _That tasted wonderful._ " Cordelia licked her lips. A brief moment after, she began to ponder exactly what happened. " _Did he really just make me breakfast_ _after we started dating last night?_ " Cordelia put on a pair of dark blue jeans, a red shirt under a white colored shawl with sleeves, some white socks and a pair of black flats with small ribbons on the front. She exited the room with the platter in her hands. As she walked down the stairs, Robin noticed her and stood up from the couch, intending to carry the dish.

"Oh, I'll take care of that," Robin said as he took the dish from Cordelia's arms and moved towards the sink in the other room. He put the plate down in the stainless steel sink and turned the faucet for water to run over it. Robin dried his hands with a towel from the few drops of water that made it onto his skin and returned to Cordelia in the living room.

" _How did he know I liked french toast?_ " Cordelia thought as she sat down on the couch. Robin was the only other person currently in the living room (that they noticed) and he sat down next to her, the cushion flexing under his weight. Cordelia hugged him, which mildly surprised Robin. "Thank you for that delightful breakfast." She whispered in their tight embrace.

"The pleasure is mine," Robin replied as he hugged her back. He stared deep into Cordelia's beautiful red irises before he pressed his lips to hers. Cordelia went into a panic as a rush of foreign emotions began to flood her thoughts. Here he was, the man who had been after her from the very beginning of the school year, finally revealing his true colors and motivations. "I love you so much," Robin calmly whispered in her ear.

"I-I love you as well." Cordelia stuttered as Robin combed his soft fingers through the back of her head. Her hands were resting on her lap, clenched as sweat beads began to form on her brow.

"We can go as slow as you desire," Robin reassured her as he pulled his head away, his hands gently grabbing hold of her own.

"No, it's just…" Cordelia's voice trailed off as she sprang onto Robin's chest. He landed on his back, his head cushioned by the pillow as Cordelia lied atop him, her soft lips pressed against his own. Sumia smiled as she watched the passionate couple, ecstatic that she caused this. She noticed Gaius exiting his room, still shirtless from his rude awakening. He opened his mouth, but Sumia intercepted him before he could yell.

"Shh!" Sumia whispered as she wrapped her hands over Gaius' mouth. He struggled to break free, her hands tightening their grip on his face. "They're sharing a moment, dummy."

"But I was dreaming about candy goddamn mountain!" Gaius' voice was muffled through Sumia's hands. "How long have you been here, anyway?"

"About five minutes. I was sitting in that chair, and I guess they didn't notice me." Sumia pointed to a chair opposite the main sofa. "How about you come to my room, and we can play a game?" She suggested to the candy-loving man.

"Your games are boring, and I want to yell." Gaius inhaled sharply, preparing his lungs.

"Wait wait wait! I finally bought a copy of Candy Land!" Sumia stopped him; Gaius raised his left eyebrow quizzically.

"It's a deal." Gaius grabbed Sumia by the hand and dragged her to her room. He slammed the white painted door, which woke Chrom up.

"What the hell is that noise?" Chrom sat upright in his bed, blinking a few times to get the morning fog from his vision.

"It sounds like two people making out. Could you ask them to slow down or something?" Olivia looked at him before covering her face with a pillow to block the noise out, her pink hair splayed beneath it.

"I'm on it," Chrom said as he donned a tank top before leaving his room and looking over the balcony to see what was producing that noise. " _Is that… Robin? And Cordelia!?"_ Chrom thought, mildly surprised. " _Eh, good for them."_ Chrom walked down the stairs and tried to get Robin's attention by tapping him on the shoulder. "Robin, people are trying to sleep." He said in a tired but firm tone. Robin didn't hear Chrom, his entire thought process was revolving around Cordelia. Chrom tried tapping Cordelia on the shoulder with a few fingers. That didn't work either. " _My ears can't take much more of this._ " Chrom thought as he heard Cordelia moan for the tenth time this morning.

"What the hell is going on with anything!?" Stahl yelled as he wiped his eyes, his curly brown hair disheveled as he stood in his green footie pajamas.

"These two won't stop making out, and they're waking the entire house."

"Well, at least Robin got to second base." Stahl looked away from the passionate couple and started to blush.

"How can you tell, he's not even touching… oh." Chrom noticed where Robin's hands were and he could feel the blood in his cheeks turning his face bright red.

"How are we gonna get them to stop?" Stahl asked, still averting his eyes.

"I got an idea," Chrom said as he looked towards the kitchen. "Grab some pots and pans and give half of them to me. We're gonna get their attention the hard way." Chrom pointed to a cabinet in the kitchen. Stahl walked into said kitchen and returned with four gray pots. He handed two to Chrom and waited eagerly for the signal. "Alright. 3," Chrom held the pan up as Robin could feel his body getting hotter. "2," Cordelia shoved her pink tongue into Robin's mouth while Stahl readied his pan. "1!" Robin firmly gripped Cordelia's back. "Now!" Chrom yelled as he started banging pots with Stahl. "I just wanted some sleep! Is that too much to ask?" Chrom repeated in rhythm with Stahl. Robin jumped backward in shock, while Cordelia looked at Chrom with the expression of pure, unadulterated murder in her eyes.

"Chrom. May I inquire why the hell you interrupted us?" Cordelia gritted the words out through her teeth.

"Because some of us want to get sleep on a Saturday morning. I tried to get your attention multiple times, but nothing worked." Chrom gave her a smile that practically read 'Now what, sucker?'. "If you two wanna make out, go right ahead, just don't wake everyone up in the process."

"Alright then, we'll respect your wishes," Cordelia grabbed Robin by the arm and dragged him towards his own room, scowling at Chrom the entire time.

"Where are we going?" Robin asked as he was dragged on the floor, the carpet brushing against his purple cloak.

"To your room, where we shall continue where we left off." Cordelia kicked open the door to Robin's room and shoved him onto the neatly made bed.

"Are you doing this in spite of Chrom?" Robin asked as he picked carpet fibers off his cloak.

"Yes? No? I don't know, just stop talking and kiss me." Cordelia crawled like a feline onto Robin's chest and pressed her lips to his. After half an hour, Cordelia rested her head on Robin's shoulder and wrapped her arms around his chest as they lied on top of the bedspread. A moment later, Sumia yelled in the general direction of Cordelia's room.

"Hey, Robin! It's your turn to empty the dryer!" Her voice was muffled through the closed door.

"Understood!" Robin yelled back. He started to get up, but Cordelia made a low guttural grunt and tightened her grip on his slim form.

"Just five more minutes," Cordelia said in a drowsy tone, her head nuzzling into the warmth of his neck.

"You sound tired. How much sleep did you get last night?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow. Cordelia shrugged slightly.

"I think maybe two hours? I couldn't sleep because of that nightmare."

"Okay, you get some sleep and I'll handle the laundry. When you wake up we can resume cuddling, if you want." Robin smiled and moved to get up.

"Fine, but you better prepare yourself for an hour of couples time with me when I wake up," Cordelia said as she let go of Robin's chest and tousled his white hair. Robin got up and stood in the doorway.

"I love you," Robin said affectionately as he left the door open slightly.

"I love you too…" Cordelia's voice continued to hold an O sound as she drifted off into slumber.

* * *

Remember kiddies, Candy Land solves all your problems.


	5. Gaius' Time to Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac stalks his girlfriend.

* * *

Robin sat on the couch with a water bottle clutched in one hand and Cordelia's hand tightly grasped in his other hand as she sat next to him. Sumia stood up after sitting silently on the blue chair for five minutes. "We really should do something to commemorate your relationship."

"And that is?" Cordelia asked, tilting her head slightly.

"We should go out to dinner tonight!" Sumia stated as she clapped her hands in glee.

"Who's paying?" Robin asked bluntly as he leaned forward.

"Well, I've been saving up money for various things, but I can pay." Sumia pulled several dollar bills out of her coat pocket.

"Did someone say free food?" Gaius asked as he emerged from his room, melted chocolate smeared around his mouth.

"Yeah sure, Gaius can come too. I'll go look up restaurants near us and we can leave in an hour." Sumia said as she ran to her room excitedly, her sock clad feet making little thump sounds through the room. Gaius looked over to made sure her door was shut before he sat down with his arm around Robin's shoulders.

"Hopefully, I can ask her out tonight," Gaius said in a calm tone. Robin spat his water out and Cordelia looked at Gaius, her eyes as wide as her hands.

"Wait, what!?" Robin coughed to clear the water out of his throat.

"What, I thought you two were smart enough to see this coming a mile away." Gaius raised his eyebrow as he leaned back.

"Obviously not!" Robin said as he put his water down on the glass coffee table in front of him.

"This is so exciting!" Cordelia stood up, clasping her hands together. "How are you going to ask her? Are you going to shower her with flowers? Will you write a poem describing your love for her?" More and more ideas were flooding Cordelia's mind.

"Honestly, I don't get why you care so much." Gaius stared at her, his black irises blank.

"Considering you have a crush on my adoptive sister, I'm very excited."

"So do you need our help with anything?" Robin asked his sweets-loving friend. Gaius thought for a brief second.

"Yeah, could you guys skedaddle during tonight when I give you this signal?" Gaius made a hole with one hand and stuck his finger through it. Cordelia fought to urge to outright slap him.

"Alright, but maybe something less suggestive, like this?" Robin held his elbow out and tapped it.

"To be honest, I only made that signal to see the look on your girlfriend's face, but whatever," Gaius whispered in Robin's ear.

"I heard that," Cordelia whispered in Gaius' ear, her tone rather annoyed.

" _Well damn_." Gaius thought to himself.

 

Later that day, Sumia had decided on a fancy-ish restaurant fifteen minutes away from the campus and Robin currently sat in the cushiony booth admiring Cordelia from across the table, the street lights from outside illuminating her hair. A blond waiter walked up to the table with pen and paper in her hand.

"Welcome to Dois Aller Vite, what beverages do you desire?" The waiter asked, her eyes staring at Cordelia. Cordelia opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Robin.

"She'll have your finest glass of red wine." Robin pointed at Cordelia, remembering that Sumia offered to drive. She was dumbstruck that Robin guessed her favorite drink, and decided to not press him about it.

" _I'll wait and see where this goes…_ " Cordelia thought calmly. After the waiter left, Sumia's jaw was agape.

"Wow! You two really know each other!" She exclaimed at the two while smiling.

"Yes, very peculiar, isn't it?" Cordelia glared at Robin with an 'I'm watching you' look. Robin nervously tugged the neck of his black dress shirt as Cordelia's gaze penetrated his very soul. Gaius smiled mischievously as he realized what was happening.

"Looks like the jigs up, partner." Gaius imitated a cowboy accent as he whispered in Robin's ear.

"I realized that," Robin whispered back. Coincidentally after Robin decided what to eat, the waiter came back with drinks.

"May I have your order?" The waiter asked the group. Cordelia didn't bother opening her mouth, she wanted to see what Robin did.

"She'll have the sirloin tips with a side salad," Robin answered.

"How does she want her sirloin cooked?" The waiter asked, her eyebrow raised as she scribbled onto her notes.

" _He'll never guess it._ " Cordelia prepared herself to interrupt him.

"Medium well," Robin replied calmly as he smiled.

" _How did he?!_ " Cordelia feigned neutrality, while inside her thoughts she put the pieces together. " _He's typing something into his phone all the time. Is he keeping notes on me?_ " After everyone ordered their food, Gaius tapped his elbow, which was the cue for Robin and Cordelia to temporarily depart. "I just remembered, I left my car unlocked," Cordelia said as she stood up, clutching her hand bag tightly.

"And I left my refrigerator in the car!" Robin blurted out as he strode out of the restaurant with Cordelia. Robin was mesmerized by her flowing red dress and the clack of her high heels as he walked behind her. Cordelia stopped in front of her car, her arm outstretched towards Robin.

"We should head back in five minutes, may I use your phone to set the timer?" Cordelia asked.

"Sure." Robin unlocked his phone and handed it to her. She snatched it out of his hand.

" _Right into my trap._ " Cordelia thought as she immediately tapped on the notes app. There was a single section, and it was labeled 'Cordelia'. Inside was multiple pages of her likes and dislikes, all of which were startlingly accurate. "So what exactly is this encyclopedia of my interests doing in your notes?" Cordelia asked.

"Oh God, I didn't think you'd…" Robin stammered, unable to finish his sentence before Cordelia planted her lips on his. "Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Because, besides my parents, no one's ever cared about me the way you do. Thank you." Cordelia backed Robin up against the car as she smiled lewdly. "I'm not sure if it's the alcohol, but you look incredibly attractive tonight."

"Alright, alright, let's just get back to the restaurant." Robin gently pushed Cordelia away from him.

"But I was just starting to have fun…" Cordelia frowned as she folded her arms.

"I think we should just stick to cuddling for the time being." Robin gave her another patient smile.

"You really should delete those notes. You don't need extra help to make me love you even more." Cordelia hugged his arm as they walked back into the restaurant. While Robin and Cordelia had been outside, Gaius was just about to ask Sumia the question he wanted to get off his chest before he was interrupted.

"Are you gonna ask me out?" Sumia cut Gaius off as she swirled her drink.

"H-how could you tell?" Gaius asked, taken aback.

"Oh come on. The three of you were loudly broadcasting ideas for asking me out while I sat in my room." She said, looking down at her strawberry margarita.

"Well, mystery solved, I guess." Gaius waited for her to look up from her drink. He impatiently tapped her shoulder after a few moments; Sumia jerked her head up.

"Sorry, sorry, I was just thinking about something." Sumia looked nervously at Gaius.

"Us?" Gaius asked as he leaned closer to her, his reassuring smile bolstering her confidence.

"Kinda, like how I thought you were really cute when I first saw you." Sumia couldn't tear her eyes off of him.

"Do you still think that?" Gaius asked in a questioning tone.

"Why else would I spend an entire day playing candy land with you, dummy." Sumia chuckled as Gaius stood up. "Where are you going?"

"I'm staying right here," Gaius said as he walked around the table and sat down next to Sumia. "Will you go out with me?" He asked with a smile.

"Absolutely," Sumia smiled as she wrapped her arms around Gaius' slender figure. Gaius rested his head next to Sumia's for what felt like an eternity before Cordelia tapped him on the shoulder.

"Are we interrupting something?" Cordelia asked.

"No no no! Sit down." Sumia motioned her hands towards the booth hurriedly as she got lost in Gaius' eyes.

* * *

Thank God Cordelia didn't have a frozen caveman in her car, or else we'd have to hear about how she's "...glad he's frozen in there and that we're out here, and that he's the sheriff, and that we're frozen out here, and that we're in there and I just remembered we're out here. What I wanna know is where's the caveman?"


	6. A Bunny Costume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local man gets pranked by his girlfriend and his subconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: A good portion of this chapter is smut. If you're uncomfortable with that, it's incredibly obvious when the smut begins, so take that as a warning.

* * *

Cordelia stepped out of her car, the morning fog clouding her vision as she walked out of the parking lot. She needed a costume for the Halloween costume party later in the night, a plan she desired to enact with said costume already formulated in her thoughts. The only problem was locating a suitable one, and after hours of online shopping she had come up empty-handed. The strict deadline of the evening forced her to shop locally, at the seediest store she knew.

Her hands were stuffed into the pockets of her white trench coat as she entered the relatively tiny building, the large neon sign above reading 'Awakened Passions'. A bell chimed as she entered, the smell of various herbs and spices filling her nostrils as a red-haired woman sat behind the front counter, putting ball-gags and other assorted 'toys' on a shelf.

"Oh!" The woman exclaimed, her ponytail flapping the shelf as she turned around. "Welcome to Awakened Passions, how can I help you on this fine day?" She smiled, her hands leaning on the transparent counter.

"Wait, I've seen you before. Don't you work at the grocery store?" Cordelia asked as she walked towards the desk.

"You must be confusing me with someone else. Regardless, if you have any questions, you know where to find me." The woman turned around and began humming to herself as she continued to stack objects on a shelf. Cordelia walked past the various isles, deliberately avoiding eye contact with the other patrons of the store.

" _Would he like bondage? No, he would not._ " Cordelia thought as she continued to walk. " _Aphrodisiacs? No that won't work either._ " She stopped in front of an aisle labeled 'Costumes' and checked the contents. " _Let's see here, sexy dragon, sexy time traveler, sexy clown, sexy conqueror. These are oddly specific._ " Cordelia kept walking before something caught her attention.

" _Bunny costume? That could possibly work._ " She grabbed the costume off of the rack and studied the contents, the air-sealed package containing a red onesie, black bunny-ear hair clips, and lacy red thigh-highs. " _It's simple but effective._ " She thought as she felt the plastic sealing of the package.

Her eyes drifted to the upper right corner of the package and she felt her heart sink as she saw the white letter B. " _Dammit, there has to be a smaller size._ " Cordelia thought as she frantically searched the bunny costumes for a smaller size, but had no such luck. " _D, E, B, C, AA. Why isn't there an A? Just my luck._ " Cordelia sighed as she held the costume from before, her eyes focusing on the letter B. " _I'll just try it on, and see if it works._ " She thought as she strode towards the changing booth.

After closing the purple curtain behind her and slipping into the costume, she realized how hopelessly optimistic she was. " _This does not fit at all!_ " Cordelia screamed internally as she looked at the mirror. She had to physically hold the upper portion of it up thanks to her small endowment, but otherwise, the costume was fine. She slipped back into her normal attire and approached the cashier from before. "Do you have any…" Cordelia leaned in close to the woman and covered the side of her mouth with her hand as she glanced in every direction. "Smaller versions of this outfit? Like an A cup?" She held up the outfit and pointed to the B.

"Here, I'll check." The woman said as she rifled through a crate behind her. "As a matter of fact, you're in luck!" She held up the costume triumphantly, the letter A in the upper right corner.

"Thank you so much!" Cordelia smiled ecstatically as she pulled out her wallet. "How much does it cost?"

"Forty bucks." The woman said as she began to input the order on the cashier.

"Here you go." Cordelia placed two twenty-dollar bills on the counter and the woman stuffed them into the cashier, her eyes fixated on her profit.

"Pleasure doing business with you." The red-haired woman smiled as she handed Cordelia the costume.

"Thank you," Cordelia said happily as she scurried out of the store. She walked back to her parked car, throwing the costume into the back as she got in the driver's seat, a newfound confidence filling her spirit as she drove out of the parking lot.

When Cordelia returned to the house, she casually strode into the living room with the costume bundled in her arms.

"Is that a..." Gaius asked as he lied on the couch, his orange hair disheveled and his bandana absent. Cordelia jumped back in shock and almost dropped the costume. "Oh ho ho, I didn't know Ol' Red was into kinky stuff like that!" Gaius teased her with a mocking tone.

"Stay quiet, or so help me I will…" Cordelia gritted her teeth, scowling as she held a finger in front of Gaius' mouth.

"Normally I'd make you do my homework for my silence, but I don't want to look like a jackass to Sumia, so my lips are as sealed as that package." Gaius pointed to the costume as he lied on his back.

"I don't know whether to thank you or say nothing." Cordelia's face reverted to a neutral look as she clutched the costume in between her right arm.

"Well, if you wanted to be really helpful, you could grab some licorice from the kitch-" Gaius stopped himself when he realized Cordelia was already walking up the stairs, stone-faced and silent. "That was rude," Gaius folded his arms and grumbled to himself.

" _Good thing she didn't notice me._ " Kellam thought as he sat in the blue chair.

 

Later that evening, the Halloween party was in full swing as stereotypical eerie music played on the stereo system that Stahl bought, and Robin (who went as himself) sat next to Chrom (a mummy) on the couch. "Weird how Cordelia hasn't shown up yet." Chrom glanced towards the door of her room.

"Yeah, strange isn't it." Robin took a sip of his drink as he realized he hadn't seen her all day. Gaius, who was dressed as a 'spooky' skeleton sat on the couch next to Robin, a cup of strawberry punch in his hand.

"Hey, uh you might wanna get ready." Gaius tapped Robin on the shoulder.

"For what?" Robin asked as he arched his eyebrow. The door opened to Cordelia's room opened, and everyone watched as Cordelia strutted down the stairs in an incredibly revealing red bunny costume.

"That." Gaius pointed to Cordelia as he walked away from the couch. Robin's jaw dropped when he noticed what exactly she was wearing.

"Oh, sweet Jesus…" Chrom wiped his sweaty forehead with a nearby napkin as Olivia glared at him from across the room. Cordelia shook her hips as she walked to Robin, her index finger running along his chest as she forcefully placed herself on his lap.

"Is that a book in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?" Cordelia whispered seductively as she rested her hands on his shoulders.

"I-I-I uh…" Robin stuttered, his brain unable to focus on anything besides the bulge in his pants.

"That was a rhetorical question," Cordelia smiled as her hand slowly inched its way to the back of Robin's head, which forced Robin's brain to get it's priorities in order as he started to regain his thought process. He grabbed Cordelia's back as he ran kisses from her lips to her breast. Chrom scrambled off the couch as fast as physically possible, while Cordelia arched her back, feeling Robin's head going lower and lower.

"I don't mean to be rude, but could you two do this somewhere else?" Sumia tapped Robin lightly on the shoulder, her entire face beet-red as she forcefully stared at the ceiling.

"If you insist," Robin said as he picked Cordelia up by her rear, her lithe legs wrapped around his torso. He carried her up the staircase, but Gaius stopped them at the peak.

"Take this," Gaius said with a grin as he threw a condom at Robin; Cordelia caught it in midair and helped put it in Robin's pocket. "You still owe me licorice." He patted Cordelia on the shoulder as Robin opened the door to Cordelia's room, her tongue wrapping around his. Robin put her down gently on the bed and hurriedly unbuttoned his cloak. After said cloak and his trousers came off, Robin stood stark naked above her, facing the other direction to give her some privacy. He figured that, considering the average (to his knowledge) penis he was the proprietor of, that he must've been some sort of sex lord before he woke up and that this would go swimmingly. Cordelia would slowly lose that bunny costume, that was for sure, and then he would make her feel amazing even before sliding into her. And he would be damned if it wasn't perfect.

Unfortunately, as soon as he pulled the lovely condom Gaius had given him out of the pocket of his discarded pants, Robin drew a blank. He'd watched the porn. He'd talked to people. Now he was supposed to tear open that condom packet with his teeth and cover his lightning rod with it so that hopefully Cordelia didn't get pregnant, and that hopefully, nobody got STDs. That was how sex worked, and it was quite an easy task to do, considering that his little friend wasn't limp anymore. But alas, fate had other things planned for Robin today, first of which was the girlfriend that was no longer on her bed.

He expected her to be lying on her bed, cheeks flush and legs crisscrossed in the air. Instead, the opposite was true. He turned around and in his daze failed to stop himself from being pushed onto his back. The bed padded Robin's fall, but the condom did not survive the descent. It flew across the room and landed on the floor by the dresser. Cordelia walked over, swaying her hips in the sexiest way she knew how to try to get the excitement going. Upon reaching her destination, she bent over, making sure that the view of her butt, barely covered by the costume and the bunny tail on top of it was not obscured in any way. She returned with the packet, tearing it open with her teeth the way Robin was going to and sliding it over his dick, watching him shudder as it unrolled.

Sweat had begun to form on his brow, and she relished the sight, relished it so much that she climbed onto the bed and settled herself on his stomach, her clothed butt pressed right about against his cock. The shock on his face was soon replaced by moans of pleasure as Cordelia moved around ever so slightly.

"Stay quiet, you wouldn't want anyone to hear, would you?" she said while dragging a couple fingers lazily across his chest, stopping to tweak a nipple. The redhead wasn't entirely sure if he liked that, but now was a good time to find out. Robin's response was minimal compared to other actions, so she continued the slow movements of her butt.

"Ah!" A loud moan had been achieved, which was Cordelia's cue to promptly hop off of Robin and cross the room. "H-Hey, no, c-come back, I'm not-" he protested before realizing what was happening. She was taking off the onesie part of the bunny suit, leaving her thigh highs and ears on. A sultry walk back across the room followed, and he watched her breasts bounce slightly, despite their size. She hadn't been wearing any underwear beneath it.

"You know, I think I should just sit this one out. You're capable of finishing yourself." Her tone was one most lewd as she grinned, and Robin found himself moving to join her in standing room only next to the bed, only to be pushed back down with a firm hand. "You're staying right here." Cordelia climbed onto Robin the same way she had earlier, but this time gently grabbed his dick and positioned it at the entrance to her folds, and then sat down. It wasn't that hard of a fit; he wasn't anything huge, and she was wet enough, but Robin felt like he could cum right there.

She shifted a bit and began to move up and down on his shaft while holding his hips down. It wasn't hard to tell that he would spill soon, and she wanted to cum with him. It just wasn't enough for Cordelia to have him in her, and her g-spot was not being hit, so she removed a hand from Robin's hip and used it to rub her clit. It had the desired effect, the pressure building in the pit of her stomach. She came with a sharp intake of breath, closing her eyes and arching her back.

Robin was close, so close, and the quick arching of her back pushed him over the edge. He came into the condom, watching as Cordelia popped off of him and laid down on the bed. He took care of his own mess, removing, tying, and throwing the condom away before lying down next to her and tangling a hand in her hair, careful not to disturb the headband. It had been a quick first time and he had failed in all aspects. Robin closed his eyes briefly from exhaustion, opening them to see Cordelia sitting upright.

"You look really good in bunny ears and thigh highs, you know that?" Robin said as Cordelia covered her front with the sheet.

"Would you go ask Gaius for more condoms?" Cordelia looked at him, her eyes wide.

"If I did that, would you feel better about what just happened?" Robin trudged over to his pants and pulled them up his legs.

"Absolutely," Cordelia said as she handed Robin his cloak. Robin exited the room, shut the door, and saw everyone downstairs looking at him with questionable looks.

"Did you guys…" Robin leaned over the balcony.

"Hear everything? Yes." Stahl finished Robin's sentence. "Honestly, I thought you would last more than a minute, but whatever."

"Stahl!" Gaius planted his fist directly in Stahl's cheek with lightning speed. "Ignore him, he's just mad that you got laid before he did."

"Ow! Also, how did you know that!?" Stahl fell backward while Chrom laughed uncontrollably.

"Unlike Robin, you've never had a girlfriend," Gaius grinned while he high-fived Sumia.

"S-Shut up!" Stahl tended to his bruised and blushing cheek. "So why did you come down here?"

"Truth be told, I only had one condom." Robin chuckled.

"Don't worry, The Sweets Master is on the case!" Gaius yelled as he scrambled up the stairs and threw handfuls of condoms at Robin.

"Why do you have so many of these things?!" Robin questioned as he was showered in plastic squares.

"I saw this coming-" Gaius stopped and chuckled at his pun. "I knew this was going to happen, so I stocked up on these so you guys wouldn't be stuck. No need to thank me." Gaius handed Robin a toy bucket. "Just keep them in this," Chrom smiled at Robin from down the stairs.

"Thanks for all of this guys," Robin said as he almost entered Cordelia's room.

"Wait wait wait!" Gaius handed Robin his phone. "Just spend a couple minutes of your time to read this site." Robin looked at the title of the website, which was 'How to please your partner in bed. 3 easy steps'. Robin glanced at all the steps, somewhat understanding the basic gist of them. "Now I know this may sound weird, but I have an idea," Gaius whispered in Robin's ear as he smirked. "Go get ready in that bathroom, and enter the room with only your pants on." Robin started to plan his actions as he walked towards the bathroom, but not before waving at Gaius.

After entering the bathroom, Robin removed his clothing and applied the condom to his cock. He pulled his pants back up and tip-toed into Cordelia's room quietly. He expected Cordelia to be sitting in bed, reading, but instead she was standing and admiring the painting in her room, stark naked. Robin's thoughts devolved into a roar of voices screaming the word 'anal' as he shut the door gently before removing his pants, while a quieter voice in Robin's head was asking where the painting came from. Robin continued his approach, sliding his hands around her chest and cupping her breasts.

"Am I late?" Robin asked as he pushed his throbbing cock into her tight asshole.

"Oh, dear God." Cordelia's lip quivered as Robin groped her breasts. He could feel the tightness of her asshole push up against his shaft as he slid his hands down to her thighs. He lifted her off the ground by the legs, his dick continuing to thrust as her black bunny ears fell to the ground. Robin carried her to the bed, putting her down chest first and placing his hands next to her sides as he pushed his cock into her ass. Cordelia gripped the bedspread tightly as she moaned, her expression one of extreme pleasure, or pain. Robin couldn't tell.

"Time for step three," Robin said as he pulled out of her tight asshole, rolling Cordelia on her back gently.

"Wait, what are you do- ah!" Cordelia asked as Robin slid his cock in between the soggy folds of her pussy. White fluid flew out of Cordelia's vagina, and most of it landed on Robin's dick.

"My my, cumming after a minute? For shame." Robin teased her as he smiled.

"Safeword! Safeword! Safeword!" Cordelia screamed as Robin pulled out. He disposed of the used condom before flopping onto the bed next to Cordelia as she panted. "How… did you?" Cordelia asked, beads of sweat rolling down her brow.

"Practice makes perfect," Robin said as he slid his hand slowly across her breast.

"Ugh…" Cordelia moaned as Robin stood up and quickly jerked his hand back, a look of shock on his face. "No no, keep it there." Cordelia gripped his arm and brought it back to her chest.

"Are you ready to give it another shot?" Robin said as he grabbed another condom.

"Please." Cordelia yanked the condom out his hand and opened it. Robin lied on his back, watching intently as she rolled the elastic circle out and grabbed his hardened shaft. He steeled his nerves in anticipation for the condom to be applied, watching as Cordelia rolled it onto his dick slowly, her enjoyment of Robin's reaction extremely obvious. She grabbed his shaft, sliding it between her folds as she sat on top of him. He placed both of his hands on her waist, pushing his cock further inside her with every movement. Cordelia arched her back, repeating what had happened earlier, but with one key difference: Robin didn't finish (yet). He grabbed Cordelia by the back and pressed her chest tightly to his. "Oh God, I'm cumming!" Cordelia yelled as Robin felt his load filling.

"Here I come!" Robin yelled as he gave one final push as fatigue settled in, which prompted Cordelia to let out a resounding moan as cum figuratively exploded out of her folds. Cordelia tumbled off of his chest; Robin got up to throw the used condom away. Cordelia noticed the semen dripping from his cock and moved to intercept him.

"Let me clean that up for you." She lewdly smiled as she sat Robin down on the edge of her bed, her soft hands wrapping around his upright shaft as she stuck his cock inside her mouth. Robin craned his head back as he felt Cordelia's lips go around the entirety of his dick, her tongue playing around with the tip. His hands trembled as they gripped the bedspread, half of his entire cock inside her mouth now. She felt drops of cum drain their way into her throat as Robin felt her tongue licking the tip of his dick, his forehead coated with sweat. "I'm gonna…" Robin looked down at her, his eyes full of intent. The intent of filling her throat with his thick cum.

"Do it! Shower me with your semen!" Cordelia yelled, her voice muffled through his cock.

"Cum!" Robin watched as semen poured into Cordelia's mouth, a quiet voice inside his head wondering if this still counted as safe sex. Cordelia quickly pulled her head back as cum dribbled off her chin, smirking as she licked the thin sticky fluid off with her tongue. Robin's dick went skyward just from the mere sight, and tiny strands of semen dripped out from his glans slowly.

"My my, how easily excitable we are," Cordelia said as she ran a finger slowly along his shaft as Robin shuddered.

"I like where this is going," Robin attempted to maintain his calm as he ran his fingers through her red hair. The quiet voice inside his head asked why he didn't feel exhausted by now.

"I wonder what would happen if…" Cordelia mischievously smiled as she lifted semen off his tip with her finger, placing it inside her mouth as she looked at him. Robin bent over as he felt another load building up, his face grimacing as he clutched his dick. "Mm. Absolutely delicious." She said lustfully as strands of the white fluid dripped over her bottom lip, pausing before she licked them.

"Ah!" Robin moaned a moan of pleasure as he ejaculated all over Cordelia's face. Cordelia opened her mouth and was rewarded with a faceful of semen. She wiped her face with a conveniently placed napkin as Robin fell sideways onto the bed. Cordelia donned a white t-shirt and walked outside the room. In her absence, Robin pulled his pants over his legs as he sat on the edge of her mattress. Cordelia returned, water droplets falling from her face as she casually strode towards him, swaying her hips as she removed her t-shirt.

"Oh my," Robin's cheeks began to heat up as Cordelia sat on his lap, wearing nothing.

"Before we start, I need to ask a favor of you," Cordelia said dryly as she placed her lips on his neck.

"And that is?" Robin asked nervously.

"Wake up," Cordelia stated expressionlessly as she nipped Robin's neck with her mouth, the shock sending jolts through his nerves.

"Gah!" Robin bolted upright and checked his surroundings, realizing he was still in Cordelia's bed. He glanced nervously at Cordelia, who was lying underneath the covers next to him, the moonlight from the nearby window illuminating the bunny ears attached to her hair. " _So that was just…"_ Robin thought as he rubbed his neck.

"Oh, you're finally awake." Cordelia yawned as she rolled on her side.

"But I thought we just… What happened?" Robin asked, his forehead throbbing in pain as a sour taste filled his throat.

"Well, you passed out from exhaustion after you finished, which was almost an hour ago." Cordelia adjusted her bunny ears as she held Robin in her embrace until she remembered he wasn't wearing pants. "Wait a minute," Cordelia said as she pushed Robin away slightly, reaching to grab his shaft. "You're awfully erect for someone who just woke up. Don't tell me you were having wet dreams about me." Cordelia pronounced wet in the lewdest way possible as her finger dragged along his bare chest.

"Um, well, the interesting thing about that is…" Robin stuttered as sweat trickled down his brow, nervously staring at Cordelia.

"Save your energy for the real me," Cordelia smiled, an insatiable lust for more building inside her. She moved her hand vertically on Robin's shaft, his quiet moans fueling her desire. "The best part is that I got more protection while you were asleep." Cordelia reached for her nightstand and held a condom packet in her hand. She ripped it open with her teeth, but Robin hurriedly grabbed her wrist before she could unroll it.

"Let me try this," Robin stopped her as he held Cordelia's mouth open with his index finger and rolled the condom out with his other hand. He delicately slid the elastic into her mouth and made sure the outer ring fit around her lips. "Now comes the fun part," Robin said as he gently grabbed the back of Cordelia's head, sliding her mouth over his upright cock, the intensely familiar texture of her lips dragging along his shaft. Once Cordelia was sure the condom would stay, she removed her head and pulled herself towards Robin. She laid on her side as he slid his cock in between her wet folds, the desire to pleasure her controlling his thoughts. Cordelia felt sensations shoot through her spine as she threw her head back, her tongue dangling outside her mouth as saliva rolled off it.

"Oh God," Cordelia said as she felt herself reaching a climax, her stamina not fully recovered from before.

"Do it," Robin said as he continued thrusting, fully knowing what was about to ensue.

"I'm going to… I'm going to!" Cordelia could feel the muscles in her lower body tensing up, waiting for one final movement. Robin gave one desperate last push, and slowed his movements, as he felt physically drained.

"Ah!" A loud moan reverberated through Cordelia's mouth, which was Robin's cue to pull out as she experienced an orgasm. Robin came into the condom as Cordelia lied on her back, grimacing as her legs clenched upright, cum spilling out of her folds. Robin disposed of the used condom and found his clothing lying exactly where he put them an hour ago. He put his appeal back on and found Cordelia trudging her way to the drawer that held her pants. She bent over to pull the bottom drawer out, wincing as she felt her waist stiffen. She grabbed a pair of black yoga pants and fitted her legs in them before collapsing on the floor. "Tonight was… absolutely wonderful…" Cordelia panted. Robin lied down next to her.

"I agree… but your bed is now covered… in fluids." Robin panted in exhaustion.

"We should sleep in your bed." Cordelia rested her head on Robin's shoulder. "Would you please carry me to your room?" Cordelia's legs refused to stand up.

"Anything for you," Robin gave her a loving smile as he stood up slowly, and slid one hand around her sore legs and another around her back as he picked Cordelia up. Robin exited her room as her head nuzzled against his shoulder, her hair spilling over his shoulder. He realized she was bare-chested and enveloped her with his cloak as he carefully walked down the stairs, his legs aching with every step he took. He quietly opened the door to his room and delicately put Cordelia on her feet as she removed her pants. She slowly stumbled her way to the bed and crawled underneath the covers as Robin threw his cloak into a corner. He climbed into his bed and wrapped his arms around Cordelia's smooth stomach as they both lied on their side. Cordelia turned her head around and whispered in his ear.

"I love you."

* * *

You're probably wondering why the first sex scene had a very noticeable shift in the way it was written. Well, a friend of mine offered to write it, and I think they did a very damn good job in writing it. If you're wondering why there had to be a sex chapter in the first place, I just wanted to "experiment" with different situations (i.e. write word porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ).

Also, it's scary how well the Slide Theme from Mario 64 fits with this entire chapter (I think I just ruined an entire generation's childhood by saying that).


	7. Morning Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally Deviantart.

* * *

Cordelia lied on her back on the comfy bed, Robin's head rested on her shoulder as his disheveled white hair splayed over the brown pillows. She considered getting up but didn't want to wake him. " _I don't think I ever repaid him for that breakfast he made._ " Cordelia pondered to herself until she was rudely interrupted by the movement of Robin's hand. She worried he would try something stupid, but he was simply just combing his fingers through her unkempt hair. Cordelia glanced at Robin's face and sure enough, he was still asleep.

She continued to formulate a way to repay him for that breakfast while Robin's relatively soft hand ran through her hair until she was, again, rudely interrupted by his hand, slowly moving down her back. " _Is he going where I think he's going?_ " Cordelia was correct, as his hand stopped its downward movement once it wedged itself between her butt and the mattress. "Are you kidding me?" Cordelia mumbled to herself as Robin's hand groped her apparently voluptuous rear, a boyish smile creeping on his face as he continued unconsciously.

Cordelia folded her arms as she frowned, the grabbing of her butt continuing to irk her. " _Well, he seems infatuated with my posterior, so that's something._ " She internally debated whether to wake him or not, as she was almost at her wit's end. " _Wait, this gives me an idea._ " Cordelia stood up and exited the bed, a look of discomfort on Robin's face as he groaned. "Oh grow up already," Cordelia said aloud as she walked over to her black yoga pants that she brought with her, her legs feeling less sore than before.

She pulled the pants up her legs, the waistline making a 'thwacking' sound as it clamped around her waist. Robin stirred just from that sound alone, opening his eyes slightly as Cordelia crawled onto his chest. She lewdly smiled at him, wearing nothing but pants as she pulled her head next to his. "If you don't like this, I don't know what else will," Cordelia whispered in his ear as she pulled her head back.

"What exactly are you doin- Mmh!" Robin was cut off by Cordelia planting her plump butt directly on his face, not a single moment was given for him to protest, as his mouth and nostrils were both squashed against her posterior. " _What the hell?!_ " Robin thought as he struggled for air, his chest getting hotter with every second as a static-like noise filled his eardrums. " _Why is she doing this?!_ " Robin waved his arms frantically, desperate for Cordelia's attention. After realizing she wasn't looking at him, he hurriedly clamped her shoulders with his hands.

"Oh, dear me, trying to reenact last night? Well then, by all means, carry on." Cordelia smiled, unable to realize she was suffocating Robin. He flailed his arms desperately, blood rushing to his forehead as his vision blurred.

" _How can I get her to stop?_ " Robin pondered to himself as he his heartbeat reverberated through his eardrums. After what felt like an eternity, he finally realized a way to get her attention. " _She's going to hate this…_ " Cordelia rested her hands on Robin's thighs, thoroughly enjoying herself.

" _Surely he loves this._ " She thought right before she felt something slimy protrude into her lower areas. Cordelia screamed in shock, chills coursing through her nerves as she tumbled off of Robin. He bolted upright, filling his lungs with air as his vision cleared. Cordelia lied on her back, a look of disgust on her face. "What the hell!? Was that your tongue?!"

"Yes, because you were suffocating me, so I needed to get you off." Robin panted for breath as he fell on his back.

"Wait, suffocating!?" Cordelia was shocked that she had almost killed Robin, her expression confused. "You mean I was choking you with-"

"Correct, your posterior," Robin interjected as Cordelia started laughing uncontrollably. "What's so funny?"

"The thing you love so dearly almost killed you!" Cordelia couldn't stop giggling to herself. "About five minutes ago, you grasped my rear while you slumbered."

"So that's why you sat on my face? Because of what I did unconsciously?" Robin asked as he rolled on his side, staring into Cordelia's eyes.

"Well, it was a combination of that, and wanting to repay you for that breakfast in bed you made." Cordelia glanced nervously to her side, avoiding eye contact with Robin.

"Regardless, do you have any other ideas?" Robin smiled as Cordelia rolled next to him.

"How about we continue where we abruptly left off?" Cordelia asked as she rolled atop Robin, her finger drifting along his toned chest slowly.

"Be my guest," Robin said with a smile as Cordelia sat on his midriff, leaning forward onto his shoulders as Robin kissed her on the lips. A taste of something vile coursed through both of their mouths; they pulled their heads backward simultaneously.

"Gah!" Cordelia spat out her tongue as she fell off of Robin, next to his side. Robin coughed into his shoulder as the sour taste tainted his mouth. "Was that…"

"Morning breath." Robin continued to cough as he realized neither of them had brushed their teeth.

"If we're to continue, we should get a mint or something along those lines." Cordelia ran her fingers through Robin's white hair.

"Our toothbrushes are upstairs in the bathroom, so we could try that," Robin suggested.

"I would need something to wear, though." Cordelia pointed to her bare chest with her thumbs.

"You could wear my cloak." Robin offered.

"Alright." Cordelia stood up, grabbing the cloak off the floor where it laid. She fit her arms into the large sleeves, realizing that they were longer than her arms. "I might require some assistance here." Cordelia waved her sleeves around, unable to button up the rather large cloak.

"I got you covered," Robin said as he buttoned up the cloak, smiling at Cordelia the whole time. He fit the last button into the hole, watching Cordelia as she began to walk around the room.

"This thing is incredibly large," She said, noticing how the bottom of the cloak went below her waist. "It's almost like I'm wearing a gigantic blanket." Her red hair spilled out of the hood, so she crammed it inside the cloak before pulling the hood up. It covered her eyes completely and she blindly stumbled around the room before tripping and falling onto the bed. She pulled the hood back down, glancing at the collection of books on Robin's shelf.

"And that's a bad thing?" Robin asked as he searched his closet for a backup hoodie.

"No, it's actually quite comfortable," Cordelia said as she continued to trot around the room. Robin finally found the black and purple hoodie he saved for occasions like this, hurriedly putting it on.

"Ready?" Cordelia asked as she fumbled with the doorknob of his room, her hands unable to grasp it through the thick fabric of Robin's cloak.

"Ready," Robin said as he opened the door for her, and walked out after she left.

"The hell are you two doing?" Stahl arched his eyebrow as he watched them walk by.

"Shut up, Stahl." Robin's voice seethed content; Cordelia wasn't sure why. She trotted up the stairs, the sleeves of the cloak swaying in an adorable manner as Robin walked behind her.

"Do you know where this came from? Because I could get used to falling asleep in this." Cordelia stopped in front of the bathroom and knocked on the door to make she was sure nobody was inside the room. She grasped the doorknob, her hands slipping around the metallic knob, again.

"No idea. It was just on me when I woke up." Robin said as opened the door to the bathroom, following Cordelia inside as he shut the door. Cordelia glanced at the rack Vaike had built, which contained everyone's toothbrushes. Miriel had gone through the trouble of meticulously sorting them alphabetically. Cordelia grabbed her pale-blue brush off of the shelf, squeezing the tube of toothpaste above it as the contents unfurled onto her brush. After about three minutes of teeth-brushing, the both of them exited the bathroom as Chrom stuck his head out of his room.

"Oh, thank God it's you two. I really need your help." A look of urgency was plastered on Chrom's face, his blue hair frazzled and unkempt.

"Oh no no, it's nothing serious. Just ignore us, please." Olivia pleaded from inside the room. Cordelia couldn't tell whether she was sarcastic or not.

"Help me, I'm begging you guys." Chrom murmured as he pulled his head back into his room. Cordelia stormed in without hesitation; Robin followed her closely as he worried about what he would find.

"Alright, what's the issue?" Robin said as he shut the door, looking around Chrom's room for a place to sit. He found a recliner and sat down in it. Cordelia squeezed in next to him, her head resting on the warmth of his neck.

"I don't mean to sound rude," Olivia said as she sat on the opposite side of the bed, away from Chrom. "But it's you two that caused this."

"Us?! What did we do?" Cordelia asked, her tone rather drowsy from the insulation of Robin's cloak.

"Well… It's rather an issue of what we haven't done." Chrom said, his cheeks matching Olivia's hair in coloration.

"Oh." Robin began to curse the thin walls of the house underneath his breath.

"Were we really that loud?" Cordelia asked as she raised her eyebrow.

"Yes." Chrom and Olivia stated in unison, their expressions completely stoic.

"Okay, I understand what's going on here." Cordelia started giggling. "Chrom's too afraid to have intercourse, right?" She walked over and punched Chrom on the shoulder.

"N-No…" Chrom turned his head in the other direction, but Cordelia turned it back forcefully.

"Oh, yes you are, you adorable widdle baby." Cordelia's hands slid out from the sleeves and pinched Chrom's cheeks.

"Can you please stop?" Chrom asked politely.

"Cordelia, you're being rather harsh." Robin stood up, desperately hoping this situation wouldn't explode.

"Just let me have my revenge," Cordelia's tone was bereft of teasing, now a cold husk of malice.

"What revenge? Chrom didn't do anything to you." Olivia asked, utterly confused.

"You weren't there. You didn't see the long, agonizing, ten years that Chrom never acknowledged me. I wasn't sure if he was doing it just out of obliviousness, but I found out the day I met you." Cordelia pointed to Robin. "He was toying with me maliciously, waiting to see how long until I snapped." Cordelia vehemently snorted from her nostrils, her mouth curving into the angriest look Chrom had ever seen.

"That's not true." Chrom squeaked meekly, his eyes shifting back and forth from Olivia and Robin. " _Shit._ "

"What? Speak up. I simply cannot hear you." Cordelia said in an utterly disgusted tone.

"I said that's not true!" Chrom yelled as he stood up, backing Cordelia against the wall. "You act like I'm some sort of villain when really I just didn't pay attention to you!" Chrom watched as Cordelia's expression shifted from anger to fear as her back bumped into the wall, Chrom continuing his advance.

"Chrom." Robin's tone was serious, knowing exactly where this train-wreck of a situation was heading.

"If by malicious, you mean that I wanted to break it to you that I simply liked you as a friend!" Chrom backed her up against the wall, his chest puffed out.

"Then why didn't you tell me gently?" Cordelia stuck her finger directly in his face, her expression shifting back to anger. "Answer me that."

"Don't. Stick. Your. Finger. In. My. Face." Chrom enunciated every word as he gritted his teeth, his forehead furrowed from frustration.

"Or what? We both know you're not enough of a man to strike me." Cordelia dragged her finger along his forehead. Chrom's eyes flickered with rage, raising his clenched fist. Robin's eyes widened as he scrambled to Chrom's side, grabbing his arm in an attempt to stop the encroaching violence.

"Chrom, No! She isn't worth it!" Robin tried to pull his arm down, but Chrom swung his elbow back into Robin's face. He was propelled into the floor, lying in a heap. Olivia started sobbing.

"Do it. Be a man, and strike me." Cordelia looked to her side, awaiting the searing pain that would come. Chrom pulled his arm back and exhaled, his eyes full of frustration, but turned his head to see Olivia crying on the pillow.

"I just wanted us to be happy. Is that too much to ask?" Olivia spoke between sobs, the bedspread soaked with tears.

Cordelia looked at Olivia and realized what she caused. "Oh, my…" She said as she collapsed and fell on her knees while Chrom tended to Olivia.

"I am so sorry you had to see me like that," Chrom said as he hugged Olivia. "I promise you that I will never, ever, do that again."

"But what if you do? What if we fight, and you get like that? What if you hurt me?" Olivia continued sobbing as she pushed her head to Chrom's shoulder.

"I promise you that will never happen. And I never break promises." Chrom said comforting her as she stopped sobbing. Chrom predicted that Olivia would calm down, and they could discuss their relationship problems with Robin and Cordelia in an orderly manner. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Olivia opened her eyes as she realized something and shoved Chrom onto the bed, glaring at him.

"Why exactly should I trust that you?" Olivia gritted her teeth.

"Because I would never, ever lie to you," Chrom replied calmly, not wanting to get in another fight.

"How stupid do you think I am? I just watched you go full machismo on your friends just because Cordelia insulted you!" Olivia stood up, her tone rising more and more into pure anger.

"Let's get out of here," Robin whispered in Cordelia's ear. she sat on her knees, still dazed that she had just snapped at Chrom like that. "Cordy, c'mon." Robin placed both of his hands on Cordelia's shoulders and shook her gently; still no response. Robin reached into her sleeves and grabbed her by the arms, dragging her out of Chrom's room hurriedly. Her back skimmed on the carpet as she made no effort to move.

Robin continued to drag her towards her room but made minuscule progress before he lifted her off the ground, her head resting on his left shoulder. He stumbled through the hallway, opening the door to her room with his foot as he set Cordelia down next to her bed gently; she sprang into his arms.

"I can't believe I did that…" She sighed, muffled through Robin's shoulder.

"I can't believe it either," Robin replied as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Frankly, I think that you were being exceptionally harsh on him."

"I presumed." Cordelia draped her sleeves around Robin's shoulders. "I really should apologize to him, though."

"U-Uh," Robin stuttered as he heard Olivia screaming through the walls. "You should hold off on that."

* * *

We're reaching fetish territory now. Good thing there's no helium or maid costumes.


	8. Anchor Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local man buys inflatable arms.

* * *

Sunlight poured into Robin's eyes as he awoke to see Cordelia lying in bed, her expression fairly lewd attitude while her legs crisscrossed against the sunlight from the window. "Good morning, Stahl." She whispered seductively.

"Wait, Stahl!? What the hell?!" Robin yelled as he looked behind him to see an incredibly muscular Stahl standing on the magenta colored bed sheets three feet from him, flexing his absurdly veiny arms.

"Let's get this show on the road," Stahl spoke with an uncharacteristically deep voice, flicking Robin on the forehead with his finger while he strode towards Cordelia. Robin went flying across the room as he slammed into the pink wall, his ears ringing and his vision blurred. However, he did notice that Stahl was wearing nothing but a green jockstrap, and his biceps were the size of Robin's head.

"Oh, dear me." Cordelia swooned as she blushed and ran her finger slowly along his jockstrap. Robin didn't even want to know how big Stahl's 'asset' was, the feeling of his sinking gut further added to his fear as he realized what was happening.

"Why are you dating that pansy, Robin, anyway? I bet he has the endurance of a wet blanket." Stahl said as he flexed, the words 'Get Ready' tattooed in black across his massive chest. "Why don't you date a real man instead, like me?" Cordelia got on her hands and knees, her slim frame lusting for attention. Robin felt his gut sink lower than what should be humanly possible as he realized Stahl wasn't holding a condom.

"Fill me, you hunk!" She yelled as Stahl slid her panties slowly down her supple thighs.

"As you wish." Stahl laughed to himself as he moved his thick hands to his jockstrap, calmly lowering the thin strap of cloth that held the entire thing up.

"Gah!" Robin screamed as he woke up, his face coated with cold sweat as the wind outside the house howled. He found himself lying in Cordelia's bed, the mirror on the bedstand being a dead giveaway. Cordelia lied on her back next to him, snoring quietly, as her long red hair splayed across the colorful pillows. " _That must've been a dream…_ " Robin thought as he gripped the edges of the blanket tightly, sweat continuing to trickle down his worried face. He rolled himself next to Cordelia and rested his head on her stomach, the comforting warmth of her body helping to steel himself. Cordelia opened her eyes slightly, combing her slender fingers through Robin's hair.

"What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" She inquired, her tone rather drowsy. Robin shook his head in denial.

"It's nothing." He responded, his brain sorting through reasons as to why that dream occurred. Cordelia frowned slightly.

"It obviously isn't nothing. Come on, you can tell me." Cordelia pressed, her fingers massaging his tense shoulders.

"Well, you and Stahl were in bed..." Robin said nervously.

"You had a nightmare about myself and Stahl sleeping together?" Cordelia's eyes were fully opened.

"Technically, I was there too, but…" Robin stuttered as thunder boomed in the distance.

"So you're worried that I'm not faithful, is that it?" Cordelia asked, her right eyebrow raised in a quizzical manner.

"No, that's preposterous. It's just Stahl was really muscular and he had a jockstrap." Robin's brown eyes darted around the room, only now realizing he had dug his own grave.

"I don't know whether to be happy that you care so deeply about me, or offended that you'd think I'd cheat on you," Cordelia questioned dryly as she stopped massaging Robin's shoulders.

"Preferably you should be happy." He attempted to clamber out of his predicament, but unfortunately, Cordelia was not sharing his optimistic mindset.

"I'm going to go with offended. But, you could buy my happiness with some food." Cordelia rolled out of Robin's grip as she turned her back to face him.

"You're extorting me into getting food for you?" Robin couldn't believe his luck.

"I'm hungry, dammit," Cordelia responded as Robin got out of her bed, wiping the rheum out of his eyes. "Whipped cream would do nicely," Cordelia asked as she covered her shoulders with the thick brown comforter.

"Alright, alright," Robin reassured her as he nodded and exited the room. He quietly shut the door behind him, carefully tiptoeing down the hardwood stairs as he sneaked towards the kitchen. He opened the white fridge, the fluorescent light straining his eyes, and quietly rummaged until he found a can of whipped cream. He shook it slowly, as he preferred to not wake anyone up, and walked back towards the stairs until he heard a snoring noise. After a brief moment of searching, the distinctive voice of Stahl murmured.

"Chrom, don't you dare steal my cake," Stahl whined in his sleep, which was enough for Robin to pinpoint that Stahl was sleeping on the couch. A look of mischief dawned on Robin's face as he approached the sleeping man, the nozzle of the whipped cream can pointed downward.

" _This will teach him._ " Robin thought as he continued his approach. But suddenly, he noticed someone resting on Stahl; it was Maribelle. " _Wait, isn't he single?_ " It dawned on Robin that the only reason that dream existed was because he presumed Stahl was single. " _They've never been together in public, so this must've started today._ " Robin thought as Maribelle snorted, which caused Stahl to wrap his arms around her. Robin decided he didn't need revenge on a figment of his imagination and made his way back to Cordelia's room, where she laid underneath the comforter, eagerly awaiting the promised snack.

"What took you so long?" Cordelia asked as she opened her mouth.

"I just saw Stahl sleeping on the couch downstairs," Robin said as he filled Cordelia's mouth with whipped cream. She closed her lips and gulped before continuing the conversation.

"Did you cover his face with whipped cream?" Cordelia asked.

"No," Robin replied as he put the can on her nightstand and crawled into bed next to her, his arms around her waist.

"Good. Thank God you aren't immature like Gaius." Cordelia turned her head around to kiss Robin on the check, noticeably happier now that she had food. "Thank you for that whipped cream, by the way."

 

However, in Gaius' room, Gaius had just been abruptly woken by a nightmare.

"What the hell was that?" He held his left hand to his forehead as he sat upright. Sumia lied on her chest, smiling as she murmured in her sleep.

"Why yes, Mister Pony, I will ride you into the sunset." She rambled peacefully until Gaius nudged her shoulder.

"Sumi, wake up." He shook her gently. She drew a sharp intake of breath as she stirred.

"Gah! What is it, is the house on fire?" Sumia asked, her brown hair covering her eyes until she threw her head back.

"No, but I did have the weirdest dream about you."

"What was it?" Sumia inquired as she rolled onto her back.

"Well, we were both at the gym, which is weird, because we never go there."

"I would like it if we went there," Sumia grumbled as she folded her arms.

"Whatever. Anyway, there was this bodybuilder with dark brown hair. I think his name was Long Q-Tip or something." Gaius struggled to recall the name of the mystery man.

"You mean those sticks you clean your ears with?"

"Yeah, those things. So we were both at the gym when suddenly this guy just started flirting with you."

"Go on," Sumia interjected, her curiosity growing.

"So for some reason, my mouth was filled with peanut butter, so I couldn't speak. You looked like you were having a good time, and then all of a sudden he started to strip down." Gaius continued to ramble on with his nonsensical story.

"I don't like where this is going." A sigh escaped out of Sumia's lips as her curiosity began to dwindle.

"I didn't either. So anyway, this dude's johnson is massive; I'm talking at least a foot long. So then he starts ripping off your tank top and-" Gaius was just about to describe the pounding of a lifetime before Sumia cut him off.

"What the heck goes on in your head?" Sumia asked as she cradled her head.

"You think I know? Regardless, what do you think it means?" Gaius inquired as he lied on his side, curiosity beaming in his eyes.

"Maybe you don't think you're an adequate boyfriend or something?" Sumia suggested as thunder continued to boom in the distance.

"That's ridiculous. I'm the best boyfriend there is, and you know it."

"Yeah, sure you are." Sumia's tone was rather sarcastic, which Gaius considered a serious insult.

"Oh come on. You know what? Just for that, you're getting punished." Gaius said as he rolled next to her.

"What are you doing?" Sumia asked right before Gaius stuck his hands at her armpits.

"You're getting tickled, whether you like it or not!" Gaius yelled playfully as he tickled Sumia. She started laughing uncontrollably as she clenched her arm to her waist, trying to get Gaius' hands off of her.

"S-Stop it!" Sumia snorted as she laughed. "I'm serious! I can't breathe, please stop!" Her tone became rather serious, which was a sign for Gaius to actually stop before things got heated.

"Alright alright," Gaius reassured her as he wrapped his arms around Sumia's midriff, hugging her tightly as she panted for breath.

"You're like a lovable five-year-old, you know that?" Sumia turned around to face Gaius as she planted her soft lips to his.

"Damn right," Gaius said, a tinge of overconfidence in his tone. After the two cuddled for what felt like an age and a half, Gaius remembered something important. "We should go to sleep soon. That Christmas party tomorrow is going to be exhausting."

"Why do we even call them parties? Nobody invites anyone outside of our group, and nothing eventful happens." Sumia grumbled as she combed her fingers through Gaius' unkempt orange hair.

"That's an issue you can bring up with Chrom, not me." Gaius closed his eyes as he rested his head on Sumia's warm neck.

* * *

"I WAS A WIMP BEFORE ANCHOR ARMS! NOW I'M A GREAT KNIGHT, AND EVERYBODY LOVES ME!"


	9. A Bodacious Bee Costume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local man discovers the horrifying world of sexual kinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: About one third of this chapter is more smut. If you're uncomfortable with that kind of thing, it's heavily telegraphed (I.E. blatantly obvious) when the smut is beginning, so that's when you can stop reading if you want.

* * *

"So uh…" Stahl paused as he put Chrom's coffee and a brown paper bag on the most-likely hardwood table. Chrom had woken up early alongside Stahl and dragged him along to the nearby coffee brewery as he currently had a hankering for caffeine. "I have a question about our party tonight." Stahl grabbed his frosted donut out of the bag

"And that is?" Chrom asked as he leaned against the leather booth, snatching the caffeinated beverage off the table as his dry throat ached.

"So there's this guy Virion-" Stahl sat down on the leather booth before Chrom interrupted him.

"Oh, you mean that blue-haired idiot who can't get laid?" Chrom leaned forward as he sipped his vanilla bean espresso.

"Correct-a-mundo. Anyway, long story short, I owe him a favor and somehow he found out about the Christmas party." Stahl took a bite out of the donut he had purchased.

"Ugh." Chrom groaned, leaning back in his chair.

"I tried to stop him, but he was dead-set on coming. I think he's just using it as an excuse to pick up chicks." Stahl reassured him, hurriedly taking another massive bite out of his pastry.

"But there are no single ladies in the Shepherds except Miriel, and God knows she can't get a date." Chrom laughed mildly as Stahl wiped his face with a nearby napkin.

"Isn't she with Kellam?" Stahl asked as he pulled a cinnamon roll out of the bag. The cogs in Chrom's head started turning as he struggled to remember Kellam.

"Oh! Yeah, she is dating Kellam! They've been together since... August, right?"

"Yes, it's just that Kellam is barely noticeable, and Robin and Cordelia have been stealing the spotlight in terms of blatant acts of passion for three whole months." Stahl finished his third pastry and set the crumpled bag on the table.

"I know, right?" Chrom groaned. "They've had more canoodling sessions in the living room than I can count."

"You would think we're in some corny romance novel, due to how frequent they do stuff like…" Stahl shuddered as he remembered when Robin vividly described the time Cordelia sat on his face. "That."

"What do you mean by 'That'?" Chrom leaned on his shoulder.

"Oh nothing, just ass-to-mouth. You know, 'normal' things that couples do." Stahl's sarcasm was as apparent as the sky while Chrom grimaced.

"Oh God, I forgot about that!" Chrom cradled his head in his arms as he felt the urge to gag.

 

Later that evening, Stahl sat on the couch next to Maribelle, who rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm having a good time. How about you?" She asked.

"Huh?" Stahl exclaimed, too focused on Robin and Cordelia, who were the only ones on the dance floor and were having some sort of 'dance off' which consisted of Robin realizing his feet were not good for dancing. "Oh yeah, this is great," Stahl answered as he rested his head next to Maribelle's. The familiar figure of Virion sat down next to Stahl, and Maribelle immediately stood up, not wanting to deal with that asinine fool.

"I'll be back soon, I just need to grab some snacks." Maribelle trotted off towards the kitchen as Virion laid back on the couch.

"I must say, this party is exceptionally sublime." Virion chuckled as his gaze drifted to Cordelia's slim figure. "Now I must ask, who is that fetching young lady?" Stahl looked where Virion was looking and felt his gut sink.

"Cordelia?'" Stahl answered as he watched Robin dance with Cordelia.

"Yes, her. She looks incredibly beautiful." Virion leaned back into the couch, taking a sip from his plastic cup. Stahl watched in disbelief for a good minute, waiting for Virion to stand up and ask Cordelia out, or worse.

"This is such a wonderful night," Robin stated, the technicolor lights reflecting off Cordelia's hair. The both of them decided Robin was awful at dancing and settled on slow dancing instead

"I'm glad you agree." Cordelia leaned against his chest. Her eyes drifted from his brown pupils to a mistletoe hanging in the kitchen doorway. "Follow me." She said as she grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the doorway where the mistletoe hung. Virion continued to sit on the couch.

"So, she's dating that white-haired man, correct?" Virion asked.

"Uh… yes, she is." Stahl was in a state of confusion, again waiting for Virion to do something asinine. "What the hell are you waiting for?!"

"Excuse me?" Virion raised his eyebrow slightly before taking another sip.

"You're obviously waiting to go ask Cordelia out, so get going and make an ass of yourself!" Stahl pointed to the embracing couple, who now were slightly drowning out the music with the sounds of their mouths.

"You honestly think I would attempt to steal a woman from someone?" Virion set his glass onto the table, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I may be a philanderer, but I am not a creep." He began to play another round of Risk on his phone.

"Is something going on here?" Chrom walked over to the couch, leaning over Virion with an imposing look.

"No Chrom, everything's fine," Stahl answered. "Virion isn't intent on picking up ladies."

"I have a girlfriend, for God's sake!" Virion stood up, a look of disgust on his face. "I am flabbergasted at how low you people perceive me!"

"Okay, I get it." Stahl held his hands up in peace. "I'm sorry I assumed how much of a jerk you are."

"Thank you." Virion stated before grabbing his coat from off the hanger, fitting his arms into it and zipping it up. "I'm afraid that I have to depart, as I feel quite tired. Thank you all for the warm hospitality." Virion waved to the group before exiting through the front door. Chrom slumped onto the couch, laying on his side.

"Well, that sucked." Chrom sighed before looking at the door. "Did we scare him off?"

"I think we did," Stahl stated before noticing that Robin and Cordelia were approaching; Robin's face was covered with red lip marks.

"Alright, now cover your eyes and ears," Robin spoke in a passionate tone as he covered Cordelia's ears, the both of them smiling. Cordelia raised a hand and blocked her vision. "Stahl, do you have any bubble bath formula?"

"Actually, yeah, I have some. I'll go get it." Stahl stood off the couch and walked up the stairs.

Several moments of silence ensued before Stahl returned from upstairs, setting a large pink jug on the ground. "There you go."

"Thanks," Robin removed his hands from Cordelia's ears and waved to Stahl as he lifted the jug off the ground. "Alright, you can open your eyes now." He said as he stood next to Cordelia.

"You're going to set up a bubble bath for us?" Cordelia asked as she focused intently on the pink jug.

"Damn, you're good," Robin smiled as he held out his arm. Cordelia looped her arm around his and he led her up the stairs to the bathroom door. "Wait just a minute." Robin walked into the bathroom, turning on the faucet of the bathtub.

The bathroom was set up as a rectangle of a room, with the tub and shower curtain at the far end of the room. The shelf that held everyone's toothbrushes looked like it could support drink glasses, which Robin noted for future purposes. He poured the pink solution into the tub, watching intently as the bubbles rose to the surface of the water. After he put the jar next to the tub he walked through the door. "It's all ready for you, just let me know when I can come in." Robin motioned with his head towards the door and Cordelia walked into the bathroom; Robin shut the door behind her.

" _This really wasn't needed, but it's still nice._ " Cordelia thought as she stared at the bubbly water before she undressed, dipping her foot in the water to make sure it was the right temperature. She turned the faucet off and lowered herself slowly into the tub, the warm water enveloping almost all of her body.

"Can I come in?" Robin's asked, his voice muffled through the bathroom door.

"Yes," Cordelia answered as Robin walked into the room, setting two glasses of champagne on the shelf.

"So how are you holding up?" He questioned as he massaged her shoulders, her red hair flowing in the water like tendrils.

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Cordelia leaned her head back as she felt her shoulders loosen.

"I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright. Do you like the bath?"

"It's absolutely divine. Thank you for doing this." Cordelia raised her head slightly, pecking Robin on the cheek. Robin splashed her with water playfully. "Really? How juvenile of you." Cordelia said as she cupped her hand, dumping water on his cloak.

"Oh great, you got my cloak wet." Robin groaned as he unbuttoned his cloak and placed it next to Cordelia's clothes.

"Right into my trap!" Cordelia said as she grabbed Robin by his shoulders and yanked him into the tub, the hot water sending a jolt up his spine. Water splashed outwards, soaking the carpet and their clothes. The tub was barely wide enough to fit both of them, but that didn't stop Cordelia placed her hands on Robin's toned chest, neither of them noticing how soaked their clothes were.

"Damn, I've been outplayed. Guess I'll have to... counterattack!" Robin cupped his hands with water and dumped them onto Cordelia's hair. Her front hair went straight as it covered her eyes.

"Well played." She said as she brushed her hair to the side. "Hey look, it's Chrom!" Cordelia pointed to the back wall; Robin fell for the clever ruse.

"What? Where? How could he have gotten here?" Robin turned the other direction but jumped in shock by Cordelia draping her arms around his shoulders. "What are you- Mmph!" Robin turned back around exactly as Cordelia pulled herself upright, her lips connecting to his. Robin flushed as his fingers ran through her wet, messy hair.

"I love every minute we spend together," Cordelia said as she moved back slightly.

"How romantic of you." Robin ran a finger down her shoulder. They held each other tightly for what seemed like an eternity before Robin realized what time it was. "We should get going." He said as he crawled out of the tub, and noticed his wet clothes. "Dammit, our clothing is soaked!"

 

Meanwhile, Sumia sat next to Gaius, who was drinking chocolate syrup out of a bottle.

"How do you keep your slim figure?" Sumia asked as she snatched the syrup out of his hand.

"Hey! I was enjoying that!" Gaius said as he folded his arms. "I'm pretty sure my metabolism is faster than light, which is why I eat candy all the time."

"Well, that explains it." Sumia leaned back on the couch and remembered that she hadn't seen Robin or Cordelia for over an hour. "Where did Cordelia and Robin go?" Sumia asked, her expression puzzled.

"I saw Bubbles leading Ol' Red up the stairs to the bathroom, so that's something." Gaius grabbed a lollipop out of his pocket.

"Who the heck is Bubbles? Old Red I can understand because Cordelia's hair is red, but what is it about Robin that makes you go 'Heh heh, Bubbles'?" Sumia put her drink down.

"Did you see what Robin was carrying? Bubble bath formula." Gaius stated as he sucked on a cherry lollipop.

"Oh." Sumia's brain made the connection as she realized something else. "Did Robin just set up a bubble bath for Cordelia?"

"Looks like it," Gaius replied as he stared at the door. "I wonder if they're having fun right now." He gave Sumia a lewd smile.

Sumia began to think about the context of what Gaius just said and realized he was talking about sex. "Although, now that you mention it…" Sumia dragged her finger along Gaius' chest. "We could have some fun tonight…"

"What do you mean by fun?" Gaius asked.

"I mean sex, copu-la-tion," Sumia answered as she stood up, her face flush.

"Oh, gotcha." Gaius stood up as well, Sumia's gaze penetrating his very soul as he stuffed his cherry lollipop into his pocket without thinking.

"I understand if you don't want to do it, so don't feel pressured by me or anything," Sumia reassured him as she hugged his left arm.

"You are the least intimidating person I know," Gaius said as he slid one hand behind Sumia's back and another at the back of her knees as he struggled to pick her up. Sumia giggled as she clutched his shoulders. " _I really need to work out more._ " Gaius thought, his legs wobbling with every step he took.

"Whee! This is so much fun!" Sumia planted her lips to Gaius' as he stood next to the stairs.

"Alright, you're not gonna like this, but..." Gaius pulled his lips away as he slung Sumia over his left shoulder. He felt the stress in his right arm soothe instantaneously as Sumia kicked her feet.

"Seriously?! I'm making you go to the gym after Christmas break." She folded her arms as she felt her blood rush to her head, her brown hair covering her eyes as it fell downwards. Gaius marched up the stairs and kicked open the door to his room, carefully setting Sumia down on his bed. Sumia removed her purple turtleneck as she sat upright and threw it onto the ground while Gaius searched for the bucket of unused condoms, which was somewhere in this room. After he found said bucket, he removed his clothing until the two of them were stark naked. He hurriedly applied the condom to his 'Sweet Treat' as he called it, watching as Sumia's eyes went wide with anticipation.

"Time to try out some of your sweets." She smiled with glee as she lied on her back, her legs pointing upwards as Gaius grabbed her inner thighs with his soft hands. She felt his hardened dick casually slide between the wet folds of her vagina, the feeling of his dick inside her propelling her towards a blissful state of being. Gaius took note of the shocked look on her beet-red face.

"Is something wrong?" Gaius asked as he moved his waist back and forth in an arrhythmic manner, his hands tightening their grip on her pale thighs.

"Well, I just thought you would do foreplay or something along those l-lines." Sumia shuddered as an unfamiliar sensation coursed through her body like a flame, the pearl loops that kept her bangs in check sliding down her hair as she moved.

"Why should we have an appetizer when we can skip right to the entree?" Gaius grinned as he moved his right hand downwards from her thigh. After a brief moment, he discovered his mark: the clitoris. He rubbed it gently with his index finger, the moans from Sumia and the tightening of her leg muscles indicating that he was onto something. "My my, sensitive are we?"

"Ah!" Sumia's voice hitched as it reverberated around the room. She arched her back upwards as her breasts wobbled, all of her lower muscles tightened as she felt the rush of a climax. "I'm coming!" She yelled as she clenched the bedspread underneath her with her sweaty hands.

"Well that was quick," Gaius responded as he felt the familiar thrill of a climax shooting down his spine while he pulled out. He watched intently as he came into the condom, the thought of impregnating Sumia less bizarre to him now. He wasn't about to puncture a hole in the next condom on purpose, but nonetheless, he would be fine with conceiving a child, should the proposition arise. Or maybe he was overcomplicating things in his head and he and Sumia would part ways after college. He couldn't decide on an answer to that self-imposed question as he pulled his pants up his legs, stumbling into his bed. "I meant to do that." He said as he rolled over next to Sumia, who laid on her side.

"That was wonderful." Sumia delicately grabbed his wrist and dragged it to her breast. Gaius squeezed her pink areola between his fingers as Sumia pecked him on the forehead. "Do you mind if I try some roleplay?"

"Why?" A yawn escaped Gaius' mouth as he focused intently on her breast.

"Well, I just thought we could get really…" Sumia's voice trailed off as she struggled to find a suitable word.

"Kinky?" Gaius started to sweat.

"Yeah, or something along those lines. I'll be Christian Gray, and you can be Anastasia!"

"Why are you the BDSM fanatic?" Gaius questioned as Sumia grabbed the back of his head, her fingers combing through his orange hair.

"That's not important. Now first," Sumia cleared her throat. "I want you to suckle me like one of your lollipops," Sumia's tone was incredibly sultry, her lewd expression matching it.

"Excuse me?!" Gaius stuttered as Sumia's grip on his head tightened.

"Suckle. My. Breasts." Sumia's tone shifted entirely into a much more serious one as she shoved Gaius' head onto her chest. He pushed against her stomach, but her hands restrained him from backing up. "Do it."

"Fine." Gaius groaned as he parted his lips and filled his mouth with Sumia's right breast, his tongue grappling with her hardened nipple, and his hand groping her other breast.

"Oh my God, yes." Sumia's brown eyes widened as she felt Gaius' tongue coil around her areola. She quickly removed the pearl loops from her hair and set them on her white nightstand, sweat trickling down her forehead as she felt a special embrace; the kind only true lovers had. "Milk me dry!" She yelled as Gaius stopped his tongue motions.

" _Wait_ ," Gaius closed his lips as something in his mind stirred. " _She said something about lollipops._ " Gaius felt his hand through his pocket, the sticky substance inside it confirming his suspicions. "Okay, I need to go clean my pants." He pulled his head back, Sumia's grip noticeably more relaxed.

"You just came in your pants?" Sumia asked as Gaius stood up.

"No, my pocket's full of melted lollipop." Gaius turned his pocket inside out and sure enough, it was lined with a red melted substance. "I'll be right back." Gaius hurried out of his room, but not before kissing Sumia on the forehead and grabbing an extra pair of trousers from the floor. Sumia lied in the room, boredom filling her mind.

" _I should do something while I wait._ " She thought as she remembered something deep in her mind. " _Wait a minute, I forgot about the bee costume!_ " Sumia stood up from the bed, fitting her turtleneck over her torso before she walked out of Gaius' room with the rest of her clothing and her pearl loops. She pulled the turtleneck down her waist, regretting her decision to forgo pants as she hurriedly strode to her room. After she shut the door behind her, she removed her turtleneck and searched for the costume she had bought earlier.

Sumia never imagined that she would spend the evening searching for a costume while stark naked, but apparently fate had weird things in store for her. After what felt like an age of searching, she finally discovered it underneath her bed. She held the sealed package, realizing that it was less of a bee costume and more of a onesie painted yellow with black stripes. Or was it black with yellow stripes? She didn't care. After she fit her legs into the costume, she pulled the back zipper up; it dawned on her that she had bought the wrong size.

She looked down at her chest, her breasts squashed up against the protrusion that was designed to hold them. She reexamined the packaging, cursing underneath her breath as she noticed the big letter 'A' in the top right corner.

Gaius however, walked his way through the empty living room, stepping over the discarded plastic cups on the floor. He entered the laundry room when he noticed two outlines in the room, unable to differentiate who they were due to the darkness. He flicked the light switch, and the dark human outlines revealed themselves to be Robin and Cordelia.

"Fancy seeing you two here," Gaius said as he removed his pants, not caring that Cordelia was in the room.

"Yeah, what a coincidence," Cordelia stated as she averted her eyes, a bath towel wrapped around her figure.

"So what brings you down here?" Robin asked as he glanced at his cloak and pants, sitting neatly on top of the pile labeled 'Dirty'.

"Oh, nothing weird or anything, just a lollipop melted in my pocket while I was spending romantic time with Sumia. Definitely normal." Gaius' voice was monotone as he threw his pants into the pile. "I got laundry duty tomorrow, so your clothing is in good hands."

"Define 'Romantic time' please," Cordelia asked, not liking where this conversation was heading.

"We were just playing a quick round of Uno in my room when suddenly I remembered I had stuffed an unwrapped lollipop in my pocket. I hurried down here before kissing her goodbye, and that's my story." Gaius folded his arms as he leaned against the doorway, hoping to god that his story wasn't as bad as it sounded. "What are you two doing here?"

"Well someone," Robin glared at Cordelia, who laughed nervously as her eyes darted around the room. "Soaked our clothing, and we figured now was a good time to bring it to the washing machine."

"Got it. So what were you two doing before I got here?" Gaius asked, attempting to shift the questions away from himself.

"I… uh." Robin paused as his mind drew a blank. "What were we doing?" He asked Cordelia.

"I don't know," Cordelia shrugged her shoulders. "I guess we were just staring at each other."

"Well, it's getting late. I better get back to Sumia so we can play more card games." Gaius said as he exited the room. "Goodnight, you stinking lovebirds." Gaius returned to his room, the smell of the laundry still clouding his nose as he noticed Sumia wasn't there. He figured she must've returned to her room, and that's precisely where she was. He opened the door, a shocked look on his face as he saw Sumia sitting on the bed, wearing a bee costume. "Excuse me?" He asked, his eyes focused intently on her legs, which were entirely exposed.

"You like honey, right?" Sumia asked as she pointed to herself. "Well, I thought you would enjoy this." Gaius sighed as he pulled his trousers down.

"Why must you torture me like this?" He questioned as Sumia smiled jubilantly, her brown eyes watching with desire as he slid another condom onto his hardened cock. Gaius strutted over to her, noticing that her breasts were rather squashed into the costume. "Here, let's give these beauties some room." Gaius' tone was calm and collected as he groped Sumia's right breast, his hand sliding underneath the costume as it rubbed her hardened nipple.

"I'd like it if you referred to my breasts as 'Breasts', and not 'Beauties'." Sumia protested as she felt Gaius grab the back zipper of the costume. He slid the brace down, the metallic fastener rubbing against her back as it fell. Gaius watched with anticipation as the entire costume fell to the ground, his hand bouncing her breast playfully. He sat on the bed, his arms wrapped around Sumia's smooth stomach as he pulled her closer to him, her head turned around so that she could kiss him on the lips. She felt Gaius position his solid cock at her vagina, carefully sliding it in as Sumia felt the unfamiliar sensations return, coursing through her veins.

Now, however, she didn't shudder. She had grown accustomed to the sensations and instead relished in them as she moved up and down on Gaius' dick. She raised both her legs upward as Gaius kissed her on the neck, his hands caressing her breasts as they rubbed her nipples. A rather loud moan exited her mouth, accompanied by a grunt from Gaius. The special embrace that was only shared between two lovers was back, and now it was more intense than before as Sumia continued the motions of her waist.

 

However, in the room next to theirs, the occupants were not thrilled with the loud noises from the passionate couple. Robin lied awake in Cordelia's bed, the sounds of Sumia's moans filling his eardrums. Cordelia had placed one of her pillows atop her face in an attempt to block the noise but had no such luck.

"Oh my God, yes." Sumia's voice hitched as it echoed through the hallway.

"Oh good lord." Cordelia pressed the pillow even closer to her face, regretting her decision to choose the room next to Sumia's.

"If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure we woke everyone up that time we had sex," Robin said as he grabbed his phone, desperate to find something to distract him.

"Well, yes, but at least I didn't make moaning noises endlessly." Cordelia motioned her head towards Sumia's room.

"You sure about that?" Robin raised an eyebrow at her.

"At least I'm better than Mr. 'One-minute man'." Cordelia teased him.

"Is that a challenge?" Robin asked, his eyebrow raised.

"That depends on whether or not you get protection, so why don't you go acquire some." Cordelia removed the pillow from her head, a look of interest in her eyes.

"But the bucket is in Gaius' room," Robin complained as he stood up, wrapping the towel from before around his waist.

"Do you really want me to get them?" Cordelia asked dryly as she sat up.

"Alright, alright. Just try and be ready by the time I get back." Robin exited the room and returned after a few minutes. He held the handle of the plastic bucket tightly, delicately grabbing a packet out of the bucket.

"Is there a reason as to why you're so erect?" Cordelia asked as she stared at the growing bulge in his towel.

"Oh, that's just me thinking about ways to pleasure you," Robin lewdly smiled as he threw the towel next to Cordelia's, his rod fully hardened as he slid the rubber circle onto it.

"Oh please, before this night is over, you'll be begging for mercy." Cordelia pulled the covers off of her, the moonlight reflecting off her pale unclothed body. She spread her legs, beckoning Robin with her index finger. "Now please, get over here." Robin sauntered over slowly, his legs making slow strides as he walked. Cordelia felt burning anticipation build up inside of her, and the wait was simply killing her. She stood up, desperate to get started, but Robin pushed her firmly back onto the bed, the insatiable desire inside her growing stronger still as a slick wetness built within her legs.

"You're staying right there," Robin said as he clasped her shoulders, his thoughts overrun with ways to pleasure her.

Chrom, meanwhile, laid awake in his bed amidst the moans of sexual pleasure coming from not one, but two rooms in the house. Olivia had her arms wrapped around his chest, snoring quietly. He was currently checking his Twitter feed when a specific tweet caught his attention.

 **"Just left a party because some people there thought I was a rapist, and I get back to my dorm to find out my girlfriend dumped me. FML"** The tweet was from Virion.

 **"that sucks"** Chrom responded and added a sad-looking emoticon at the end of his message. He sent the reply and placed his phone on his nightstand.

* * *

"And I found a bee outfit and I thought: Huh, this would be bodacious for the costume party we're having on New Years."

*cough*

"I put on the costume, and then I was a bee. I finally felt like I was meant **to** **be** a bee."

"Get outta here."


	10. sweet rob and hella delia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local kid gets mauled by turtle.

* * *

Chrom sat on the living room couch doing absolutely nothing, still groggy due to sleep deprivation from last night's cacophony of moans. Olivia was still sleeping when he woke, and he made sure to don the blue-and-white striped sweater she had knitted before he left their room.

A knock on the door resounded through the house as Chrom stood up, the wool from the sweater brushing up against his skin. The knock repeated as Chrom shambled to the door, gripping the brown doorknob tightly with his hand. Cold air wafted into the living room as Chrom swung open the medium sized door; a red-haired boy wearing a brown coat stood outside the doorway as the morning sun shone behind him.

"H-hello sir, can I speak to the leader of this house?" The boy asked nervously, his eyes darting around the room.

"You're looking at him. What can I do for you?" Chrom questioned as he leaned his arm against the doorway, the wool from the sweater irritating his skin.

"I was wondering if… I was wondering if I could... " The boy stuttered and tripped over his own words. "I was wondering if I could join your group."

"Yeah sure, what's your na- Hang on, I recognize you." Chrom's brain searched through people that'd he seen around campus. "You're that Ricken kid, right?"

"I wouldn't call myself a kid, but yes that's my name," Ricken answered.

"You look like you're fourteen years old. Regardless, come inside where it's warm." Chrom pointed his thumb behind him and held the door open as Ricken walked in, chunks of snow falling off his boots onto the doormat. "So what are your interests?" Chrom's voice was tired and monotone as he shut the door before falling onto the couch.

"Well first off: I'm not fourteen, I'm nineteen years old." Ricken sat down on the blue recliner opposite the sofas.

"You sure about that?" Chrom asked as he rested against the back of the couch, his sweater continuing to itch his skin.

"Yes. Secondly, I wanted to join your group-"

"The Shepherds," Chrom interjected.

"I wanted to join the Shepherds." Ricken sighed; Chrom couldn't help but smirk. "Because you people seem really nice, and I haven't made any friends since the school year started."

"I'm flattered, but what are your interests?" Chrom asked again.

"Well, I like reading comic books." Ricken's cheeks flushed, slightly embarrassed with how boyish he had revealed himself to be.

"Is Batman your favorite?" Chrom asked in a dull tone.

"How did you?" Ricken was taken aback.

"Everyone loves Batman," Chrom answered.

"I don't like Batman." A low voice responded, which caused Chrom to jump in his seat.

"Gah! Who's there?" Chrom stood up and searched the room, peeking his head into the kitchen and seeing Stahl slumped against the fridge, Maribelle resting beside him. " _Looks like they had one too many drinks._ " Chrom thought before walking back to the sofa.

"It's me, Kellam. You know, the guy sitting right next to you?" Kellam responded, his beige shirt and pants effectively camouflaging him.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Chrom asked as he cautiously sat back down.

"The last hour or so. I tried to get your attention, but you looked like you were thinking about something and I didn't want to interrupt you." Kellam responded as he sank into the couch.

"Do not forget that I exist," Miriel said as she poked her head from beside Kellam, his muscled chest hiding her from the side.

"Even Miriel's here?" Chrom sighed.

"I was a late arrival, but may I suggest you look into the nurturing your optics?" Miriel suggested; Kellam noticed the confused look on Chrom's face. He nudged Miriel with his shoulder.

"English, please." He whispered in her ear.

"Ah yes, glasses. You should buy glasses." Miriel pointed to her bifocals before resting her hand on Kellam's lap.

"Oh, no thanks," Chrom replied. "Regardless, you two must know Ricken by now."

"Hey there." Kellam waved to Ricken. Ricken gestured back and sank into the recliner.

"A fond greeting to you." Miriel stood up and shook Ricken's hand, returning not to her seat but to sit on Kellam's muscled thighs. Chrom shuffled further along the couch as he looked at the couple with growing discomfort. His gaze shifted to Ricken, whose cheeks were completely flush. "So Ricken, you desire more friends?"

"Well, I would always appreciate more friends," Ricken said meekly.

"You know what you need? A girlfriend." Vaike stated as he stood at the top of the staircase, his hands at his hips.

"Dammit Vaike, how did you get any sleep?" Chrom questioned as he watched Vaike slide down the wooden staircase railing.

"Nothing can stop me from catching some z's!" Vaike yelled as he divebombed onto the couch; he glanced up to see Kellam staring at him. "Kellam! My man! How've you been?" Vaike asked enthusiastically as he held his hand up. Kellam shook it slowly as he smiled.

"I saw you last night…" Kellam replied awkwardly as Vaike pulled his hand away.

"Whatever. So Ricken needs a girlfriend? I'm on it. What's your type?" Vaike asked as he turned to face Ricken.

"I really don't need a girlfriend." Ricken continued to blush.

"Oh man, you really are young, huh?" Vaike laughed as he lied on his back. "Do you like tall girls or short ones?"

"Tall," Ricken grumbled as he bit his lip.

"Long hair or short hair?" Chrom asked, realizing that Vaike was onto something.

"Either. But preferably long." Ricken sank even lower into the recliner, the realization that he wasn't getting out of this firmly planted in his mind.

"Okay, these two knuckleheads will get you nowhere," Lissa called out as she leaned over the railing of the second floor, her blond ponytails disheveled and frayed.

"Babe, how did you wake up this early?" Vaike asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"I don't know, the man yelling as he slid down the stair railing?" Lissa wiped her eyes with her thumbs as she trotted down the carpeted stairs.

"Sorry about that," Vaike said as he held his arms out; Lissa hugged him begrudgingly as she sat next to him.

"Now is there anyone that you have a crush on?" Lissa asked as she held her head in the palm of her hand.

"Well, there's this girl Cherche, but she's already dating some Virion dude." Ricken started to blush even more.

"She just dumped Virion, so..." Chrom suggested. "You should ask her out. Catch her on the rebound."

"You really think so?" Ricken asked, the sound of hope in his voice.

"Yes." Everyone on the couch replied.

"Okay, I'll ask her out. She frequents this pub in town every Saturday, so I'll go there tonight. But first, I need to grab my stuff from my dorm." Ricken stood up and grabbed his coat.

"I'm going with you. That way I can continue to give you advice." Chrom hurriedly got on his feet and slid his boots on. "If Olivia comes downstairs before I get back, tell her I went with the new guy to get his things."

"Alright," Kellam said as he continued to sit on the couch while Ricken opened the door, frigid air drifting through the room. Lissa shivered, which prompted Vaike to huddle next to her. Chrom walked out behind Ricken and shut the door behind him.

Almost immediately afterward, Sumia exited her room as Gaius followed her down the stairs. He sat down on the couch without saying a word as Sumia sat next to him, who was giggling quietly.

"Nice job waking everyone up," Vaike stated dryly as he removed his head from Lissa's shoulder.

"Hey, it's not my fault Sumia's a sore loser at Uno," Gaius laughed while Sumia became very confused.

"Wait, what? We didn't play Uno, we had se-" Sumia almost finished her sentence before Gaius quickly covered her mouth.

"Several fun rounds of card games!" Gaius pretended to finish her sentence as he laughed nervously, silently praying that he covered his tracks well.

"I did not know people played card games during sexual reproduction." Miriel uttered as she adjusted her glasses.

"What!? The very idea that I would fornicate with Sumia is, frankly, insulting." Gaius folded his arms as he scowled. Sumia took the opportunity to clear up the confusion.

"We had sex." Sumia related bluntly as everyone rolled their eyes.

"Called it!" Stahl drunkenly exclaimed from the kitchen.

"We did it before it was cool," Kellam grumbled as Miriel turned her head around.

"There is no need to be upset." Miriel kissed him on the cheek as her fingers combed through his short black hair.

"This is exactly why I don't disclose my personal activities. Screw all you gay heterosexuals!" Gaius raised his middle finger as he walked up the stairs.

"Gaius!" Sumia sighed and rolled her eyes before chasing after Gaius. Miriel's brain was still reeling from that oxymoron. Sumia followed him into their room, watching as he removed his shirt.

"Thanks for embarrassing me in public," Gaius stated as he slipped underneath the covers of his bed, resting on his side as he faced Sumia, who still had the look of disappointment in her eyes.

"But we just got out of bed," Sumia complained as she continued to stand.

"Well, then maybe you should've accepted my Uno story." He folded his arms and frowned as Sumia sighed.

"Why are you so defensive about sex? It's not like everyone in this house is a virgin."

"Most people don't go around boasting about how they got a dick in their ass." Gaius' tone was becoming more and more aggravated with each second.

"But we didn't-" Sumia would've finished that sentence but was interrupted.

"It was an example!" He yelled before standing up. "Can you please just not talk about it next time?"

"Alright, fine." Sumia tossed his shirt to him; he promptly fitted it over his torso.

 

In the room down the hallway, however, Robin lied awake on his back in Cordelia's bed, Cordelia's sleeping head resting on his shoulder as he checked his phone.

 **"some new guy named ricken just joined the shepherds, and i was wondering if you could help me out"** Chrom had texted him.

 **"What exactly do you need?"** Robin texted back.

**"im helping him ask someone out tonight, and i would really like it if you and cordelia came along for advice or something"**

**"Sure, just let me ask her."**

"Yes," Cordelia answered drowsily, her eyes squinting as they focused on Robin's phone. "Tell him I can be the designated driver."

 **"She said yes, and she'll drive."** Robin sent the text and held Cordelia's slim frame tightly with his other arm.

 **"alright olivia might be coming too, so we'll go around 7-ish"** Immediately after Chrom had sent that text Robin placed his phone on the bed stand.

"I still can't believe how wonderful last night was," Cordelia stated quietly, her body still sore.

"No kidding." Robin dragged her finger along his face.

"Shouldn't we get breakfast?" Cordelia looked at the clock behind Robin and noticed the time, which was roughly quarter to nine.

"Five more minutes," Robin said as he held her tightly in an embrace, her warm hands wrapping around his back as he kissed her on the forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," Cordelia said as she closed her eyes. Something stirred in Robin's mind, a question he had wanted to ask ever since they first met.

"Is your hair naturally red?" He began to focus on Cordelia's hair, which fell off of Robin's frame into little ends.

"Yes. I inherited its color from my father, and I grow it out long like my mother's." Cordelia responded without opening her eyes.

 

Later that evening, Chrom sat on his stool next to Olivia and Ricken, his drink resting on the hardwood bar until he downed another gulp. "So where's Cherche?" Chrom looked at Ricken, who wore an adorable miniature suit and tie. Ricken had directed Cordelia to the local pub; Robin and Cordelia sat at a nearby booth by themselves as loud disco music played over the sound system.

"Right over there." Ricken pointed to a woman whose well kept pink hair went well past her shoulders. She was currently sitting at a high table by herself, her blue shirt revealing most of her back. Chrom recognized her from around the campus as the girl who was always carrying Virion's textbooks.

"She's got a pretty nice butt," Olivia stated bluntly as she focused on Cherche's gray skinny jeans. Ricken stared at Olivia, his mouth agape and his eyes wide. "What? I'm allowed to acknowledge a good butt, right?"

"Now I know why you like her." Chrom nudged Ricken on the shoulder while he grinned.

"S-Shut up!" Ricken stuttered as he stood up from the leather-clad stool. He pushed the stool inwards and waved to Chrom and Olivia as he walked towards Cherche.

"Five dollars says he's getting rejected," Olivia whispered in Chrom's ear with glee.

Eh, I think he's got a chance." Chrom sipped his drink as he watched Ricken sit down next to Cherche.

"Did you ever have a relationship before we met?" Olivia asked, her curiosity about Chrom's life never fully satiated.

"Oh, yeah, this girl Sully and I had an on-and-off relationship lasting through high school. Nothing serious, but it was still something." Chrom took another swill of his drink while he answered.

"How come I don't see here around the campus?" Olivia racked her brain but was certain Sully was not at the university.

"After Highschool, she left to join the Military. I threw her a goodbye party the day before she left too." Chrom glanced out the window before settling his gaze on Olivia, her pink hair falling behind her back.

"Huh. I know that was unrelated, but I was just curious." The bartender put Olivia's pink drink in front of her, and she took a sip before glancing at Ricken again.

"Well, I got a question for you." Chrom continued to focus on Olivia's hair. "Is your hair naturally pink?"

"Oh, this?" Olivia held a clump of her ponytail with her hand. "Dyed. Originally it was light brown, but I thought pink looked better. I could ask you the same question, though." Olivia answered as she ran her fingers through Chrom's short blue hair.

"It's a recessive gene in my family tree. Only specific generations have blue hair, and apparently, some generations had red hair, and some had green hair." Chrom pulled his head away from Olivia's hand before turning to look at Ricken. "Now let's watch and see how this goes."

"H-Hello there." Ricken squeaked as he sat down on the chair left of Cherche's, his feet dangling above the ground.

"Hm?" Cherche grunted as she turned to face him, her silver dragon-wing earrings clanking as she turned her head. "Oh, you're that Ricken boy, right?"

Ricken detected a slight french accent in her voice. "Yeah, uh, I heard about what happened with Virion. Are you alright?" Ricken asked as he stared at her pretty face.

"I'll be fine. I was just getting tired of his constant parties and whatnot. Besides, he was not fond of Minerva, which is a big no-no in my book." Cherche fumbled with her brown bag that sat on the table; it had air holes punctured into it. "Do you want to see Minervi-kins?"

"Sure," Ricken replied, his brain pondering what was in her purse. " _Is it a pet? It's probably a pet._ " After fumbling with her bag for a moment, Cherche finally felt the reptilian scales of Minerva as she gripped her shell.

"Found you!" Cherche said excitedly as she pulled a medium-sized tortoise out of her bag. "Aw, you adorable petite… Give mommy a kiss." Cherche held the tortoise up to her face, its scaly head nuzzled against her cheek as she smiled brightly. Ricken cleared his throat, which caused Cherche to remember that she was in the presence of company. She put Minerva down on the table and watched as the tortoise walked slowly from one end to the other. "She is très adorable, no?" Cherche looked at Ricken, her pink irises wide. Ricken stared at the tortoise, its beady eyes darting around the room.

"She is pretty cute." He smiled awkwardly as Minerva slowly walked towards him. " _Please don't bite me, please don't bite me._ " He repeated inside his head, hoping that the turtle had the ability to read minds.

"I'm glad you agree." Cherche watched as Minerva walked off the table onto Ricken's lap, her shell cushioning her fall as she laid on her back.

"What the?!" Ricken exclaimed as he held his hands up. Cherche quickly grabbed his arms and he squealed internally as her warm hands held him down.

"Don't do that. She interprets that as an act of violence, and I would prefer if she didn't bite you." Cherche's voice was smooth as silk.

"What exactly should I do then?" Ricken asked as Cherche let go of his arms.

"Pet her shell. She adores that." Cherche demonstrated by running her hand across Minerva's bumped shell. She reacted by pulling her brown head inside her shell, her clawed legs digging into Ricken's pants.

"Like this?" Ricken asked as he copied Cherche's hand movements; Minerva kept her head inside her shell.

"Precisely. I think she likes you, no?" Cherche smiled brightly as she looked at Ricken.

"So uh, I have a question," Ricken asked as the tortoise rested on his lap, his cheeks blushing profusely.

" _I think I know where this is going._ " Cherche mentally ran through possible answers.

"I've been pondering this question for a while now, and I was wondering, would you be interested in going out with me?" Ricken leaned into the pose Chrom showed him, his arm bent slightly at the elbow to instill confidence. Chrom immediately read the pose and noticed the tortoise on Ricken's lap.

"Why is there a tortoise on Ricken?" Chrom asked Olivia.

"Wait, what! Cherche has a pet turtle?!" Olivia searched around the club and noticed the brown tortoise resting on Ricken.

"Tortoise. Turtles have flippers, tortoises have feet. Also, it looks like he's asking her out." Chrom replied, unable to read Cherche's expression as her back was facing him.

Cherche bit her lip as she pondered his question. "You are très cute, you cared about my feelings, and Minerva seems to adore you, so yes. I would like to go out with you, bu-" Cherche picked Minerva off of Ricken and put her inside the purse as Ricken interrupted her sentence.

"Great! I'm so happy right now! Ricken smiled ecstatically as he stood up. "Do you want to go dancing?" He asked as he held out his hand, only now noticing the frown on Cherche's face.

"But…" Cherche stalled her sentence, carefully thinking about her words. "I really need to be by myself for a while. I just got out of a year-long relationship with Virion, and I feel emotionally exhausted.

"Oh." Ricken retracted his hand as he smiled awkwardly.

"It's not you or anything, I just need a break from dating. Maybe in a couple months, we could be together." Cherche stood up, a flustered look on her face. "I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."

"It's fine. So what you're saying is…" Ricken asked, desperate to keep the conversation going.

"Four months from now, I'll be ready to date someone like you." Cherche reassured him as she sat back down in her seat.

"Okay," Ricken smiled. "In the meantime, though, do you want to hang out as friends?"

"I'd like that. Here's my number," Cherche pulled out her phone and read out her number to Ricken. He put her contact info on his phone before putting it away and waved to Cherche as he walked back towards the bar.

"So how did it go?" Chrom asked as he glanced at Cherche, who smiled as she sat at her table.

"Well, she said she would date me in four months. But until then we're just friends." Ricken sighed as he slumped next to Chrom.

"Look on the bright side, you made a new friend. And hopefully, in four months you'll have a girlfriend." Olivia softly patted him on the back.

"Thanks for helping me with this guys," Ricken smiled as he stood up, his confidence slightly returning.

Meanwhile, Robin's ears were filled with disco music as he watched Cordelia gaze sullenly at what he presumed was Chrom. He couldn't tell due to the position of the booth, but all signs pointed to Chrom.

"Cordelia?" He asked as he waved his hand in front of her.

"Gah! What?!" Cordelia jumped backward, her red eyes darting around the ceiling before settling on Robin.

"Were you focusing on Chrom or something?" Robin asked, a tinge of jealousy in his tone.

"Oh, don't be absurd. I'm over Chrom, and you don't need to worry about him." Cordelia reassured him as she swirled her strawberry drink.

"Okay, but what exactly were you so focused on?" Robin asked. Cordelia mumbled quietly, and Robin leaned his head closer to her. "Can you speak up please?" Robin asked again, and Cordelia slammed her hands down on the table before she inhaled a sharp breath.

"I was looking at Cherche's breasts, okay!" Cordelia yelled, and Robin leaned back in surprise.

"Alright, but why?" Robin replied calmly.

"Look at those things! They're so big she could probably smother somebody with them!" Cordelia's expressions were full of rage as she pointed in the general direction of Cherche. "I wish I had-" Cordelia quickly covered her mouth before she continued.

"Are you well?" Robin asked, concerned about Cordelia's self-image.

"You're disappointed with my bust size, and I know that for a fact," Cordelia moaned as she got out of her side the booth and huddled next to Robin. "If you wish to break up with me, I'll understand."

"Okay, just wait a second." Robin held her tightly as she sobbed into his shoulders, her red hair moving rhythmically with her head motions. "There is no single thing in this world that can make me disappointed in you." Robin gave her a tender smile, and Cordelia paused her tears.

"Truly?" She asked as her frown began to change into a smile.

"Yes. I love you with all of my heart, and you're perfect just the way you are." Robin made sure to put emphasis on the word perfect. "Do you want to play a game to cheer you up?"

"I'd love that," Cordelia said as she kissed Robin on the cheek and walked back to her side of the booth. "Thank you."

Robin had set up a game of checkers on his phone, and after three minutes his unbeatable strategy crumbled to dust due to Cordelia's wits. "I can't believe you beat me." Robin groaned as his final piece was trapped on all sides. Cordelia had herded his piece just below the upper left corner of the board and blocked it off to ensure he couldn't move.

"They called me 'Little Lady Genius' for a reason." Cordelia reminded him, her beautiful smile preventing him from leaving the booth.

"Just end the game already." Robin moaned as he slumped onto the hardwood table.

"Not yet, be patient," Cordelia smiled as she held his phone, her fingers tapping the screen as she took his turns for him. After a few moments, her pieces were in place and she scooted next to Robin as she showed him the board.

"What did you do?" Robin asked as he noticed all her pieces were arranged to make a heart. "Oh." Robin couldn't help but smile as he noticed this.

"I love you," Cordelia said as she rested her head on Robin's shoulder. Robin nuzzled his head next to hers while Chrom, Olivia, and Ricken all watched this scene unfold from the bar. Soon after Chrom realized it was time to depart.

"Alright, so I guess we should get going," Chrom said as he started walking towards the booth that Robin and Cordelia sat in. "I hate to interrupt this," He said as he pulled his phone out. "But we should get going." Chrom pointed to his phone, which displayed the time of 9:30 PM.

"Well, looks like we should depart," Cordelia said as she stood up, and held Robin's arm as they walked out behind Chrom. Cordelia led everyone back to her red car; Robin sat in the passenger seat while everyone else sat in the second row.

"So Ricken, how did it go?" Robin asked as he turned his head to face the back seating row.

"Well, I made a new friend, and hopefully, in four months I'll have a girlfriend," Ricken recited what Olivia had told him. Cordelia detected a slight trace of disappointment in his tone.

"You got very lucky tonight. The worst thing a woman can tell you is 'No', but she kept your feelings in mind." Cordelia reminded Ricken as she gripped the steering wheel of her car.

"I suppose," Ricken responded sullenly while he looked out the window. Olivia gripped Chrom's hand tightly as she sat next to him, an image of a washing machine appearing in her mind.

"Did you tell Robin and Cordelia about our sheets?" She whispered into Chrom's ear.

"Dammit, I forgot about that." Chrom sighed as he tapped Robin lightly on the shoulder.

"Hm?" Robin turned his head to face the back, again.

"Uh, can you and Cordelia sleep on the couch tonight?" Chrom asked.

"Why?" Cordelia inquired as she focused at the oncoming exits on the road.

"Well, Olivia and I have our sheets in the wash, so we need someplace to sleep," Chrom stated. Robin remembered that he offered his room to Ricken, as he and Cordelia used to have two collective rooms, and now Gaius and Sumia were the only ones with that title. Originally, everyone that wasn't in a couple had their own room, but since everyone (besides Ricken) was now in a couple, most of them merged rooms to ensure everyone did have a room.

"But why didn't you put your sheets in the wash earlier?" Cordelia questioned as she pulled her car into the university parking lot.

"We forgot, plain and simple," Olivia stated as she climbed over Chrom's lap to exit the car. Chrom and Ricken exited the automobile as well, and soon everyone was outside the car.

"But why can't you just borrow Gaius' or Sumia's room?" Cordelia asked her completely justifiable question.

"Because Gaius and Sumia are really defensive about their rooms." Chrom's answer was flimsy at best, but Robin decided that fighting would get no progress whatsoever.

"Fine, but you owe us," Robin stated as he began walking towards the house, Cordelia's arms wrapped snuggly around his own.

"I agree." Cordelia glanced at Chrom before continuing to walk with Robin, the moon above looking as beautiful as ever.

"You two are awesome," Chrom said as he followed after the two, Olivia and Ricken close behind him. When they returned to the house, Chrom and Olivia hurriedly scampered up the stairs to Cordelia's room as they giggled like children. Robin sat down on the couch, and Cordelia laid next to him as Ricken walked towards Robin's former room.

"Well, goodnight." Ricken waved to them as he stood in the open doorway.

"Goodnight." The couple responded as they rested on the couch.

"I'll be right back," Cordelia spoke as she walked towards the freezer, returning moments later with two spoons and a tub of moose tracks ice cream.

"Thank you," Robin said as he grabbed a spoon and began shoveling ice cream into his mouth. "This is not how I imagined tonight would be." He laughed to himself while he chewed on the chocolate inside the ice cream.

"It may be unorthodox, but I like it," Cordelia said as she licked her lips.

"That much is apparent, but still." Robin folded his arms and pouted. Cordelia set the tub on his legs and scooted next to him, her head resting on his shoulder as she downed another spoonful of delicious ice cream.

"Would watching a movie help lessen your discomfort?" Cordelia asked, the warmth of Robin's cloak acting as a personal heater.

"I'll see if anything good is on," Robin said as grabbed the black television remote off the hardwood table, and scrolled through menus until he noticed an interesting title in the recordings. "What's _A Christmas Story_?" He asked; Cordelia almost spat her dessert out.

"You've never seen _A Christmas Story_?! What kind of horrible upbringing did you have?" Cordelia responded.

"I wouldn't know, due to amnesia." Robin chuckled, and Cordelia couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Well, we are watching it as soon as I return," Cordelia stated as she threw the empty ice cream tub into the trash and went upstairs to her room. She opened the door and sighed as she noticed that Olivia was wearing nothing but undergarments while waving her hips seductively in front of Chrom, her rear only mere centimeters away from his flush face. "Of course, this happens in my room," Cordelia muttered as she strode through the room. Chrom jumped in shock as he noticed her.

"C-Cordelia!" Chrom stuttered as he stood up hurriedly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out this way." Cordelia looked at him, a disgusted look on her face.

"Next time you wish to use my bed for lap dances, please inform me so I can prevent it from happening." She stated as she rolled her eyes, searching through her closet for that blue nightgown she had purchased.

"Yes, ma'am," Olivia answered meekly as Cordelia found the gown. Cordelia grabbed her comforter and a pillow of her bed before walking out of her room. Chrom let out a sigh of relief, but not before Cordelia peeked her head through the doorway.

"Please don't get any bodily fluids on my bed, or else I'm making you two wash my bedspread tomorrow." Cordelia intonated before leaving to the bathroom, where she changed into her pale blue nightgown.

The gown came with panties to match it, and after sliding them up her leg and admiring her figure in the mirror, she noticed that due to the transparency of said gown, she essentially was wearing nothing. The gown held itself on her chest thanks to two straps around her shoulders, and it split into a downwards V after the area that held her breasts. The V went down the length of her stomach, and as such her entire legs were bare.

She wrapped the thick comforter around her body and left the bathroom. " _He's going to love this._ " She thought as she stood at the top of the staircase. "Oh, Robin!" She exclaimed in a sultry tone as Robin looked up to see here. Cordelia threw the comforter over the balcony and onto the couch, her smile one most lewd.

"There you are- Oh my God…" Robin cut himself off as he noticed her transparent nightgown, his face turning beet-red.

"I knew you would enjoy this," Cordelia stated as she strutted down the stairs, swaying her hips from side to side. Unfortunately, swaying her hips would prove to be her downfall, as her foot slipped in the middle of the staircase; Robin could only watch as she tripped down a flight of stairs.

"Ow! Shit! Fuck! Goddammit! Motherfucker! Ah!" Cordelia yelled as she fell on her back and slid down the staircase, each step bumping against her head until she laid in a heap at the base while Robin hurriedly scrambled next to her. She gasped for air while a searing pain coursed through her body. Robin delicately lifted her off the ground and transported her to the couch.

"Are you alright?" Robin asked as he slowly set her down on the couch. Cordelia opened her mouth but couldn't respond, the throbbing of her head preventing her from thinking. "Looks like you got the wind knocked out of you." Robin rested on his knees as Cordelia laid on the couch. After a minute of silence, Cordelia finally felt as though she could speak again.

"Damn, that stings." She croaked, her voice frail as Robin kissed her on the cheek. He walked towards the kitchen, returning with multiple packets of ice clutched in his hands.

"Where does it hurt?" He asked. Cordelia sat upright on the couch and pointed to her back and her head. Robin wedged the pack between her back and the cushion of the couch before sitting down next to her. He placed another packet at the back of her head and supported it his hand. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder while she waited for the pain to subside, which occurred after a mere five minutes of silent understanding between the two.

"Well, that was a very Sumia-like thing for me to do," Cordelia mumbled as she stood up and returned the ice packs to the fridge. She came back and placed herself across Robin's lap, her red hair falling off the side of the couch.

"How so?" Robin asked while he wrapped his arms around Cordelia's waist, his eyebrow raised.

"She's constantly tripping all the time. One time she tumbled down a hill and into a lake." Cordelia stated as she draped the blanket over her. "Shall we get the movie started?" She ran her fingers through his white hair as she smiled.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Robin said as he hit the play button, and lowered the volume as not to disturb anyone. After an hour, Robin continued to lie on his back, and Cordelia lied on her front atop Robin's chest while the movie played in the background. Robin's cloak was bundled up on the ground, and neither of them focused on the movie.

"Tell me something, Robin. Why is it that the more time we spend together, the more attracted I become to you?" Cordelia asked as she nuzzled her head against Robin's.

"Why thank you. You're very stunning as well." Robin replied as he felt her messy red hair in between his fingers. After fifteen minutes, Cordelia tapped Robin on the shoulder to check if he was awake. He made no motions, so she assumed he was asleep. She pulled her head closer to his left ear.

"So I've been thinking about how tender you just were, and I realized something. Let's get married!" She whispered softly. Robin's heart skipped a beat but he made no indication that he was awake.

" _Did she just? Oh my God._ " His thoughts scrambled frantically as his heartbeat continued to quicken.

"You probably can't hear me, though, so please forget I said that." Cordelia murmured as she fell asleep.

* * *

I TOLD YOU MAN! I **TOLD** YOU ABOUT STAIRS!


	11. Yes Means Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local men discuss butts and salad.

* * *

Robin had no luck getting sleep as his thoughts spiraled into madness. The television had turned off on its own from inactivity. " _I need to catch my breath._ " He thought as he struggled to move. Cordelia unconsciously retaliated by tightening her grip on his shoulders. Robin let out a grunt as he scooped Cordelia in his arms and lifted her off his chest before she started to stir. He slowly placed her back on the beige couch, the pale moonlight reflecting off her nightgown. "I'll be right back." He whispered in her ear and kissed her on the forehead. Robin buttoned up his cloak and pulled his brown boots up before opening the door, frigid air blasting his nerves with a cold sensation. Barely a second passed after he quietly shut the brown door before Chrom emerged.

"You going for a midnight stroll?" He whispered, his blue hair disheveled and frayed.

"Why yes, I am," Robin responded as he noticed Chrom was fully dressed, which was quite peculiar for someone who had sleep problems.

"Mind if I join?" Chrom asked as he grabbed his white coat.

"Fine by me." Robin noticed that Cordelia was shivering and pulled Chrom outside as he closed the door. He started to walk down the dirt path as Chrom walked beside him. "So is there a reason why you're fully clothed?"

"I'm what you would call a night owl," Chrom responded as his boots thudded along the snow-covered dirt. "Which really is a fancy way of me saying I have a hint of insomnia."

"I presume Olivia is an owl as well." Robin watched as snow accumulated on the ground, the waxing crescent moon shining in the sky.

"Sorta. She can stay up until two in the morning without crashing," Chrom sighed as his mind wandered. "Damn she gives the best lap dances."

"I didn't know you were a connoisseur of them." Robin laughed quietly as the dirt path they walked on merged into a gray cobblestone path.

"Until we met I wasn't, but goddamn her ass is phenomenal." Chrom started to blush.

"You always had more balls than brains, Chrom." Robin laughed to himself and Chrom laughed as well. "Surely you like her for her personality, and not just her posterior."

"Duh. Olivia's like an exquisite salad and her butt is the ranch dressing on top." Chrom realized that maybe a salad wasn't the best way to describe his girlfriend. "I can see why you love Cordelia though."

"And that is?" Robin asked while he furrowed his brow.

"Her caring personality. What, did you think I was going to ramble on about your girlfriend's butt?" Chrom smiled as he continued to walk.

"Well, no. But I was expecting it." Robin massaged his closed eyes with his thumb and index finger. "I really do love her, though." A sigh escaped Robin's lips as he pondered Cordelia's message.

"I feel the same way about Olivia. In fact, I was thinking, maybe after college, we could settle down or something." Chrom gazed into the distance.

"Wait, seriously!?" Robin's brown eyes went wide. "But you're only nineteen years old!"

"Doesn't matter," Chrom stated. "We both love each other, and I already know a married man."

"And that would be…?" Robin asked.

"You." Chrom locked eyes with him.

"How the hell?!" Robin was taken aback.

"Why else would you take a midnight stroll without Cordelia?" Chrom replied, his intellect surprising Robin.

"Well, maybe I needed fresh air and she was asleep." Robin's eyes darted around the nearby trees. Chrom firmly placed his hand on his purple-clad shoulders.

"You proposed to her, didn't you?" Chrom asked, his eyes seemingly peering into Robin's very soul.

"No. It's much more complicated than that," Robin sighed as he explained what happened. "Cordelia thought I was asleep, and whispered 'let's get married' in my ear. I was not asleep, and I won't be for the rest of the night."

"Oh my God, you lucky… Do you realize how much good fortune you have?" Chrom asked as he released Robin's shoulders from his iron grip.

"But we're both college freshmen, and I don't have any money." Robin turned around and started walking back to the house.

"So we'll all pitch in for the wedding, problem solved," Chrom smiled. "Besides, you said you love her, right?"

"Yes," Robin muttered as looked down at the gray colored path.

"So why are you hesitating? You two both love each other, so seize the moment." Chrom stated while he patted Robin's shoulder.

"But this is our first relationship. What if we grow bored of each other?" Robin asked as his voice hitched.

"Robin, you got Cordelia, the most faithful person I know, to love you. So shut up and put a ring on her finger already." Chrom locked his blue eyes with Robin's while he clasped his shoulders.

"Okay, okay. But are you serious that you guys will help pay for the wedding?" Robin broke from Chrom's grip and continued walking.

"Of course we will. Olivia thinks you two are adorable, Sumia will because it's her sister, Gaius can pitch in or else," Chrom laughed to himself. "I can convince Lissa to donate, and Stahl would help because he's a nice guy."

"Wow, when you put it like that…" Robin stood in front of the house door.

"Just don't sweat it," Chrom said as he grabbed the doorknob of the brown door and pushed it open. Cordelia sat on the couch, the blanket wrapped around her and a coffee mug in hand as she looked up from her book.

"Oh, you're finally back." She intoned dryly as she lowered the book onto the table. Chrom hung his coat up and walked up the stairs without saying a word.

"I didn't know you were up," Robin said as he pulled his boots off his feet and sat on the beige couch next to her.

"So how was your little walk?" She asked while she removed her blanket, pale moonlight continuing to reflect off her nightgown.

"Just fine," Robin sighed as he rested his head on the end of the couch. Cordelia slowly scooted her way over him, her soft palms resting on his chest as she laid atop his front.

"So did you hear what I said earlier?" Cordelia asked, her maroon eyes full of curiosity.

"I would be the happiest man alive if you married me," Robin smiled and felt something plastic drop on his head. He picked it off his white hair and saw it was a wrapped Ring Pop candy. His gaze drifted upwards and he saw Gaius leaning over the balcony, shirtless and half awake.

"Have fun, you damn kids." He groaned as he trudged back to Sumia's room. After opening the door, he slowly crawled into bed and noticed that Sumia was still awake.

"What happened?" She asked, her brown hair disheveled and bunched.

"Robin and Cordelia got engaged." The very instant Gaius finished his sentence Sumia's eyes became as wide as planetoids.

"But they're college freshmen!" Sumia half whispered/half yelled as Gaius shushed her. "Those two are in for some seriously grueling college years," She stated while she laid on her side.

"They'll find a way to make it work, I'm sure of it." Gaius smiled optimistically. 

"Now I know this is unrelated, but would you mind if I asked you about your childhood?" Sumia clasped his hand tightly.

"Why do you care?" Gaius' tone became deeper and more serious while Sumia was taken aback.

"Because I like to know more about people I'm in a relationship with." She hugged his torso while she answered his question.

"Alright, but I don't believe in something-for-nothing. You need to promise you'll tell me about your childhood after this." Gaius felt the warmth of Sumia's body while he dug up his childhood memories.

"Of course. That sounds perfectly reasonable." Sumia kissed him on the cheek.

"Also you might want to grab some tissues because this is a real sob story." Gaius drew a sharp breath as he began to narrate.

"I grew up in a different town. My earliest memories are of my original family. I forget what they looked like, but all I remember is them dropping me off at some crummy orphanage. They must've said something about how they needed to disappear or something before they rode off in their car, which my five-year-old mind couldn't comprehend. I spent two years in that orphanage, and I built myself a reputation of 'The Unwantable' as no sane couple would adopt me. Unfortunately for me, the people who eventually did adopt me were not sane." Gaius looked at Sumia, who had a shocked expression on her face. "I moved into their house when I was seven, and little did I know they lied to the orphanage about loving me. The couple ran a bakery, and they needed a cheap source of unpaid labor. They figured they could adopt a kid for a purpose, and pay for their education so they didn't look suspicious."

"This sounds horrible." Sumia gasped.

"It gets worse, much worse. They never cooked a meal for me or told me that they love me. The only time I saw them was when they were hitting me for doing a lousy job at preparing the sweets. Speaking of which, my only source of fuel in there was stealing food when they weren't looking. Every school day I walked two hours in the morning, and two hours in the afternoon just to go to and from there. This whole neglect thing continued until I was eighteen."

"Why didn't you tell the police?" Sumia asked.

"Hang on, I'm not done yet." Gaius reminded her as he continued his story. "Anyway, one day somebody leaves a flier for this place called 'Ylissean University' and I figured that I could go to college. I did moderately well at school considering I taught myself in between work shifts. So after graduation, I needed money for the tuition. Then I remembered, there's this safe in their room that has all their profits. They weren't smart enough to put it in a bank, and they were dumb enough to leave me alone one night while they went out to drink. I learned how to crack safes just to ensure my own future wasn't horrible, and I succeeded. They had enough money for tuition in there, and I took the money and ran. I ran faster than what I thought was humanly possible to the police station where I reported my adopters. I felt the most satisfaction in my entire life as I sat there and watched as they walked in, handcuffed and glaring at me while they were thrown in a holding cell. Turns out they had a drug history and multiple felons on top of unethical child labor. The cops let me go and gave me a bus ticket to Ylisse, and after grabbing as many things from that God-forsaken bakery as possible, I took the bus. And that's my story." Gaius panted as he drew breath. Sumia was on the verge of crying.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Sumia said in between sobs while she feverishly pecked him with her soft lips.

"To be honest," Gaius smiled while he stared deep into her eyes. "Meeting you and everyone here was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Oh my God, you're gonna make me cry! Stop it!" Sumia wailed as tears soaked their bedspread.

"That's all in the past, and you don't have to worry about it. You're actually the first person I've ever shared that story with." Gaius comforted her while she continued to cry. "But I digress, now what's your childhood story?"

"Well," Sumia dried her eyes while she sniffled. "Growing up was pretty normal for me. I've been friends with Cordelia for as long as I can remember, and her parents were good friends with mine. Lissa was also a close friend, and Maribelle too. Nothing tragic really happened, except for when my fish Bubbles died. Cordelia, Lissa and I held a funeral for him in my backyard the day after he passed away. There was also that time Cordelia was going to ask Chrom out to prom, but she bailed at the last minute. We spent that night eating ice cream and watching episodes of _The Bachelorette_." Sumia recounted her childhood as her sniffling began to stop.

"I think that's enough depressing stories for a lifetime. Good night." Gaius kissed her on the forehead while he closed his eyes.

"Good night." Sumia held him tightly in her embrace as she drifted off into slumber.

* * *

I'm legitimately terrified at how many fucking similarities there are between this fanfic and the _Donkey Kong Country_ TV Show.

Case in point: https://youtu.be/uHH6kUwU0m8

If you want to go the extra mile, compare the _Diddy Drop Rap_ to chapter nine of _Awakening_.


	12. Graveyard Get-together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac stops time by yelling "Za Warudo".

* * *

Robin leaned back in his chair, the hood of his purple cloak draping over the back of the seat. He strummed his fingers quietly as his teacher droned on about wolves or something in that manner. Stahl and Gaius were both staring intently at the tiled wall behind him, trying to count how many of the tiles were colored brown.

"And that is how you can start a fire. Any questions?" Frederick asked while a cartoon drawing of a campfire was on the blackboard behind him.

"Yo Fred, I got a question." Gaius raised his hand as the sleeve of his leather coat fell down to his elbow. A lollipop stick was peaking out of the cloth.

"Yes Gaius, and I told you not to call me that." A groan escaped Frederick's mouth as he steeled himself for another asinine jape.

"How exactly does that relate to our final, tomorrow?" A smirk developed on Gaius' face as Frederick's brown eyes narrowed.

"Well you see, the funny thing about that is… I sort of, ran out of the curriculum to teach, so I decided to do something different today." Frederick tugged the collar of his blue buttoned shirt as beads of sweat trickled down his brow.

"Then why aren't we studying for the final? Nobody cares about how to start a fire, or how to survive a wolf attack." Olivia stated calmly before high-fiving Chrom, who sat next to her.

"I just wanted to teach you guys into something different is all." Frederick sat down behind his beige desk. Robin zoned out of the debate as he started thinking about the wedding. Cordelia wanted to have it occur during the summer, and Robin agreed with her. He didn't even need to worry about his finals, as he had already studied immensely with Cordelia and Sumia. The dismissal bell resounded throughout the room, and Robin grabbed his gray satchel as he walked out of the science classroom.

 

Much later, in the following year, Chrom sat in the brown row at the upper left of the aisle, only now realizing he got the wrong tuxedo size. "Is it noticeable?" He asked as Olivia sat next to him, her fluffy pink dress rubbing up against his side.

"Not really," Olivia looked at the rip in the fabric at Chrom's right leg. "Unless someone's focusing on your legs, they won't see it."

"Thank God." Chrom sighed as he watched Robin stand at the altar, his black suit fitting him nicely. He seemed to be maintaining his calm state, but Chrom wondered what was going on inside his head.

" _I wonder if she still wants to visit that graveyard tonight._ " Robin thought as he stared at the entrance to the altar room. Cordelia was due to enter any minute now, and while he waited, Robin admired how many friends he made in the short span of ten months. A blond priest stood behind him, his hair going well over his shoulders. The white double doors at the end of the hall swung open and Cordelia slowly walked down the aisle. Sumia's father walked beside her, a bright smile on his face. He looked like your average fifty-year-old man, with a scruffy beard and short brown hair.

Gaius had learned to play the organ just for this occasion and began to play the song he composed. "Here comes the bride, looking very fine." Gaius sang. "There stands the groom, getting ready for no doom." The inner pianist inside Kellam was writhing in pain at this point. "I ran out of rhymes, so looks like I'm fresh outta time." Gaius stood up and bowed. Nobody clapped, which was just what he expected. He sat down at his designated row as Cordelia stared into Robin's eyes with a smile, the white cowl on her wedding dress going back over her hair.

"Here we stand today, ready to unite this couple in holy matrimony." The priest's voice boomed throughout the area, his eyelashes beating whenever he blinked. At first, Chrom thought the priest was a woman due to their facial structure and hair, but now he realized the priest was, in fact, a man. "If there are any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace." A resounding silence filled the room, indicating the priest to continue. "So be it. Cordelia Pégase, do you take Robin…" The priest fumbled with his papers, realizing Robin did not have a last name registered. "Do you take Robin Nibor to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Cordelia nodded her head.

"And you, Robin Nibor, do you take Cordelia Pégase to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest asked, his head tilted to the side as he looked at Robin.

"I do." Robin nodded his head as he smiled.

"May your bond last for an eternity." The priest paused as he smiled. "You may now kiss the bride." The priest stepped back, and Cordelia tilted her head up to kiss Robin on the lips. The crowd cheered as Gaius stood up.

"Guess who's getting laid tonight, ladies and gentlemen!" Gaius yelled with a grin before he sat back down next to Sumia.

"Definitely not you," Sumia said with a snarky tone as she continued to clap.

"Aw, nuts," Gaius replied as he pulled out a bag of candy coated peanuts from his tuxedo.

 

Later that evening, Cordelia stood in the graveyard, the night sky above her illuminated by the stars. Robin waited at the entrance per her request, and she followed the dirt path to the graves she was looking for. She knew the way, considering she visited these markers numerous times since her parents departed. She remembered when they first left, how some days she would just curl up and lie at their graves, her tears soaking the dirt floor she rested on. Recently, she made a habit of visiting their markers every year now, the key difference being that last year she wasn't married. She preferred that Robin waited by the car, as she wanted to be alone when she talked to her parents.

After a few moments of trudging her boots through the muddy ground, she finally found two gray rounded grave markers, the words 'Here lies Tim Pégase. 1960-2008' etched on the leftmost grave. The rightmost grave had the words 'Here lies Ana Pégase. 1959-2008' written on it as well.

Cordelia knelt down in front of the markers, the bouquet of roses she had brought clutched tightly in her hand. "Hello, mother. Hello, father." She said to herself. "You're probably anxious to know how my first year of college went, but first I need to let you know, I'm now happily married!" Cordelia smiled at the markers, not a care in her mind that she was talking to herself. "College was almost exactly what I expected, except I finally got over Chrom. I met this nice man who you'd greatly enjoy named Robin, and one thing led to another, and now we're married." Cordelia stood up from the markers, a feeling of satisfaction filling her spirit. "I did very well in college, which means I got straight A's on both semesters." Cordelia glanced at her phone and realized it was getting late. "I have to go now. I love you two." Cordelia turned around and began walking back down the path until something caught her attention.

She quickly turned her head and saw two translucent blue images standing at her parent's graves. Upon closer inspection, these were the ghostly images of her parents. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she waved to them, and they waved back. "Goodbye!" She yelled as they walked away, their form becoming more opaque the further they were from Cordelia. She walked back to the entrance of the graveyard and noticed Robin, who was leaning against the archway at the entrance.

"How did it go?" He asked with a caring tone as he held out his arms.

"Absolutely perfect," Cordelia stated as she held him in a tight embrace. The two smiled as they hugged until something began to stir inside Robin. Time itself seemed to slow to a crawl, a feeling that he remembered from ten months ago.

" _Well, look at you, mister 'Make her breakfast and get laid'._ " The voice stated dryly as Robin groaned.

" _Yeah, yeah whatever._ " Robin used his thoughts to reply to the voice. " _Just one question, who the hell are you?_ "

" _I'm a representation of your fractured psyche that was used to nudge you towards Cordelia. What, did you think I was your evil clone that wanted to possess you?_ " The voice asked.

" _No, I was just curious if you really were imaginary._ " Robin noticed that Cordelia was practically frozen in time, her smile continuing to shine regardless of her statue-like state. " _Also define 'fractured psyche' please."_

" _Well, looks like my work here is done._ " The voice itself felt as though it was departing.

" _But you didn't do anything… And you didn't answer my question._ " Robin stated as the flow of time began to return to normal.

" _Goodbye!_ " Robin felt the voice leave, and probably for good this time. The quiet breathing motions of Cordelia returned and Robin enfolded her in his arms.

"Are you alright?" Cordelia asked as thunder boomed in the distance. "You look as though you've seen a ghost."

"I'll be fine. We should get going, though." Robin suggested as rain poured on top of their heads. Cordelia began walking back to her car, her arms wrapped around Robin's as he kept pace. "So do you need to do this again next year?"

"That won't be necessary. If I'm going to be the daughter my parents hoped I'd be, I need to let go of the past and move on." Cordelia opened her car door before stepping inside. "Besides, the night's still young. We could get back to Stahl's apartment for that party he's hosting."

"I'd like that."

* * *

*Insert Za Warudo meme here*


	13. Such a Lust for Stahl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crazed woman sneaks into resort using cardboard box while shouting "Who?!".

* * *

Cordelia admired the night sky stars from her red lawn chair before she gazed longingly at her empty drink glass. She had adored the lavish private retreat she booked with Robin for their honeymoon, and since today was their last night there, they decided to make the most of it. The pool water was illuminated by floor lights, and Robin calmly walked towards her, drinks in hand.

"Red wine, your favorite." He held out the glass containing said wine, and Cordelia noticed he was wearing nothing but purple swim trunks.

"Why thank you." Cordelia sipped her beverage. She grabbed her phone from the table, selecting the shuffle option on her playlist of 'couple's music'. " _Please let it be that song,_ " She thought to herself as her ears were filled with the pleasing sound of that iconic saxophone. "Oh, thank God it's _Careless Whisper_." Her gaze shifted to Robin. "I take it you want to go for a late night swim?"

"I would indeed." Robin held out his hand as he smiled.

"Just a moment please." Cordelia pulled her white t-shirt off to reveal her blue swimsuit. She held Robin's hand as they walked towards the pool, the cold water sending a shiver down her spine as she entered the water.

"Would you like it if I helped you acclimate to the water?" Robin asked as he lowered himself into the water until only his head was peeking out from above the frigid liquid.

"No thanks, I'll be j-just fine." Cordelia shivered as she waddled towards the deep end.

"Too late." Robin slid one hand around her back, and another to her knees as he picked her up like a bride. _His_ bride.

"Robin put me down this instant, or so help me…" Cordelia kicked her legs and splashed the water as Robin approached the deep end of the pool.

"This is for your own good." Robin smiled as he lowered her entire body into the water before bringing her back up. Cordelia coughed and stopped shivering, but her smile was replaced by a glare as her wet hair covered her eyes. "Better?" Robin put her back on her feet and immediately she adjusted her hair. Cordelia folded her arms and looked in the other direction, her shoulders above the water level.

"Better." She answered begrudgingly, plotting her next move. "Hey look, it's Stahl!" She pointed behind Robin, but he didn't budge.

"Using the same trick twice? For shame." Robin shook his head, a playful tone in his voice. He briefly looked up at the stars, and that was all the time Cordelia needed.

"I've got you now!" She yelled as she tackled him, pushing him underwater as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She pulled him back above the water and forced him into a back float before gently grabbing the back of Robin's head and kissing him on the lips. "I love you, now and forever."

"I love you too," Robin replied in between kisses. After a figurative eternity of embracing, Robin noticed that his phone was buzzing from the lawn chair. "Just a moment." Robin smiled as he walked out of the pool, leaving Cordelia with a feeling of disappointment while she scowled.

"It's Chrom isn't it?" Cordelia asked while she began floating on her back, her red hair looking like a lion's mane as it flowed through the water.

"Yes, it's Chrom." Robin sighed as he noticed who was calling him, his contact photo of the Google Chrome logo being a dead giveaway. "Hello, Chrom," Robin said as he held his phone to his ear.

"Hey Robin, I was just wondering if Olivia and I could stay at your resort tonight," Chrom asked as he stood next to Olivia outside his car. Olivia was already holding a white bikini in her hands, eyes beaming at the possibility to go swimming.

"Chrom you do realize Cordelia and I are on our honeymoon, right?" Robin questioned while shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, yeah. But today's the last day of that, and I was just hoping I could see my good friends again." Chrom's tone was crossing the line between asking and begging.

"What does he want?" Cordelia asked as she stood next to Robin, water dripping off her swimsuit.

"One second," Robin said as he covered his phone with his hand while he turned to Cordelia. "Chrom wants to know if he and Olivia can come to our resort. Personally, I think he just wants an excuse to see Olivia in a bikini."

"I heard that." Chrom's voice came through the phone, and Cordelia couldn't help but groan.

"Oh, cut him some slack." Cordelia rubbed her temples with her fingers. "Please hand me the phone." Immediately after she asked, Robin shoved his phone into her wet hands.

"I need a swim," Robin stated as he dove into the pool.

"Okay Chrom," Cordelia held the phone up to her ear as she focused her gaze on Robin. "Right now Robin and I are on our honeymoon, which means we're at a private retreat. I'd prefer if it stayed private, which means we're not in the mood for company."

"So what you're saying is you two wanna have sex," Gaius stated bluntly through the phone.

"What!? Who the hell invited Gaius into this?" Cordelia blushed as she asked. "Also, no. Robin and I just want a romantic night to ourselves."

"I did." Sumia grabbed the phone out of Gaius' hands and placed it to her ear. "Chrom had the idea of visiting you guys, and I would really like it if we could all come."

"Sumia," Cordelia grimaced as her thoughts scrambled between yes and no. "Please don't guilt-trip me into letting you all come." Cordelia looked desperately at Robin, who rested his arms at the edge of the pool.

"Cordelia, don't do it." Robin shook his head hurriedly. "Do not invite them."

"Come on Cordy, please? For me?" Sumia begged while Chrom smiled. His plan worked, and soon he could relax with his friends.

"Oh fine!" Cordelia threw her head back as she answered. Robin groaned before he sank back into the pool. "But Chrom said he wanted to spend the night there, and the only indoor place is our one room cabin."

"We already have two mattresses packed, so we'll be there in about fifteen minutes," Chrom said as he pulled the phone away from Sumia. "Thanks for letting us come by the way." Chrom hung up.

"Ugh." Cordelia groaned as she dumped herself on her red lawn chair, a sour look on her face as Robin walked over.

"Well, looks like we're getting company." Robin sighed before he kneeled next to her.

"Thanks for the information, captain obvious." Cordelia retorted, a frown on her face. "We should get one more swim in before they come."

"So be it," Robin said before he tightly clutched Cordelia's hand and helped her off the chair. He strode towards the pool beside Cordelia, who smiled as she gazed at the water. She smacked him on the rear before jumping in, which sent a shocking jolt through Robin's spine. "Oh get back here!" Robin yelled as he dove into the water.

"Catch me if you can!" Cordelia teased him while she swam away. Robin hurriedly followed, and after gaining speed for a few moments he grabbed her by the calf. Cordelia whooped as she was pulled backward by her leg until she found herself clutched in Robin's arms. She considered breaking free of his grip, and she probably could if she tried, but the comfort of Robin's embrace was simply too wonderful for her to leave.

Cordelia turned her body around so that she was facing Robin and pressed her lips to his own, her wet hands clasping the back of his head tightly. Robin gazed into her red irises while he held her back, his arms pressing her tighter and tighter to his chest with every second. After a while, the sound of a car parking from outside the wooden fence indicated that the others had arrived. Robin let go of Cordelia as he gazed towards the fence, but she reacted by tightening her grip on his shoulders. "Don't go." She whispered in his ear while she frowned.

"But I need to let them in." Robin protested as he removed Cordelia's hands from his shoulders.

"Then take me with you." She suggested as she floated in front of him. Robin scooped her up in his arms and carried her out the pool like a princess, their lips continuing to press against each other as Robin walked towards the gate. He almost tripped on the pavement, his grip tightening on Cordelia's figure out of instinct. Robin stood at the gate while he continued to kiss Cordelia, and after she realized his hands were busy carrying her Cordelia opened the gate. Chrom and Olivia eagerly watched as the gate opened, and were slightly taken aback by the embracing couple.

"Thanks for inviting us!" Chrom and Olivia yelled simultaneously as they hurriedly race-walked to the pool. They both jumped into the pool, the splash from their impact getting a sizable portion of the deck wet. Gaius and Sumia walked by Robin and Cordelia as they smiled, and Gaius tapped Robin on the shoulder.

"Young people, am I right?" He joked before sitting down on a lawn chair next to Sumia. Robin's tongue wrapped around Cordelia's as he began walking back to the pool, one eye focused on her beautiful face and the other focused on the path to the pool. The cold water enveloped his legs as he walked down the steps and set Cordelia down, who promptly continued to kiss him now that she was standing. Chrom and Olivia splashed each other with water as they exchanged playful looks.

After fifteen minutes of the three couples doing various things, Gaius noticed that Sumia was reaching for something that was at her side. Upon closer examination, it was revealed to be a beer can. "Hey, wait a minute. How old are you?"

"Twenty," Sumia answered, watching as Gaius stood up and snatched the canister from her grip. "Hey! I was about to enjoy that!"

"You really don't want to damage your brain cells. Just trust me on this." Gaius gave her a caring smile before sitting back in his chair, tucking the can underneath it.

"I can do whatever the hell I want!" Sumia scowled at him before making a dive towards his chair, her hands just within reach before the can was pulled back even further.

"Sumia, I swear to Christ." Gaius pressed the palm of his free hand to his head, dangling the can with his other. She responded by clambering onto his chest, swatting her hands at the alcoholic beverage as Gaius pulled it away from her.

Cordelia watched Gaius tease her sister from afar, her expression shifting into a glare as she stomped out of the pool. "Gaius! Stop taunting my sister!" Water soaked out of her hair as she leaned over the couple, arms folded.

Gaius stared at her in disbelief before speaking. "For your information," His tone sounded incredibly superior; Cordelia resisted the urge to punch him in his smug mouth. "I was protecting our friend Sumia from the dangers of underage drinking."

"Oh," Cordelia's focus shifted to the beer can in Gaius' hand, her face shifted back to a normal look. "Well, I did not realize you were looking out for her. Thank you."

"Apology accepted," Gaius combed his fingers through Sumia's hair. "Is there a reason why you dislike me?"

"I honestly don't know. Perhaps it's me looking out for Sumia and making sure she's happy." Cordelia sat down in the lawn chair next to them.

"Well, you don't need to worry about that because she's in good hands." Gaius pressed Sumia even closer to his chest while she smiled.

"Thank you for taking care of my sister." Cordelia gave him a look she had never given him before, a look of happiness.

"The pleasure's all mine," Gaius stated while he enthusiastically shook Cordelia's hand.

"We should go swimming." Sumia opened her eyes and gazed longingly at the pool. Without warning, she stood up and grabbed Gaius by the arm, who of course wanted nothing to do with the water. It wasn't until Sumia removed her shorts that Gaius was convinced to go in the pool for 'questionable' reasons. Gaius stripped his clothing until he was wearing nothing but his gray swim trunks that had pictures of candy sewn onto them. Sumia jumped into the pool and Gaius followed her lead while Cordelia watched from her lawn chair. Robin sat next to her, his hair dripping water and in dire need of a comb.

"Maybe we should go in for the night," Robin suggested as he grabbed a nearby towel.

"Let me just check the time." Cordelia grabbed her phone from the table she left it on and realized it was almost midnight. "You're right, we should get some rest." Cordelia stood up and began walking towards the lodge. Robin followed her after drying his hair but took a detour towards Chrom, who rested at the end of the pool next to Olivia. "Cordelia and I are heading in for the night. Do you guys need anything?"

"We'll be fine." Chrom looked out and saw Gaius and Sumia canoodling in the pool. "Olivia and I will probably hit the hay in five minutes, and God knows how long those two will go at it." Chrom pointed at the couple; Robin's eyes widened as he noticed what they were doing.

"I just hope they don't get into something serious," Olivia said, her hair transformed from a ponytail into long strands like Cordelia's. She wrapped her arm around Chrom's shoulder before she kissed him on the cheek. "Why can't we do something like that?"

"Do you really want to have a make-out session in the pool?" Chrom raised his eyebrow quizzically.

"Yes." That word barely left Olivia's mouth before she planted her lips to Chrom's. Robin watched from the side of the pool as the couple embraced; He noticed that Chrom's hands were firmly clasping Olivia's rear.

"I should get going." Robin blushed while he slowly walked backward towards the lodge. He watched as Chrom's hands moved up from Olivia's posterior and towards her back. He began untying the thin straps of cloth that kept the top part of Olivia's white bikini from falling, which was the cue for Robin to stop watching them. He returned to the lodge, the two mattresses already on the floor next to the main bed where Cordelia laid. He removed his swim trunks and crawled into bed next to her, his hands wrapped around her slim figure. "I always forget how comfortable this bed is."

"Likewise," Cordelia stated as she turned her head and kissed Robin's soft lips. His fingers were wrinkled thanks to the pool, which did frighten her slightly with how porous they felt as he held her stomach. The two cuddled for only a mere minute before the door swung open, the perpetrator of their interruption revealing themselves to be Gaius carrying Sumia on his shoulder.

"Why are you carrying me?" Sumia asked as Gaius set her on her legs and the two of them undressed. Cordelia covered Robin's eyes to shield Sumia from his gaze.

"Because I'd like it if you didn't trip and smash your face into the pavement." Gaius threw his swim trunks onto the pile of wet swimwear.

"Oh don't be ridiculous I have perfect control of- ah!" Sumia was cut off by her foot slipping on the wet floor; she landed face first on her mattress.

"Told you." Gaius laid down next to her.

"Hey, guess what?" Sumia giggled as she drifted her hands through his orange hair. "Now I can say I have an abusive partner because you treated me like a child."

"I treated you like a child because you almost killed your brain cells." Gaius rolled his eyes, and moments later, Chrom strode in while Olivia followed him, her hands covering her bare chest. Chrom removed his swim trunks, and Robin covered Cordelia's eyes to shield Chrom from her gaze.

The third couple laid on their mattress silently and pulled their sheet over themselves. "Well, here we all are. Naked and wrinkled." Gaius stated as he rested his head on his pillow.

"We should've invited Lissa and Vaike." Chrom mumbled as Cordelia rolled her eyes.

"There's not enough room in this cabin anyway." Cordelia rested on her side and gazed at Chrom's figure.

"Hey Cordelia, I have a question for you." Olivia butted in as she turned to face the large bed.

"Go on." Cordelia rolled onto her side next to Robin.

"This is kinda weird, considering you just got married, but do you still have a thing for Chrom?" Olivia asked, and Gaius' ears perked up at the opportunity to gossip.

"I used to, and I think he's a very handsome man, but currently no." Cordelia intoned while she wrapped her arms around Robin's frame. Chrom blushed as he rested his head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Well, okay." Olivia pushed Chrom's head closer to her shoulder. "I was just wondering, because when we first met, you looked like you really cared about him."

"It was thanks to you dancing for him that I got over him." Cordelia smiled as she remembered that night. "That was the night Robin and I got supplies for the party."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Sumia sat upright; Gaius realized she wasn't covered by a blanket. He gently pushed her onto her back and restrained her from sitting upright. "That was the night Robin and I schemed about how to make you like him." Immediately after Sumia finished her sentence, Robin's eyes widened.

"Define 'schemed' please." Cordelia frowned as she let go of Robin's frame.

"Well, first we planned for when you got emotionally devastated, so Robin could comfort you. Then I let him know when Chrom and Olivia were going downtown to frisk-o town, so he could bring you directly to them." Sumia narrated while Gaius realized how screwed Robin was.

"First off-" Robin attempted to speak before Cordelia covered his mouth.

"Is this true?" She asked, her eyes full of contempt.

"Yes," Robin mumbled as Cordelia let go of his mouth. "Are you angry?"

"Very, because I don't like being manipulated." Cordelia gritted her teeth as she looked away from Robin.

"Oh come on Cordelia, it was for your own good!" Sumia's tone rose in emotion as she broke free of Gaius' grip and sat upright. "You literally stalked Chrom for ten goddamn years! So you have no right to get your panties in a bunch when Robin and I just wanted to help you!"

"I didn't need your help with it," Cordelia muttered.

"Don't give me that horse manure. You had no idea how to ask Chrom out, and you didn't realize that he wasn't into you. Hell, Robin could've told you:" Sumia cleared her throat before attempting to impersonate Robin. "Oh, Chrom literally does not care about you, and you should just date me because I'm really nice and actually do care about you." Cordelia's eyes widened as Sumia continued to ramble. "But he didn't because he cares about your feelings! I've known you for over ten years, and meeting him was the best thing that happened in your entire freaking life."

"That's not true." Cordelia pressed her head into her pillow.

"I told you, don't give me that crap. This school year is the happiest you've ever been, and I wonder why? Is it possible that maybe you're happier when you're with a guy that notices you? Woah, stop the presses! This is such a revelation!" Sumia spoke sarcastically while she stared directly into Cordelia's eyes, who looked back in distress. "Face it, Cordy, Robin and I manipulated you because we wanted to make you happy. Now get over there and hug your husband." Right after Sumia finished her sentence she lied back down on her mattress and watched as Cordelia hugged Robin.

"I'm sorry I accused you of manipulating me when really you were trying to help," Cordelia whispered in his ear.

"It's not your fault. I would be mad too if someone manipulated me into dating them." Robin sighed as he pressed Cordelia against his chest.

"I'd just like to throw my own two cents into this and say," Chrom sat upright as he looked at Cordelia. "Before you met Robin, you just kinda slinked through whenever I saw you. You always looked like you had a really important question you wanted to ask, but you didn't know how to. It wasn't until last year that I found out that question was: 'Chrom, do you love me?'. I'm saying this because the first month of college, Robin did the same exact thing. He had no idea how to ask you out, and you were oblivious. You did exactly what I did. So whenever you pity yourself and go 'Oh, Chrom never noticed me so I can act like the victim' just remember that Robin went through a smaller version of what you experienced, but he doesn't bring it up."

"I think she understands the message." Robin held his hands out as Gaius sighed.

"Why is everything so complicated?" Gaius asked while everyone rolled their eyes.

"People are messed up." Sumia intoned before yanking the bed cover over her body.

"Well, this has been a valuable learning experience," Cordelia stated while she blushed. "Sometimes people just want to help, even if they do it in strange ways."

"Exactly." Olivia sat upright as she pulled the bedspread over her frame while Chrom rubbed her pale back. "Like that time I popped a hole in that condom Chrom used."

"Wait, what!?" Chrom yelled as he bolted upright and stood on his mattress.

"Relax, relax. I was just kidding." Olivia smiled as she ran her finger along Chrom's leg.

"You almost gave me a damn heart attack!" Chrom let out a sigh of relief before turning his gaze to Cordelia, whose entire face was blood red. He looked at Cordelia and down to his waist, then back to Cordelia and his waist. "Oh," Chrom finally made the connection that he wasn't wearing pants. "Oops, wardrobe malfunction." Chrom hurriedly dove into his mattress, landing on Olivia in the process.

"Ow!" Olivia exclaimed as she felt a two-hundred-pound person land on her.

"Sorry, sorry!" Chrom hurriedly scooted off of her and lied on his side while he attempted to soothe her with a back massage.

"Well, that was peculiar," Robin stated as Cordelia nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

"We should do this more often." Gaius tossed out the idea, and Chrom began to ponder that possibility.

"I could book us a camping trip, and we could invite Lissa and Vaike along." Chrom proposed, and Cordelia's ears perked up at the promise of a free vacation.

"I'd like that," Robin said. "But first, the outside of Cordelia's car needs to be cleaned. Cordelia, when we get back could you clean it, please? Maybe with a bikini or something?"

"Excuse me?" Cordelia propped herself up with her arm as she raised her eyebrow, a look of doubt in her eyes. "That is the most blatantly sexist thing you could ever think of. Why can't I watch you clean my car in a speedo? When we're getting back, I'm sticking you in swimwear and handing you a bucket of soap. You're cleaning my car, and you better wipe bubbles all over your chest."

"But-" Robin attempted to debate, but Cordelia shushed him without a moment's delay.

"If you're allowed to request for me in a sexy costume, then surely I'm allowed to do the same, right?" Cordelia sarcastically mocked Robin while he blushed.

"Chrom, you should help him out. Cordelia and I could watch you two clean her car!" Olivia proposed, and Chrom immediately wished she hadn't.

"Oh, good idea Olivia! We could see them both in speedos!" Cordelia beamed while Robin buried his face into his pillow. For once, Gaius was ecstatic that Sumia was asleep and not adding to the conversation. Cordelia noticed that Robin was silent, and gently nudged him on the back. "Alright, I think we've teased them enough." Cordelia pulled Robin out of his pillow and pressed his face to her shoulder. "I was just kidding about that."

"I was too." Robin sighed as he pressed his face to her bosom.

"Well, good night." Gaius put his head next to Sumia's.

"Good night." Chrom and Olivia said simultaneously as they closed their eyes.

"Good night." Cordelia fluffed her pillow out while she closed her eyes. "I love you." She whispered into Robin's ear.

"I love you too," Robin whispered back as he closed his eyes.

 

"I think they're finally asleep." Gangrel sighed as he reclined back in his chair. He just wanted to have a private vacation with his wife and daughter, but of course, the first night was spent listening to the occupants of the next door resort yelling for hours on end.

"Good." Aversa looked up from her book and gazed at their pool. "We should go for a midnight swim before we retire to our room."

"That would be pleasant." Gangrel's eyes drifted around the fenced resort until he noticed his adoptive daughter, Tharja. She was leaning against the wooden fence and looked very flustered. "Tharja, dear, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, father." Tharja's voice was full of contempt for her father, who of course understood nothing about her current predicament.

"Your mother and I are going for a swim. Do you need anything?" He asked again whilst standing up.

"I told you, I'm fine." Tharja scowled as she stared at the ground, her hand fidgeting with the string of her black bathrobe.

"Just leave her be, for now, you know how difficult she can get," Aversa whispered in Gangrel's ear, her hand firmly clasping his own. "In the meantime, maybe instead of swimming we could spend our night in a…" Aversa pressed her lips to Gangrel's cheek before continuing. "More sensual manner."

"Now that's an idea I can get behind." Gangrel's face twisted into a smile as he grabbed Aversa's posterior. Tharja already had her own separate cabin, so Gangrel and his wife could continue without fear of being interrupted by their adoptive daughter.

"Sweetie, we're going to bed instead of swimming, so please don't wake us up." Aversa looked at Tharja while she dragged a finger along Gangrel's pale chest.

"Okay mother." Tharja sighed before rolling her eyes, watching as her parents sauntered to their cabin. Once they entered, she waited until the blinds were drawn before standing upright. She paced around the edge of the pool, debating the pros and cons of climbing over that fence. While her parents were busy reading their books, she had spent the last five minutes peering over the fence to the nearby retreat. She was just tall enough so that the top of her head could peer to the other side when she stood on the tips of her toes.

First, she had noted the woman with long red hair who looked very tired before she entered her lodge. Then she noticed the man with orange hair canoodling with the brown-haired woman, and she had to admit that man looked like a hunk. The blue-haired man, however, had very nice muscles, but his rear was less than stellar.

It wasn't until her gaze fixated on the white-haired man that she knew what it felt like to be smitten. Sure he didn't have nearly as many muscles as the blue haired stranger, and his butt was flatter than the table she used for arts and crafts as a child, but something about him looked so… attractive. She had deduced that he was in a relationship with the red-haired woman. " _Why would he be the only single person at a couples retreat?_ " She thought to herself before holding a clump of her black hair. " _Hopefully, he likes a woman with long hair._ " Tharja continued to pace around the pool while the sinking feeling in her gut continued to ache. She couldn't decide whether to jump the fence and take a picture with him, or continue to be bored while her parents were 'busy'. In hindsight, it was a much easier choice now that she thought about it.

First, she would need to change into something more fitting given that she was near a pool, and fortunately her mother had purchased a red bikini for her before they arrived. After entering her lodge and finding the bikini on her bed, Tharja realized had never worn a swimsuit before, which only exemplified her discomfort when she admired herself in the mirror. " _Is it supposed to hug my chest like this?_ " She questioned to herself while she drifted her hand along her waist. " _And why is the lower part so tight?_ " A thought occurred to Tharja, the thought that her mother had bought the wrong size. " _So I'm either wearing this tight piece of glorified lingerie that makes my uncanny valley beg for a reprieve, or I could wear my bathrobe._ " She thought before turning around and realizing that she might as well be in the nude, seeing as only a mere fraction of her rear was covered. She groaned but then pondered what she could do with her opportunities. " _He won't be seduced by a bathrobe, that's for sure._ "

After deciding that the bikini was the best way to go about this, she grabbed her bag and stepped outside her lodge, walking towards a nearby lawn chair. Her arms ached slightly as she carried the chair to the fence and set it down, a plan of action already beginning to form in her mind. After throwing her bag over the fence, she clambered atop the chair and pulled herself to the top of the fence as she attempted to climb over the wooden boards, only now realizing that every board had a pointed tip. " _Why didn't I wear my robe for this?_ " She asked to herself while she was wedged in between the top of two fence posts. She grunted in discomfort as she realized that she was halfway over the fence, with her torso in the handsome man's retreat, and her lower body still in her parent's retreat. Tharja kicked her legs vainly before remembering that she could shimmy her way through the fence. She moved one shoulder forward and the other followed in a pattern as the material of the fence scraped against her bare skin. Sure enough, this was just what she needed to get through the fence, and she promptly fell chest-first onto the ground next to her satchel. Thankfully there was a strip of dirt where she landed instead of pavement, but a searing pain still filled her chest as she laid in a heap.

A few moments passed before Tharja stood up and composed herself. She did want to look nice for the man after all. She wiped the dirt off her thighs and grabbed her bag before tip-toeing quietly to the lodge, relieved to discover the door wasn't locked. The door opened without creaking, and Tharja peeked her head in to find three pairs of sleeping lovers. She carefully stepped over all the mattresses until she stood next to the man from before, looking ever so peaceful while he slept. She lowered her head to his until she was mere centimeters from his face, her resolve bolstered as she puckered her lips. She delicately placed her soft lips on his forehead, holding them there whilst he snored.

"Mmh," Cordelia grunted as she moved her hand to Robin's face, inadvertently batting Tharja's head. She reeled back while she glared at the woman who so rudely interrupted her. Before she continued, Tharja quickly grabbed her phone out of her bag and held the camera up. She moved her head next to her sleeping love and smiled as she took a photo; afterward pulling her phone back to examine the picture. For the first time in her life, she looked happy. Not displeased, or simply indifferent, but happy. She put her phone back into her bag and pulled out a sticky note.

While she was scribbling her phone number onto the paper, she didn't notice that the man was moving his hand unconsciously. Tharja snapped upright as she felt a hand grab her inner thigh, and turned her gaze to the floor as she discovered it was the white-haired man. She clenched her legs together as sensations shot through her nerves, her teeth clattering against themselves while the man tightened his grip. After a minute of this blissful state of being, Tharja decided it was time to depart. She regretfully pulled the man's hand away from her thigh and clasped it tightly with her other hand. A tear rolled down her cheek before she hugged the man, the realization that she may never see him again firmly planted in her thoughts.

"Goodbye, my love." She whispered in his ear before she walked away, and without noticing, she bumped into the blue-haired man from before, now awake and wearing clothing as he stood in the doorway. "Gah!" She exclaimed as the man grabbed her by the arm and pulled her outside the lodge. Frigid air blasted his nerves while she was lead to a nearby lawn chair and pushed onto it.

"My name's Chrom. May I ask who the hell you are and why you were calling my friend 'My love'?" Chrom imposingly stood over the black-haired woman

"None of your business!" Tharja yelled as she bolted out of the chair and scrambled towards the fence. Chrom ran after her while she attempted to jump the barrier, but without something to step on, she was stuck. Tharja felt a rough pair of hands wrap around her waist before she was pulled backward. Chrom grabbed her by the shoulders and lead her back to the lawn chair, but before he was even halfway there the mysterious woman swung her elbow into his gut. The man didn't even flinch from the blow as Tharja realized she was in trouble, and found herself sitting on the chair while the man scowled at her.

"Try to run again, and I'll bring Robin out." He promised, and Tharja's eyes widened.

"I understand." She held her hands up as a sign of peace, and Chrom pulled a nearby chair next to her.

"Now, care to explain why you snuck into our room and kissed my friend while wearing a bikini?" Chrom raised his eyebrow while he asked his question.

"For a start, you may refer to me as Tharja. I've spent the last fifteen minutes spying on you, and I've become smitten with the man you refer to as Robin." A look of discontent was on Tharja's face, which only gave Chrom more questions.

"So why the hell did you sneak into our room with a bikini?"

"I thought it made sense thematically. Wearing revealing swimwear that chafes your hind quarters while you kiss your soulmate, it's too perfect to pass up." Tharja let out a sigh as she drifted her hand around her figure. "Say, I've seen you around campus before."

"So that's where I recognized you from!" Chrom held up his finger as a plan began to formulate in his head. "So are you in any groups or something along those lines?"

"No. Most people don't trust me because I have what's known as a… rebellious streak." Tharja let out yet another sigh as Chrom started to feel sympathy for the woman.

"That sounds horrible. You know what you could use? A romantic partner." Chrom suggested.

"I'm not interested in you." Tharja scowled as she reclined against the chair.

"I'm already dating someone, sunshine. I know a guy named Stahl who broke up with his girlfriend a few months back, and you two would hit it off great." Chrom tossed out the idea, and Tharja's eyes beamed.

"How would you know my interests?" Tharja grew a look of interest, considering she never had a boyfriend.

"Well, you seem very cuddly considering you cried when you had to leave Robin. You're resourceful seeing as you somehow snuck in here without anyone noticing, and you're a night person. Stahl's the cuddliest person I know, he's resourceful, and he's a night owl." Chrom realized that the possibility of the Shepherds acquiring a new member could very well come to fruition.

"Let me see a photo of him," Tharja demanded while her hand was outstretched. Chrom sorted through his various photos until he found the best photo of Stahl on his phone. He handed the device to Tharja, who looked intently at the screen. "I must say, he is quite handsome." Tharja scrolled down the photo admired his figure. "I wouldn't mind sucking his lips."

"Weird way to say kiss, but whatever." Chrom sighed as he took his phone out of her hands.

"What I mean is that he looks very good." Tharja sighed as well before she stood up.

"I'm texting him now." Chrom sat back in the chair while Tharja kept her head above his shoulder, looking over it to see the phone. **"hey stahl"**

 **"what?"** Stahl stared at his phone intently while he rested in the apartment he leased, confirming Chrom's suspicion that he was a night owl. He normally wasn't up at this hour, but he wasn't feeling too well. Stahl wasn't sure whether it was the flu or leftover depression from his breakup with Maribelle.

 **"guess who just found you a girlfriend?"** Chrom smiled as he sent the message, and he looked over his shoulder to see that Tharja was smiling too. Stahl raised his eyebrow in curiosity while he read the message.

 **"a picture would be nice"** As soon as Chrom read that message he handed Tharja his phone. She held it above her, poking her rear out as she snapped a picture. After taking multiple pictures including one of her front, she handed the phone back to Chrom, who texted all of the photos to Stahl. He had no idea that Chrom had found an incredibly beautiful woman, and was subsequently flabbergasted by the following pictures.

 **"her names tharja, and you 2 would hit it off gr8"** Chrom had sent that message along with the photos.

"Holy shit," Stahl muttered as he stood up and paced around his apartment, wondering if he was being shallow when all he wanted to do was cuddle and make this woman feel fantastic, seeing as she already looked the part. He decided it was now or never, and picked his phone off the table. **"be there in 5 min"** Stahl texted before grabbing his car keys. His gaze turned to the uneaten fig on his table as an idea began to form.

Tharja looked ecstatic as she read the message. "Let's hope you're not wrong about this." She let out a sigh of relief while she hoped. " _He better not be a moron._ "

"I'm never wrong." Chrom mumbled to himself as he realized her possessions were at the other retreat. "Shouldn't you get your things?"

"You're right," Tharja remembered her luggage in her lodge and walked towards the fence. "Get over here and help me up."

"A simple 'please' would go a long way, you know." Chrom sighed as he walked over to her. He squatted down and held his hands out.

"Please?" Tharja gritted her teeth as Chrom smiled.

"That's the ticket." Chrom looked down out his hands. "I'll boost you up." Tharja grabbed the top of the wooden fence while she placed her bare foot on Chrom's hands. He boosted her up to the fence and she slid over the wooden boards before landing on her feet, which was a nice change from before. She held her hand over the barrier.

"My bag… please." Tharja looked to the side while Chrom handed her the bag.

"See? Progress." Chrom reminded her while he peered over the fence. He watched as Tharja entered what he assumed was her room, and waited for her to return. After a brief minute, Tharja returned with a black suitcase and a matching bathrobe. She hoisted her suitcase to Chrom's open hands, and he set it down on the ground along with her bathrobe. After she was sure she had her belongings, she pulled herself to the top of the fence before realizing she had wedged herself between the boards, again.

"A little help please," Tharja grunted as she attempted to shimmy, but couldn't budge.

"I got you." Chrom reassured her while he grabbed her by the hands. He slowly pulled her out from the top of the fence, a look of intense pain on her face while the wood scraped against her bare skin. Chrom realized that she would fall face first if he continued, so he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the fence. He gently helped her to the ground and after he was certain that she was on her feet, he noticed that she was blushing. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Tharja grabbed her luggage off the ground.

"You sure?" Chrom asked as he stood next to her. "Because it looked like you enjoyed that."

"S-Shut up." Tharja sighed as Chrom's phone began to vibrate, which sent a shock through his nerves.

 **"im here"** Stahl had messaged him, the sound of a car parking indeed confirmed that Stahl had arrived.

"Shouldn't you tell your parents you're about to run off with someone?" Chrom asked as he offered to carry Tharja's luggage.

"They'll understand. I left a note in my room." Tharja smiled as she clutched her suitcase to her chest, and instead handed Chrom her bathrobe. After the two stood at the gate, Chrom opened the fence to reveal Stahl, who looked quite fashionable for someone who was up at one in the morning. Time itself seemed to stop while Stahl walked towards her, his hair blowing in the wind. Tharja slowly walked up to him, a cautious look in her eyes. Stahl waited until she was right in front of him, his cheeks blushing profusely. He slowly wrapped his arms around her back, and Tharja's face turned beet-red as she felt a spark of something she had never experienced, something that even Robin couldn't give her.

"Hi, um, you probably know my name by now." Stahl glanced awkwardly to his side while Tharja leaned her head against his.

"Just shut up and kiss me." She blurted as she grabbed the back of his head.

"Well, it's always good to see a new relationship blossom. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to bed." Chrom watched from afar, the moonlight illuminating the embracing couple; Tharja looked actually happy, for once.

"Thank you, Chrom!" Stahl smiled as he held Tharja tightly. She smiled as well, the prospect that she had someone who actually cared about her bolstering her confidence. After five minutes of kissing, Stahl pulled the car door open. "After you." He bowed, and Tharja firmly pressed her lips to his own, her tongue wrapping around his while she gripped his hand. Stahl released his car door and held a clump of her black hair while he slid his other hand across her back. " _Too much kissing is never a bad thing._ " He thought as he felt her smooth back.

"What's this feeling that I'm experiencing? It feels peculiar, but I enjoy it." Tharja asked while she parted her lips, a smile on her face.

"That's what they call love," Stahl stated as he leaned his forehead against her own. After another minute of the pair kissing, Tharja decided that it was absolutely freezing outside and stepped into the window seat of the car. Stahl clambered into the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel with one hand and Tharja's soft hand with his other. "So what do you want to do on this fine night?"

"I want you to slather my body with oil."

* * *

*Tharja falls through roof onto Cordelia*

"What's a finale without a Tharja appearance, huh? A cruddy finale, that's what!"

Dammit, I missed a golden opportunity for Tharja to mistake a poster of Robin as the real thing.


	14. Epilogue: Surprise Mario Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeless amnesiac rubs naked woman with lotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, there be lemons in these waters (chapter). You have been warned.

* * *

Cordelia leaned back on her chair in the airport gate lounge, her red suitcase laid in front of her feet as she checked her phone. Her mind was put on autopilot after the arduous process of getting Robin a passport.

**"i'll be back in 5, lucy just wanted to get some food from a nearby restaurant"** Olivia had texted. Chrom and Olivia had invited Cordelia and Robin to a weeklong vacation in Orlando, Florida. Robin and Cordelia had gone through airport security with Olivia and Lucina, while Chrom had gone a day early to make sure they had a car and hotel rooms waiting for them when their flight landed. Robin sat down next to her before setting his purple suitcase on the ground.

"So when is our flight departing?" Robin asked as he sat down on the black chair.

"Around nine PM." Cordelia reminded him as she tightly gripped his hand. After a couple minutes of waiting, Olivia approached the gate while she held the hand of her three-year-old daughter Lucina. "Oh hello, Lucina! How was your dinner?" Cordelia stood up, her tone incredibly enthusiastic as Lucina beamed.

"Hi, Auntie Delia! My dinner was great, but when mommy looked at our bill she almost fell asleep!" Lucina smiled as Cordelia leaned down to hug her. "Hi, uncle Rob!"

"Hello, Lucina." Robin smiled awkwardly, seeing as he wasn't the best with children. He wasn't sure whether it was his reluctance to have a child with Cordelia, or simply just ill-fostered emotions deep inside him. He had forgotten however that Olivia was one month pregnant, which he remembered when Olivia sat down next to Cordelia. Lucina clambered atop her mother's lap while Olivia combed her fingers through her blue ponytails.

"So our flight is leaving in fifteen minutes." Olivia glanced towards the window, the night sky outside illuminating the lights of the planes. "Now Lucy, did you go to the bathroom?"

"Yes," Lucina answered as she leaned back into her mother's stomach.

"Alright, so now we wait." Olivia pulled her neck pillow out of her bag and rested her head on it.

After half an hour they were all in the plane, which was currently taking off. Cordelia was in the aisle seat next to Olivia, who sat next to Lucina whose face was glued to the window. Robin had to sit on the other side of the plane and found himself seated between a burly red-haired man and a skinny white-haired man.

"Greetings!" The red-handed man held out his hand, which Robin cautiously shook. "My name is Gregor, and this is my friend Henry." Robin noticed that Gregor had an incredibly thick Russian accent.

"Hello." Henry waved his hand to Robin while he smiled. In fact, all Henry did was smile even when the plane was taking off. "So what business do you have in Orlando?"

"My brother, although really he's a great college friend, invited me and my wife to a vacation there," Robin answered as he leaned back in his chair.

"Is that your wife over there?" Gregor asked as he pointed to Olivia. "She is very beautiful, and I see you two have been visited by stork of childbirth."

"No, that's my friend, who's married to my brother." Robin waved his hands as Gregor looked confused. "The one with red hair sitting next to her is my wife."

"Oh, I see." Gregor smiled as he looked at Cordelia, who was talking to Lucina. "How long have you two been married?"

"Ten years." Robin smiled while Henry's slits that he presumably called eyes widened.

"Man, that's long! Like the eventuality of death long!" Henry giggled to himself. "I've been dating this nice lady named Say'Ri, but she didn't want to come along to Orlando."

"My wife Anna wanted to stay home, but that not stop Henry and me from having friendship-bonding trip!" Gregor smiled as he pointed at Henry, who smiled back.

"You got it, buddy!" Henry reached behind Robin and patted Gregor on the back.

Across the plane, Cordelia found herself discussing various things with Olivia.

"So what exactly are you naming the baby?" Cordelia inquired.

"I was thinking Inigo if it's a boy, and Soleil if it's a girl." Olivia patted her stomach while Lucina stared out the window.

"Aunt Delia, are you going to have a baby?" Lucina asked before resting in her chair.

"Well Lucy," Cordelia smiled at Lucina. "Your uncle Robin and I have been considering having a child, and I predict soon you'll have a cousin."

"Which really is kid talk for 'Robin's scared of unprotected sex'?" Olivia whispered in Cordelia's ear, careful to mention that certain subject around her daughter.

"Yes, essentially." Cordelia sighed as she looked at Robin, who was chatting up a storm with the strangers he was seated next to. "He's worried he's inexperienced with raising a child."

"Well, if he's afraid of not knowing how to raise a kid, you could support him or something," Olivia suggested. "Just let him know that he isn't alone and that Chrom had the same problem before we had Lucina."

After five minutes of silence, Lucina piped up. "Aunt Delia, when I grow up I'm going to grow my hair just like yours. Can I touch your hair?"

"Why yes, you can. And I'm honored that you'd wear your hair like mine." Cordelia smiled as she turned the back of her head to face Lucina, whose tiny hands combed through her red hair.

Three hours of small talk passed between the passengers, and now Robin found himself discussing having a child. "Just go for it!" Henry stated enthusiastically.

"But what if-" Robin was interrupted by Gregor shushing him.

"Robin, now you must make very important decision. Do you not have child and be known as loser, or do you have child and be known as winner?" Gregor held his finger to Robin's mouth.

"Well, when you put it like that…" Robin rested his head back into his chair again.

"Considering she already wants a kid, just go with it. Besides, who doesn't love hotel sex?" Henry laughed to himself as the plane began to descend.

After another hour, Robin, Cordelia, Olivia and Lucina all exited the gate to find Chrom waiting for them.

"Daddy!" Lucina jubilantly ran towards her father, who lifted her off the ground as he hugged her.

"How's my little girl doing?" Chrom smiled as she set her down on the ground. "Was the plane ride great?"

"The plane ride was so amazing! Me and Aunt Delia spent the whole time talking about children!" Immediately when Lucina finished talking Robin felt his heart sink. Cordelia turned to look at him as she stopped walking, a mix of a smile and a glare on her face. Gregor and Ricken waved to Robin as he tugged the neck of his cloak nervously.

 

Shortly after Chrom had driven everyone to the hotel, Robin and Cordelia found themselves alone in the elevator. "I want a child." Cordelia's voice was dry and blatant as she stared at the striped wall, her grip tightening on the handle of her suitcase.

"Why?" Robin sighed as he checked the time. The fact that it was midnight only increased his discomfort.

"Because what married couple doesn't want a baby?" Cordelia dodged his question and supplied him with another.

"The kind that doesn't want another mouth to feed." Robin waited intently for the elevator door to open; the eventual opening followed by him race-walking towards their room. Cordelia followed after him, a scowl on her face as she caught up to him and subsequently waited for him to open the door. The room consisted of a bathroom, a single queen-size bed, and a large window that had a good view of the city below. Robin placed his suitcase next to their bed before sitting on the chair, reading his e-book on _War and Peace,_ again. Cordelia set her luggage down next to Robin's and waited until he wasn't looking at her to slip back outside the room, the 'do not disturb' sign and a bottle of lotion in hand. After setting the indicator at the doorknob, she entered the bathroom as an idea began to formulate in her mind.

A brief minute passed, and Robin watched as Cordelia exited the bathroom, completely naked. "Would you mind helping me apply lotion?" She asked as she leaned against the wall, her back arched while she smiled. " _The huntress lays out her trap._ " She thought to herself.

Robin sighed again as he cradled his head in his hands. "I know exactly what you're doing, and please stop it."

"What? Can't I ask my husband to help me apply lotion to my naked body?" Cordelia inquired as she strode towards him, her hips shaking with every step she took.

"This isn't going to work." Robin looked up at her, practically forcing himself to maintain eye contact. " _Why are you fighting this? She's naked and horny."_ He asked himself inside his thoughts while Cordelia continued her approach.

"What's not going to work?" Cordelia questioned in a playful tone as she sat on his lap, the bulge in his pants confirming that he was enjoying this, even if he didn't want to say it. "Now here's the bottle." She handed him the orange container, watching as his sweaty hands fumbled with the cap.

"I'm doing this because you asked me. Not because you're naked." Robin dumped the contents of the bottle onto his hands before dragging them along Cordelia's smooth back.

"Sure you are." Cordelia snickered as she had continued to pressure him. "You know, Chrom didn't want to have a child either but look how good he turned out. You do realize you'd make a good father, right?"

"You do realize I have no idea how to raise a child, right?" Robin imitated her voice mockingly as he continued to caress her back.

"Then I'll guide you through it. We're in this together, and that means you won't be alone." Cordelia turned her head to face him, her hair falling to the side of the chair they sat on.

"Fine, you win." Robin groaned. "I'd be happy to have a child with you." Robin moved his hands to her stomach, hugging Cordelia's waist as they passionately kissed. Her hands began to unbutton his cloak as he dragged his own up to her breasts, a shock trickling down her spine as he combed his fingers through her silk-like hair. Cordelia threw his cloak to the side after Robin pulled his hands out of it, the two of them standing up off the chair. Robin fumbled with his pants pocket for a contraceptive before Cordelia grabbed his wrist.

"Remember, no glove means true love." She mocked the words Gaius had said all those years ago, slowly pulling Robin's trousers down until his erect cock unfurled from his boxers. " _The huntress has caught her prey._ " She thought as Robin laid down on the bed, her finger drifting along his chest as she delicately placed herself on his dick.

 

Meanwhile, back in Ylisse, Sumia and Gaius were doing an activity that was almost, if not more intense than making love.

"Oh, of course, you get the bonus stars!" Sumia threw her Gamecube controller against the wall of their house, the victory screen on the television seemingly mocking her.

"It's not my fault I'm so good at _Mario Party_ ," Gaius smirked as he basked in his victory.

"It's bullshit is what this is!" Sumia stood up and paced around the room, chewing angrily on a hot wing that she acquired from their living room table. "You and me. Rematch. Now."

"Alright." Gaius smiled as Sumia sat down next to him.

After another hour of drinking and eating hot wings, Sumia felt her rage build as she stared at the exact same victory screen, her grip on her controller tightening until she set it down.

"This is an outrage. I demand to see whoever programmed this game to make you win!" Sumia threw her head back in frustration.

"Do you want to go to bed? You look exhausted." Gaius suggested as Sumia stormed off into their bedroom. He followed and found her tucked into her sheets in their bed.

"Tomorrow we're inviting Stahl and Tharja over, then we're going to kick your ass." Sumia glared as she fluffed her pillow out.

"You have fun with that." Gaius smiled as he enfolded her in his arms.

 

Again, back to the hotel room, Cordelia sat atop Robin's toned chest while his dick rested inside her vagina. She bounced up and down with every movement, relishing the look of pleasure on Robin's face. Cordelia leaned her frame in close as she bit her lip, every single movement of her partner's prostate telegraphed by his expression. Both his eyebrows were raised, which meant he was about to climax, the exact thing Cordelia wanted out of this situation. Granted, she had forgotten how good it felt to have Robin inside her, and was enjoying the sensations as an added bonus. "Your expression is incredibly sexy."

Robin grunted as he grabbed the back of Cordelia's head, pulling it close enough to kiss her soft lips. He felt his cock twitch with every passing moment as the interior of her pussy hugged his dick. Cordelia grabbed the back of his head as well, a smile most lewd on her face as she whispered. "Fill me."

Robin groaned as he felt the sensation in his dick grow hotter and hotter. He figured the only plausible way to elevate the situation was grabbing her rear, so he did just that. Another groan, louder in scope and intensity breached his parted lips, which signified he just came. Cordelia hitched her breath as she felt the warm fluid penetrate her inner area while she came as well, but unfortunately, Robin forgot the goal of this was to get her pregnant. He attempted to pull out without thinking but was stopped by Cordelia grabbing his back.

"Don't pull out, genius." Her tone was rather sarcastic and Robin corrected himself shortly after. Once Cordelia felt satisfied with the series of events, she let go of Robin's back as he pulled out. Several minutes of silence passed as Cordelia laid on her back while Robin faced the other direction. "Well, what do you want to name the baby?" She asked as Robin groaned.

"Isn't it a little early to start naming it, considering we don't even know if you're pregnant?" Robin tugged the blanket over his shoulders while Cordelia rolled next to him.

"Oh, believe me, I'm pregnant," Cordelia stated, the indescribable feeling in her stomach indicating just that. "I was thinking Severa because it sounds pretty."

"No offense, but that is the dumbest name I have ever heard. Why not Morgan? That's a nice sounding name." Robin turned around to face her, Cordelia's maroon irises peering into his very soul with a glare. "Serena?" He pleaded.

"Severa it is." Cordelia had decided while she wrapped her arms around him an embrace. "You get to pick the name of the next child as compensation."

"Wait, we're having a second-" Robin struggled as Cordelia tightened her grip on his shoulders.

"That's not important. What is important is that the night's still young. I brought couples dice that we could use." Cordelia attempted to change the conversation as Robin dropped the issue entirely, figuring Cordelia would be adamant about it. She stood up and walked to her suitcase, shaking her hips as she walked to build tension. Cordelia returned as her hand unfurled, revealing two pink fuzzy dice.

"So how do these work?" Robin asked as she crawled next to him in bed.

"One die has an action, and the other had a body part. We'll take turns rolling them and doing the combination to each other." Cordelia laid on her side as her finger caressed Robin's chest, her other hand shaking the dice. She opened her hand as the dice spilled out; Robin turned to look at them. "Okay, rub back," Cordelia stated as she began dragging her hands along Robin's back.

"Damn that feels good." Robin laid out on his front. This continued for a minute until Cordelia handed him the dice. He began shaking them, hoping to God that he didn't get something like 'Lick pussy'. As his hand opened and the dice flew out, a shocked look grew on his face when he discovered that he had indeed rolled his fear. "Lick pussy." His voice was desperate now, pleading almost.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Cordelia asked as she pulled the blanket down, relishing the look of fear on Robin's face. He figured there was no getting out of it and placed his head on her lower waist, fighting every urge to gag as he stuck his tongue outward. A cold shiver tore through Cordelia's body as she felt his warm tongue stick inside her folds. She clasped her hand to the back of Robin's head, pushing it ever so closer with every second. "Oh, good lord that feels wonderful!"

It dawned on Robin that he had just tasted his own semen, which was exactly the reason he was looking for to yank his head backward. Cordelia gave him an unsatisfactory look while he wiped his tongue with his hands. "Oh, don't act like the victim here! I just tasted myself, for God's sake!" Cordelia interrupted him by pressing her lips to his own.

"Now we're even in that regard." She stated as she pulled her head back, a bright smile on her face.

 

A couple days later, Cordelia lifted the pregnancy tester up to her eyes, squinting at the indicator in the middle. A single red line told her everything she needed to know. "Robin! It didn't work!"

A moan echoed from nearby, most likely Robin's.

"Why are you complaining?" She asked before walking to the adjacent room.

* * *

So yeah, Cordelia's wild ride into the bone zone has come to a close. Overall this has been pretty damn fun to write, especially the Sumia and Gaius stuff. Overall, I'm quite happy with how this turned out, and thanks to whoever read this.


	15. Bonus Chapter: The Disclaimer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I feel just like a purple Pikmin."

* * *

Reggie Fils-Aime leaned over a balcony as he gazed at the large monitor on the opposing wall. The sound of keyboards typing and mouses’ clicking filled his ears as he took a sip out of his coffee mug. It had been a long day at the Nintendo USA Headquarters in Redmond, Washington, but soon the closing bell would ring and Reggie could finally get back to playing _Breath of the W_ -.

A loud siren broke the silence; Reggie stared in dismay as the large monitor flashed red and white. “Warning! Warning! Copyright infringement in progress!” The attendant's voice shook the very foundation of the building.

“What in _The Lost Levels_ is going on here?!” Reggie placed his coffee mug on an unreleased translated ROM of _Mother 3_ before hurrying down the staircase.

“Boss! Somebody’s infringing on our copyrights!” A worker yelled as they turned around in their swivel chair.

“Throw a content claim at ‘em,” Reggie stated in a monotone voice as the sounds of panic filled the workplace.

“This isn’t Youtube! It’s Archive of Our Own!” Immediately after the worker spoke, Reggie’s eyes widened. “Says here it’s written by some jerk named Raunchy_Robdelia.”

“Those smut-writing bastards…” Reggie began to think for a perennial amount of time until he came to a logical conclusion. “Get my suit. I’ll make that thief feel just like a purple Pikmin.”

 

The author sat like a stone in front of their computer, typing away at the next work they would upload. “Add a pickle joke… here. Shoehorn Cordelia into the story… here. And finally, place the awkward Mary Sue OC here.” They pulled their hands back from the keyboard and noticed that their fingers had caught fire from how fast they were typing. “Eh, that’s reality.” They shrugged.

In their distraction, they failed to notice the green pipe sprouting through the sidewalk in front of their house. A knock resounded on the front door.

“Coming! They spoke with glee as they stood up from their chair. “ _Please let it be Cordelia, please let it be Cordelia._ ” Their footsteps resounded through the small house as they hurried down the stairs. As they opened the door, their gut sank when they realized that their waifu had not materialized out of thin air. Rather, it was the CEO of Nintendo’s American Branch: Reggie Fils-Amie.

“Hello, I’m looking for Raunchy Robdelia. Is that you?” He spoke with a firm tone as the midday sun shone behind him.

“Why, yes, that is my account. What do you want with it-” Before the author could finish their sentence, they were grabbed by the shoulder and hurled onto the pavement. “Ow.” They exclaimed.

“And that’s what we do to copyright infringements.” Reggie dusted his hands off as he stomped towards the author, who was lying in a heap on the sidewalk.

“Is this about _Make Her Fall For You in a College Semester_?” The author grunted.

“Yes, and I’m here to make you pay for stealing our characters.” Reggie stood over the author.

“But it’s creative commons! It’s not like I’m making any money off of it!” The author stood up and coughed rocks onto the ground.

Reggie outstretched his arms and began to crack his neck muscles. “Worked at a pizza joint, ya know.”

“Probably at some cushy Papa John’s.” The author’s voice shifted into something much more serious as they charged the CEO. Reggie thrusted his hand out at the last second and wrapped his massive fingers around the author’s neck, lifting them off the ground.

“Try Pizza Hut. Could’ve gone pro if I hadn’t joined Nintendo.” The author struggled as they gasped for breath. “I’m not one of those Sony pansies.” Reggie gritted his teeth as the veins in his muscles bulged. “I could break the president of Microsoft in two… with my bare hands.”

Reggie threw the author into the air and watched as they went directly into the air. But, like the sales of the Wii against the sales of the Wii U, what goes up must come back down.

“Don’t _fuck_ with this president!” Reggie stated as he kicked the screaming ball into a nearby house. A short moment later, the author stumbled out of the wreckage and collapsed.

“What the hell are you?” The author wheezed.

Reggie let out a deep, bellowing laugh as he grabbed both sides of his suit. He ripped his clothing to shreds and revealed a large, throbbing Youtube logo embedded in his chest. He dragged his massive hand over his chest, watching as his skin turned blood red. “DMCA takedowns, son.” He outstretched his arm, and the author gazed in dismay as Reggie’s hand turned red as well. “They harden in response to content claims.”

Reggie slammed his red hand into the ground with a loud grunting noise. The pavement of the road cracked, and several rocks flew into the air. He shifted his gaze to the Author, who now had an extremely worried look on their face. “Looks like I just triggered lethality.”

* * *

The moral of this story is that you should always use a disclaimer in a creative adaptation of a pre-existing work. Otherwise, the secret swole police will find and kill you. Speaking of which...

I DO NOT OWN REGGIE, REGGIE AND ALL NINTENDO PROPERTYS BELONG TO SHIGERU MIYAMOTO PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME SHIGGY I AM A HUGE FAN I LOVE REGGIE SO MUCH I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL TO PUT HIM IN MY STORY SINCE IM SUCH A HUGE FAN I KNOW IT ISNT CANON THIS IS ONLY MEANT TO BE A TRIBUTE FROM A BIG FAN OF NINTENDO POWER. SHIGGY IF YOU WANT TO SUE ME PLEASE DONT DO IT IF YOU DO MY MOM WONT LET ME WATCH THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS SUPER SHOW ANYMORE AND THAT IS MY FAVORITE ANIME I TRY SPAGHOOTI AND MEATBALLS FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE OF THAT SHOW AND I LOVE IT IT IS MY NEW FAVORITE FOOD SO PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME. (https://youtu.be/xl42ZHr7Xv4?t=16m13s)

Also, in case anyone still cares, I should be able to upload the first chapter of that _Fates_ fic before December ends.


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